Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 06/08/12 - 01:07 pm · For: Prolouge
sorry it took so long to get around to reading your stuff, my first impression is that this is well thought out. I can already see where you're going a bit, but not too much. it strikes me as being planned, without being transparent. geez I'm wordy today!
Author's Response: Huh, I didn't see this review. Yeah the beginning of this story was written when I was 13. Now I'm 17 so trust me when I say it gets much more mature later on. Thanks for the review bro I hope you continue reading.
Name: Purpledinosaur (Anonymous) · Date: 29/05/12 - 02:34 pm · For: Chapter 1-3
I'm sorry Shizake-san, but I hate reading script. It just confuses me. The only part I could process in my one-track mind was the journal entries. I feel like Shizake is sorta like my character, Mai. You have a great relationship going between the other two Uchiha. Oh, and I'm sorry I haven't been in touch with you and the others, but during the summer, I shall be raising money for a new laptop. Do me a favor and tell Riley-san that I have to drop out of the tornament. I have to put my writing career on hold for a while. Ttyl!
Author's Response: um. Thanks? Wait...Nitatchi is a Hyuuga. And there is only 1 Uchiha at this time in the story... and ok.
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 31/03/12 - 12:17 pm · For: Chapters 41-45
Woah...
That was intense... =O
i like the kool new attacks u make xD
awesome fight...
Crane.. Woah, nice =D
so he's joinin akatsuki...=/
hmm...
This is gettin interesting...
Nice chappie zac =D
Author's Response: Haha thanks! Lol yeah I know this chapter was a bit confusing with the Akatsuki and all...I wanted him to trick the akatsuki into thinking he was deserting the village so they would accept him.
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 31/03/12 - 05:01 am · For: Prolouge
yeah i knw...
Your writing has improved tremendously =D
i've seen it on sasu's site..
Author's Response: I meant as for the script format :P haha but thanks! I do appreciate it
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:53 pm · For: Chapters 28-35
woah...
the fight was intense...
but innovative thinking i guess bout the demon fox incarnate... and its just Kage i feel...
cz hokage means fire shadow... leader of konoha only...
koool and eventful chapter Zac...
Awesome...
Author's Response: Lol thanks. I know my writing sucks and is childish in these beginning chapters but it improves trust me. As for the kage i kinda made that fox village as an extension of the leaf village idk lol thanks for reviewing
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:42 pm · For: Chapters 22-27
the hell...?! Sakura is an idiot to leave Shizake for that jerk...!!!!!
=/
dosen't she have a heart... =/
and LOL
looks like the hospital likes Shizake... more like he likes the hospital xD
Author's Response: Haha yes she is :P haha yeah hospital As for the children there is a 12 year time skip and I shifted all the shippiden events along with it
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:29 pm · For: Chapter 16-21
oooomg...
love triangle...? or a rectangle...:P
sounds interesting... =D
uhh... kool...
they use sharingan and Byakugan as a telepathy kinda...? O_O'
that's new...
kool chapter Zac =D
Author's Response: Yeah I thought it would be cool if they could communicate with their kekkai genkai...since the Uchiha and Hyuuga are somewhat related...I made it possible lol
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:21 pm · For: Chapter 11-15
wait... waaaaat...?!
they have sons...?!
but i thought sakura nd ino were around 17 =O after the time skip...
or Did u forward it even further...?
anyways the kids are cool... and quick learners...
they remind me of goten n trunks...
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:13 pm · For: Chapter 7-10
haaa...
the fight was kool... =D
3 days...!! O_O"
well...
comparing your writing style in these beginning chapters to yours in sasu's site...
You'rve Improved by Miles...!! Awesome Zac =D
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 12:04 pm · For: Chapter 4-6
oooh...
boyfriend n girlfriend...
Sappy... LOL
i like how you used to think 4 years back xD
Shippuden =D kool...
nice job on tis chappie too Zac... =)
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 11:58 am · For: Chapter 1-3
eh...
thaaaaat was rushed...
right...?
umm... well... 4 years back is a long time...
so good job writing such a nice chapter at that age... =D
i think u spelt Byakugan wrong... =P
on to the next chappie... ^_^
Name: shadow9000 (Signed) · Date: 30/03/12 - 11:51 am · For: Prolouge
hey hey hey...
nice... =D
i mean awesome...!!
that's pretty innovative bro... xD
to skip the same boring part of the canon...
i mean... it isn't boring exactly... but in so many stories in here... reading it again and again kinda made it boring...
but this was a neat new method Zac...
=D good go...
m off to da next chapter...
Author's Response: Haha yeah...It's not that I don't enjoy all of it. Its just that ive seen it over and over again, I thought I would try something different.
Name: RowanRose (Anonymous) · Date: 25/03/12 - 09:47 pm · For: Chapter 1-3
How interesting! I'm just confused - when is this?
Author's Response: The prologue is days after the Uchiha slaughter. the main story takes place during shippuden. Except that I shifted all the events years and years later. The fact that they have kids meant I was forced to shift all the major events like 10 years later.
Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 20/03/12 - 10:14 pm · For: Chapter 11-15
Last chapter for the night. Probably. I wanna try to read some other fanfiction as well and get in some more homework time. Also got like five chapters in my notebook that need to be typed up. >__>
Anywho! To the actually story! I'm a little confusted. Was there a time skip between ch 12 and ch 13? How old are these guys again if they have children already? *scratched head* The boys are learning medical ninjutsu, though. So exciting! I always liked medical ninjutsu.
Rasengan verses chidori again! Heheh. They should be careful. ;)
Author's Response: Yeah I guess there has to be a timeskip huh? I really don't like the fact that they are at the age to have children and yet this is taking place during shippuden. I love their spirits as 16/17/18 year olds but I guess I have to make them 28 or so... I was 13 when I wrote this so I wasnt great at planning and what not :/
Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 20/03/12 - 10:05 pm · For: Chapter 7-10
Shizake seems to be the one getting injured a lot. So does this mean all of the staff at the hospital always recognize him from coming in so often? Oh~ A date~ Heheh. X3
Author's Response: Haha yeah they are used to him being there. I really dont know why I wrote it that way. I was 13 when I originally wrote this...Oh well :P
Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 20/03/12 - 09:57 pm · For: Chapter 4-6
It looks like Shizake's got some things to work through with his obsession of proving himself and his strength. It's nice to see that Nitatchi and his relationship can't be broken by that mistake. I really like their relationship.
Author's Response: Yeah all these things have been building up inside him and finally he wants to know if he has progressed or not. Nitatchi is a forgiving person and is rarely angry at anyone.
Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 20/03/12 - 09:44 pm · For: Chapter 1-3
I really like the script way of writing. It's refreshing. But this is a pretty big time skip from the prologue, huh? Just skipping the gennin arc, huh? XP I like the dynamics between Shizake and Nitatchi.
Author's Response: It's different isnt it? Yeah haha I didnt really wanna tell you guys the story you already knew. Maybe there wouldve been a couple of twists here and there but idk.
Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 20/03/12 - 09:38 pm · For: Prolouge
I'm finally getting around to reading this! Looking forward to this big time. The thoughts in this journal are really fascinating. I'm going to read more now!
Author's Response: Yay your reading it! That makes me happy that I have a new reader. I hope you enjoy :)
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 02/03/12 - 11:38 pm · For: Chapter 7-10
this is a script fic not a fan fic. you can't call this a story. start by adding quotations.
There is a category for fic's like these under "madfic"
Author's Response: Usually plays/scrpits dont have quotations. Unless your talking about it being a story. But hey I did'nt know so thanks for the advice. Personally I dont see a need to distinguish between the genres as long as you enjoy the story/script (whatever you wanna call it).
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 - 05:33 pm · For: Chapter 76-78: The Uchiha Cousins...
WHAT?!?!? How can you just leave it at that? That's just plain wrong right there, Shizake-san. But I did love it. I hope since Sasuke is captured, he'll change somehow. And it's a good thing he wasn't killed or Sasaui would have to kill his killer. And yes, you did very well with showing the anger and hatred. My favorite part would have to be when Kuzake came in and beat Sasuke. GO KUZAKE!! This was a great first part that has me on the edge of my seat wondering if Shizake will wake up. He had better or I'm going to kill him for not coming through.
Author's Response: haha Sasaui wouldnt hurt little Kuzake would she? :P Hehe I wanted Kuzake to win for his father's sake. Guess you will just have to find out it part 2 coming soon! :) Thank you so much for the great reviews though!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 - 05:16 pm · For: Chapters 72-75
I really like the Hinata and Shizake scenes. They're just so adorable! I'm glad that he has someone as great as Hinata there for him and Kuzake.
Wait, is Sasuke already attacking? Was saying it would be a week false security? That was sneaky of him if so. This was a great chapter, Shizake-san. I especially like the strange, complicated bond between Sasuke and Shizake.
Author's Response: Exactly! Shizake thought he would have time to prepare. Sasuke just wanted him to think that and attack when no one would expect it. Yeah I decided to give them a complicated bond (especially because it's so heartwrenching for Shizake to choose between his village and his cousin that he loves). Thank you Sasaui :)
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 - 03:29 pm · For: Chapter 66-71
Wow! I loved their mission, and I still really like their sons. Just something about them is so interesting.
I can't believe Natsuro would be stupid enough to go to Orochimaru. Then again, he was dumb enough to bully Sakura. He's a real butthole.
Great chapter, Shizake-san! I really liked it. The battles were epic and the characters were great. Eight thumbs up, Shizake-san!
Author's Response: Haha I wanted to make a real butthole of a character (Yes mission accomplished!). Thank you so much!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 27/02/12 - 02:43 pm · For: Chapter 60-65
Ahhhh! I absolutely loved the mother-son bonding they had. It was so cute. I also like how she was hesitant to hurt Kuzake. I think she'll be a phenomenal step-mother!
Kuzake is getting pretty strong. I love it!! I also love Kuzake. For some reason he reminds me of kid/teen Gohan from DBZ with Shizake being Goku. And ooh! New mission. I can't wait.
Author's Response: hehe I wanted to put a heartwearming scene for them in there sooner or later. Hey your right actually. I never realized it haha they are like gohan and Goku.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 07:30 pm · For: Chapter 76-78: The Uchiha Cousins...
Such an epic fight, you're very good at action scenes. And yes, the rage and hatred was very evident in this chapter, especially on Sasuke's part. Though there was also a lot of emotion from Kuzake in his fight and when everyone wanted Shizake to wake up. Great job with all that, it was awesome. Oh, and thanks for the shoutout, you deserve all the reviews you get :) Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: ahh that brings such relief to my heart, This is my first fan fic and I'm not so great in english class AND I've never written anything serious before besides a few poems so I wasnt so sure if i was good at capturing emotion. I'm glad you liked it, reviews like these keep my self-esteem up and I will keep happily writing away! Thank you!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 06:04 pm · For: Chapters 72-75
Oh wow, such intensity between Shizake and Sasuke! I can't wait to see when Sasuke attacks the village, that'll definitely be an epic confrontation.
And what happened in the end there?! They're attacked? It can't be Sasuke already, he said next week. I'm so in suspense right now...
Nice updates! All three were awesome. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: ah finally I think I got suspense down haha I was worried that the ending wasnt a good one. Thank you though!