Reviews For The Journey Home
Name: RawrTheDinoLycan (Signed) · Date: 16/02/12 - 06:19 pm · For: Chapter 1
Hmmm. I look foward to seeing where this story goes. I also love Naruto, and it's been quite a while since I've read a good Oc story with him.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 12/02/12 - 02:59 pm · For: Chapter 1
This is your first fanfic? It's a very nice start.
You started out with action, which was a very interesting beginning to the story. Your use of vocabulary was relatively nice; some beginning writers have issues with extending their linguistic abilities. Trust me, I was (and still kind of am) like that too.
The idea that you were trying to portray was a very captivating way to start this fic: a girl running away.
But I'm not too sure it came out as well as it could have. It didn't seem enough for me to be satisfied. I couldn't relate to what Kaoru was feeling, and even if you're trying to ease the readers into learning about her past, that doesn't mean you can't be a little more elaborate about her emotions. Also, the description of the setting was a bit vague; I wasn't able to picture it clearly in my mind.
I think everything you want to write so far is a very good idea for a story. It's the actual writing part that needs work, though then again, it's almost always the writing part that needs work. This does have the makings to be a very good read, now I just need you to captivate my interest.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. (: I do agree with you, I've always had problems describing peoples feelings, even in real life. For some reason, that aspect just disappears from my mind when I'm describing someone. Thank you for pointing that out, now I know to add more description of Kaoru's feelings. I hope the next chapter will make up for It! Thank you for reviewing. (:
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/02/12 - 01:47 pm · For: Chapter 1
Wow. Just wow. That was so amazing. I'm really glad that I read that. So Root captured her, or am I jumping to conclusions just because of that kanji? Either way I loved it and you had me on the edge of my seat as I wondered if Kaoru would get away. And then she did and I was afraid that they'd just chase her down the waterfall. But I finally felt like she was freed when this mystery person asked if she was alright. Now I can't wait to see what happens next because I want to know whether or not it's a nice person from Konoha or if she ends up somewhere else. The only reason I believe they're from Konoha is because of the NaruOc part. Ooh, is it Naruto whose asking? I MUST KNOW! It was a graet chapter, Shiberu, with only a few mistakes. Congrats on the start of your first fanfiction here! It was amazing.
Author's Response: You have no idea how happy I am right now! I flushed completely when I saw the first three words of your review. I don't even know what to say, I'm so happy right now! Thank you so much for reviewing! (: All questions will be answered in time, I promise. I apologize for the mistakes, I wrote the first chapter this morning at around 1. Thank you again, Sasaui! (:
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/02/12 - 01:33 pm · For: Character Profile & Story Note
Well, this seems interesting. I'd say your character seems great, but not much is known about her. I can't wait to see what your changes will do the entire Naruto plot. I'm glad Sasuke returned. I like fanfictions that have him come back for some reason.
Author's Response: When I saw that someone already reviewed, I freaked out because I thought it was going to be something bad. ._. But thank you for reviewing so quickly! That is true, I guess I'll just have to wait till a little later in the story to get feedback on Kaoru. I love fanfictions like that too! But I'm not all the sure if I want to see it happen in the manga. Thank you again for reviewing!