Reviews For Crash
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 24/11/12 - 09:47 pm · For: Unexpected Visitors
Wow, so much intensity so suddenly. That really freaked me out how the Fantasts suddenly showed up but the sudden attack is also a really good way of bringing Minato and Jinora together I think. And I think you wrote this chapter really well so far, first showing the group conversing and then showing the sudden attack. It was all written really well. I also liked the characterization of Yoshida, I didn't think there was going to be much description of him initially but I like the insight into his thoughts and his personality, it adds a lot to him as a whole. I really liked this update and am looking forward to seeing more intensity in this fight. Keep up the good work.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 12/10/12 - 01:05 pm · For: My Enemy
Hahaha, I really liked this chapter. The characters meshed well, and their thought processes were definitely well described. I think you wrote their behaviors and attitudes toward the situation rather realistically. This chapter came out very well. I'm looking forward to seeing how Jinora and Minato act around one another after this.
Nice update, I'm liking this story more and more.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/10/12 - 10:53 am · For: Denkai
Well~ At least the girl isn't completely terrible, according to Jiraiya... I mean, that first part of the chapter was actually quite terrifying, I could feel that burning freeze all too well. So I'm really wondering what this woman is like - I'm looking forward to Minato meeting her.
I really love your writing style, you have a great way of getting into the characters' minds while making it interesting and describing everything that's going on with a nice natural flow to the story. Each chapter of this gains my attention more and more, so I'm definitely excited for more. Keep up the good work.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 16/09/12 - 10:38 am · For: Torn Asunder
I could honestly tell you had trouble writing this chapter. It was not up to par with your other installments. Some parts seemed rushed in that you didn't quite explain what you were trying to convey to the readers. Your sentence structure was off in some areas, which means you didn't even know what you were writing or really making much sense in those spots. I'm sorry to say this, it was just a bit hard to decipher your thoughts in certain areas.
But what I really did absolutely love in this chapter was the emotion and depth you put into it. The pain Minato felt for Kushina, the fear and anger and all those emotions gathered for her, that was written very vividly and it pretty much ripped my heart out T_T
This honestly isn't one of your better chapters but you still have amazing talent with portraying emotions. I hope to see more from you soon.
Author's Response: My writing suffers when I'm not emotionally fit. When I started this I knew I was going to have to write a death scene, but when the time came, I didn't know it'd be so hard. I honestly sat here and cried for the most of it, I had all these images and thoughts floating around and I basically typed it without really knowing what I was typing. It's like my feelings just took over and started producing words, which is why it was probably a little bit hard to follow. But that's why I like this one the best. It's a product of pure, unadulterated, raw feeling. No worrying about grammar or sentence structure or even really making sense, just pure feeling. Does that make sense?
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 12/09/12 - 07:39 pm · For: Safe & Sound
Gosh, I really love your writing. Your insight into Minato's mind is just so fun to read. It paints such a nice picture of his past and his feelings and his thoughts. You do really well with illustrating his personality.
And a cliffhanger? Really? After you've been gone for so long? How unfair! T_T
I'm really looking forward to the next update so I hope you post again soon. Nice job on this! Keep up the awesome work!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 03/07/12 - 05:42 am · For: Politics or Madness?
I guess I figured that Minato would eventually give in to the alliance. But it's still so sad that he did. I just can't imagine him with anyone else except Kushina. This is really heartbreaking in a way T_T
This was a great chapter though. I loved the humor in the beginning, and yes, I think you did an official political meeting justice :D This was a very well-written chapter. Good work, I look forward to more!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 19/06/12 - 08:54 am · For: Diplomacy
Well, I don't know so much about politics, so... I'm just going to say you're handling it well and you're not butchering the system, haha. It's believable enough to be realistic, to me anyway.
I really liked the first scene. Since everything was told through the captive's POV, it made the whole scenario a bit more frightening and intense. So that was a really good approach that was written very well.
Minato's scene... Haha, I think this story is helping me appreciate him. We rarely ever get to see his personality, so the emotion that I've seen from him so far makes me like him a little more. Especially in this scene where he was getting so angry with Kouzen XD
I'm loving this story so far, I think you're doing a great job. I'm not gonna bother pointing out the errors, they end up being the same thing as I've mentioned. And I know how difficult it can be for a writer to pay attention to those little things; just get so wrapped up in writing that proofreading just seems unnecessary :P But anyway, I'm looking forward to more of this! Keep up the good work!
Oh, and as for bolding and italicizing, check out this link to help with the html coding on this site:
http://www.opendiary.com/help/writing_in_your_diary/html_tags_and_how_to_use_them.htm
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 10/06/12 - 01:11 pm · For: Pains and Negotiations
Well, I'm gonna start with the mistakes first because then I can get onto the good stuff.
Basically, as I believe I've said to you on your other stories, sometimes you'll forget a word in a sentence. Other times, you'll repeat a phrase back to back. Little things, all writers do it at times though.
Another thing that struck out at me was when you said that the current Raikage was the "legitimate son of the Fourth Kazekage".... Eh?
Now, onto the good stuff... And my goodness, do I have a lot to hit on :D
The very first journal entry. Holy crap. It was amazingly well worded, described perfectly. I don't think it could have been said any better. It really struck me because it was the bitter honest truth. I loved it.
I love the way you portrayed all the emotion. Minato's suffering was just so well written, you did really well with illustrating it. It was powerful, and it was real.
I think one my favorite things about this chapter though had to be when Kakashi was worried for his sensei. The fact that he was worried Minato would end up just like Sakumo, I just really loved how you connected that. It was a great relation to be pointed out, and you did it justice by writing it so well. The feelings behind it, it all came out really well.
And now with that final line of the chapter, we know just what the plot is. And I'm excited for it. I really am. This first chapter alone has me hooked. I really want to read more. Excellent job with this. I'm really looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Yes oh my goodness I forget words all the time because I type so fast that I don't even realize it until it's published, but I'll go back and fix it. And and with the Kazekage, I was going to orginially do this type of story with Gaara and an oc, so Kazekage was probably running through my mind when I was writng haha. But thank you so much!! I wasn't sure if anyone was going to like this because it messes up the canon but oh well haha.