Reviews For Abysmal
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 08/04/12 - 10:46 am · For: Lets Get Down to Business
I just realized something interesting about myself while reading this: I catch mistakes more easily when I'm tired/sleepy than when I'm awake. Because I just noticed this mistake, and I'm disappointed in myself for not noticing it earlier. You tend to place the word 'of' in a sentence when you mean 'have'. Example:
This task should of taken five minutes but with Jirayia constantly checking out women it took us fifteen minutes.
It should be "should have taken". I know that when we speak, it sounds like "should of taken" but you're actually saying "should have taken" but with that darn English slur our generation has developed :P So just be careful with that.
Other than that, this was an excellent chapter. Things are definitely taking an interesting turn, and this story is developing very well, in both plot and character descriptions. I like where this is going so far. Keep up the good work guys!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'll be sure to change it. Thanks for the review!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/04/12 - 10:24 pm · For: On The Road
Awesome! This chapter seemed like a vast improvement than the previous ones. And things got a whole lot more interesting with Jiraiya popping up there. It makes me wonder more about the mystery of this fic.
Good job on this guys! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Hey thanks! We like the support and it will continue to get more interesting!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 07/04/12 - 08:17 pm · For: Meet n Greet: The First Mission
First off, I agree with Silverwolf and Yuumai about the repetition. Another thing I saw was for his weapons you put katana's (possessive) instead of katanas (plural). Oh, and did you just copy and paste Hazard's paragraphs in some of these parts and change them slightly? Because it was doing pretty good at staying in the same tense until them, a place Hazard also messed up on.
Other than those three things, it was great. I think it will be interesting to watch these two work together. Hayai's life will most definitely be, as he said, interesting. I can't wait for more just to see the two try to work together, especially with their clashing personalities.
Author's Response: I'll be sure to clear that up between us to make the story a little bit more appealing to the eye. Thanks for the help!
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 07/04/12 - 01:27 pm · For: Meet n Greet: The First Mission
I see what Gin-cha (Silverwolf) means about the repetition. It makes me just want to skip over it until something new happens.
Anyhow, from what I understand, you don't write in this style usually, so you? If so, then you did very good :3 This is opening up into a very interesting story. I think writing with a separate author is a great way to improve writing skills.
I wish you guys luck on this, it's off to a good start!
Author's Response: Thanks! I think this is the story where Im going to find my "style" and definitely improve writing in this style. Thanks for the review Haiena-chan
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 07/04/12 - 01:22 pm · For: The Assignment
Okay, this was indeed an interesting set up. The biggest problem I had is I can't tell what tense you're writing in. I think past tense, but you had some present tense verbs thrown in while people were talking.
That aside, this was a nice opening. It gave me details, but not enough to ruin the plot. Just try adding some detail to their surroundings. I'm terrible at that -_-
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 07/04/12 - 01:18 pm · For: Prologue/Character Bio's
Hmm... Sounds enticing :3 I liked the names, though I'm frustrated by how hard a time I'm having with pronouncing Hyorou -_- Hee-oh-row, that's what I got...
Anyhow, I'll check this out in a bit :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/04/12 - 04:06 pm · For: Meet n Greet: The First Mission
Hmm, just as a word of advice, I don't think you guys should rewrite the scenes through both POVs. It gets very repetitive. You should pick up where the other leaves off. Other than that, this was very good. You're doing awesomely without the the script format. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice, we'll both work at that.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/04/12 - 12:11 pm · For: The Assignment
Awesome, very awesome. I feel like you've already showed us the characters' personalities. And the mission seems interesting as is, so I can't wait to see how it all turns out. Keep up the good work guys.
Author's Response: Thanks! We plan to make this into a great mystery fic since there arent many out there. Thanks for the review wolf-chan :)
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/04/12 - 11:38 am · For: The Assignment
Well, I'll just get the bad stuff out of the way. The minor thing I saw only happened once or twice, and that was the capitalization of letters that should be lower cased. The major thing I saw happened more often. You kept switching between present and past tense. I saw this a lot with the verbs of how the person responded. Once you put replys for Hayai and you oc and stated for Hirzen.
Other than that it was a great start. Even though there wasn't too much happening, you let the reader begin to know both Gatsuuga and Hayai, even if Hayai isn't your oc. Both ocs seem interesting, and I can't wait to see how they act while on a mission together. It will be very interesting since Hayai is so used to Anbu missions. I guess all I have to say a great start and good luck with this co-author fanfiction.
Author's Response: Ok, hopefully I worked out some of the kinks.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 04/04/12 - 07:34 am · For: Prologue/Character Bio's
Well, this ought to be interesting. Two authors with different writing styles coming together to make one story. That has to be fun for you two. I can't wait to see your guys' first chapter. I'm sure it'll be interesting because two amazing writings are writing it. I can't wait, Hazard-san and Itoko-san!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/04/12 - 03:27 am · For: Prologue/Character Bio's
Whoa! A new story! And by two awesome writers! Well, this will be interesting for sure :D Both characters seem fun and they look like they'd be a good team. Or at least interesting to read about ;)
I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys come up with. Can't wait!