Reviews For Naruto GX
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 23/05/11 - 02:49 pm · For: OC's invitation!
Yay, Sora's gone, and all is right with the world! Whoohoo!
And oh my gosh, I started a trend! OCs included, wow! Everyone's doing it now, I feel like such a trendsetter.
Name [first and last]*: Yuki Ookami
Age*: 15
Gender*: Female
Rank*: ANBU
Series [Yugioh or Naruto, or both.]*: Naruto
Family [can't be Jaden's sibling or parent]*: none, they were all killed on missions
History* [Life story]: She was born an only child, and her parents loved her very much. But her parents, as jounin for the Leaf Village, were killed on the same mission trying to defend their village. Yuki was only 4 when her parents died; since that day, she trained to become stronger and make her parents proud. But the burden of her deceased parents still hung on her shoulders greatly, so she joined ANBU at the age of thirteen to kill her emotions and not have to think about her parents.
Hiashi sends Yuki to Duel Academy to blend in, but he wants her to keep and eye on his children (or break Naruto and Hinata up, just something along those lines).
Appearence* [Picture or description, I don't care.....]: She has long black hair that reaches her mid-back. Her eyes are silver. Outfit... whatever dorm you want to put her in, she wears that outfit.
Crush [can't be Naruto, Hinata, Ezra, or Sasuke.]: none, she's heartless :D
Transformations* [Super Form or not, only for the Naruto series people.]: She has the ability to harness the powers of a wolf. She can use certain features, such as just claws, smell, or hearing, or she can change all the way and turn into a full wolf.
Duel Monsters Deck* [Can't have Synchro's, and it can be fanmade, just say, Fanmade]: Idk, a wolf deck? Make them up if you want, I don't care :D
Goal* [Like the dream a person has, like Naruto wants to become Hokage] She just wants to give her life for her duty; she feels that is all her purpose is, since she has no one to care for her.
Everything else, you can totally have fun with. I like the idea, good luck!
Author's Response: Cool OC! And yes, Sora is gone! Well, not forever, I mean, I can't just kill a Character off like that. And yes, you inspired the idea of that on another person, and I saw that and yeah...... But Yuki sounds pretty cool! ANBU is harsh, and at first when Sai was introduced I thought that he was just a jerk, but when I heard about the Foundation I'm like "Oh my gosh that is cruel." Deceased Parents, I can make use of that. Very easily. Yuki seems like a good OC. She'll make a good character for this story! Thanks!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 22/05/11 - 01:34 pm · For: Chapter 19: The Ultimate Battle! Ezra and Sasuke VS Sora!
Oh... gosh... I was so afraid it was over, and I was just about to yell at you for nearly killing off Sasuke and Ezra. Thank goodness you didn't, it saved me a heartattack and a lecture session. Yeesh, you really know how to frighten a girl!
Anyways, nice imagination with the Super Ninja Form, it reminds me of Dragonball Z, haha! And when Ezra and Sasuke fused together, I was just like, 'Omg, Polymerization!' Haha, but it was a really good setup for the next chapter, which should be even more intense and epic! I'm only disappointed that I can't find out how the battle ends right now! Please update soon, I'm in suspense and everything now!
Author's Response: I'm so sorry for scaring you! I was making it epic enough, with a comeback and everything, and I never planned a death. Well, except maybe Sora, still not sure what to do........... But I got the transformation from DBZ, but the fusion was not Polymerization, it was actually inspired from a flash called Sonic: Nazo Unleashed. I won't leave you hanging for long, hopefully. I'm in the middle of writing the chapter as we speak. Thanks, and again, sorry for scaring you!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 21/05/11 - 08:15 am · For: Chapter 18: The Afterlife! A New Jutsu by.......Hinata?!
The final battle! Oh gosh, I'm so excited! This is going to be so intense, just as Jaden said! And with such a big audience, Sasuke and Ezra had better not lose, there is too much on the line! Oh, but I did like how everyone got to see the afterlife. Everyone got to see their dead loved ones. Unfortunately, Hiashi didn't listen to his wife! She should have threatened to haunt him. Anyways, good chapter. It was very creative and sentimental. And it also led up to the big battle. I'm so excited for that, I can't wait. Keep up the good work with this! Please update soon!
Author's Response: I'm excited to! The final battle! Ezra and Sasuke VS Sora! A battle that I've been planning for a while!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/11 - 05:36 pm · For: Chapter 17: Ezra and Naruto are Extreme Fighters! Naruto VS Ezra in a Battle of Skills!
Wow, interesting twist right there. His spirit can enter the afterlife? Kinda cool and kind spooky when I think about it, just because it is so spiritual that it seems scary. But I think that is really cool that he can talk to all of the deceased loved ones. And he met his mom! That is so cute. And such a nice friendly battle between Naruto and Ezra, but such epicness! I love it all! Great work, keep up the awesome writing!
Author's Response: Enter, Spiritual stuff! Ezra meeting his mom, that was my favorite part to write about! I was planning that all along. But I was planning on a fight. But enough! I have a story to write! [I am in the middle of a chapter.]
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 19/05/11 - 07:36 pm · For: Chapter 16: Ezra VS Sora! The Small Skirmish!
Oh gosh, I really do not like Sora. How on earth can he think that everything is okay?! I just wish Ezra and Sasuke would beat him already! Naruto and Hinata forever!!!
Author's Response: Honestly, I don't know. I don't like Sora either. Ezra and Sasuke VS Sora will come soon enough. And yes, NaruHina forever!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 19/05/11 - 07:38 am · For: Chapter 15: The Plan Starts Here! Ezra and Sasuke, go back into confusion!
Wow, amazing chapter. There was so much drama. The battle was full of epicness, and the entire plot is moving along very nicely. This whole arranged marriage is a very good idea, it adds a lot of depth to the story. The ending with the Uchiha brothers giving pep talks to Hinata and Naruto was very sweet as well. Overall, another great chapter. Keep up the improvement with this story, it is really getting very good. This is really developing into a nice story. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Thanks! I like the idea of Ezra and Sasuke vs a new guy, and that will be an epic battle. Thank you!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 16/05/11 - 06:03 pm · For: Chapter 14: Enter, Sora Hyuga!
Oh, Ezra is so right, when will he realize it?! I like Jaden, he's very supportive and a good friend. Nice portrayal of him. And the humor within the red dorm was very funny, I love the comedy!
Naruto and Hinata continue to be adorable, yet their relationship continues to encounter terrible strains. So dramatic, and I love it. And with Sora here, things can only get worse. I hope things work out, of course.
Can't wait for the next chapter. I gotta see how Naruto and Hinata react to Sora and what he will do to them! Please get the next chapter out soon, I really do enjoy this story. Keep up the great improvement with your story, you really are doing well now. Keep up the incredible work!
Author's Response: Thanks! Yugioh GX was always the one that had the most comedy to me, so I have to put some in, right? Yes, Yes, Naruto and Hinata are still having a hard time, and Sora is just going to make it worse. Thanks!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 16/05/11 - 02:06 pm · For: Chapter 13: Ezra and Jaden's Duel's! Syrus got a love letter?
Majorly epic duels! Amazing, thank you so much for the action! And again, Naruto and Hinata are still as adorable as ever. I love their relationship, good job! And the crazy spooky plan that the Leaf ninja have made to end the love between the couple is so mean and downright awful, but it adds greatly to the plot. Great work, it's original and suspenseful at the same time. I saw a lot of improvement in this chapter from some of your earlier chapters, so I commend you. Excellent job with this chapter, and please keep up the good work with your writing.
Author's Response: Thanks! I love this story and how well it's turning out. I'm so glad that you like it, and I can't wait for the next few chapters. Thanks for the awesome reviews! And I must thank you on your first review, I made really good use of it.rnAgain, Thank you!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 15/05/11 - 10:08 am · For: Chapter 1: Memories
To theez,
I think when the site went down, everything that had been submitted in the last month or so was erased. It happened to one of the chapters for my story, and that had been uploaded in mid-April. From what I've seen, it happened to everyone, but some people haven't noticed it yet.
I'm not an administrator or anything, so I can't guarantee that your work will reappear again. Have you saved your work on your computer or a flash drive? If you have, just paste it back into your story. If you haven't, then I'm sorry to say that you might have to write it again. As I said, I'm not administrator, so I am not entirely sure if you have to rewrite your work or not, I'm merely making assumptions. I know it sucks, but if you want help writing and posting your stuff again, you can ask me if you want. I'd be happy to help you out.
Good luck.
Author's Response: Thanks, that's what I thought to. But at least my latest chapter isn't deleted......... But otherwise, I can rewrite it...... I did like the fights......... but I'll wait and just update on the present for now. I'll try to upload soon!
Name: theez (Signed) · Date: 15/05/11 - 04:34 am · For: Chapter 1: Memories
I'm so sorry for everyone who is just reading this. I'm still wondering what happened to my work also.... if someone could help me figure out what happened, please tell me.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 09/05/11 - 06:31 pm · For: Chapter 11: Hinata's Care! Ezra's landed in.... Slifer?!
Yay! New chapter already! And YAY!!! Some NaruHina action! I'm so excited for that couple, they are so cute! They are my all-time favorite couple. that scene was so cute, when she kissed him! So adorable!
Anyways, nice work with this chapter. I'm very pleased with how this story is unfolding, it is slowly developing well and getting more and more interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next, so update soon please!
Author's Response: Yeah, those two are probably my favorite couple to. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks!!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 09/05/11 - 02:51 pm · For: Chapter 10: Duel Academy: Entrance exam!
Yay! Yugioh action! I love it, I love duels so much! I'm so happy the Naruto kids finally made it to Duel Academy. These five years are going to be packed with so much fun for them, and I am so excited to read it! Amazing duel, very nice.
I never actually caught onto Yu-Gi-Oh GX, but I do know the gist of it. I was just wondering if the cards you used for this chapter were real or made up. Just wondering.
Anyways, keep up the good work, and I hope you update soon with some more Naruto/Yu-Gi-Oh action!!!
Author's Response: The cards I used for Ezra's deck were made up, and the elemental sword was made up as well. But that's it. The only reason I had that was because I forgot how Crowler lost 1000 life points. I'm so glad that you know the gist of GX. Thanks for you reviews, and I hope to get more!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 10:56 am · For: Chapter 9: Hinata Explodes! Sakura's Twisted Plan!
A-MA-ZING!!!!
This was so dramatic. Sakura's twisted mind really had me falling out of my seat. While I still think she was OOC, I still enjoyed it. Her plan is so devious. It's so heartbreaking to hear that Naruto doesn't know about Hinata's confession, but that really does answer a lot of questions about the relationship issue.
And I must say, you have a real gift for fight scenes. Your battles are very epic and well-written. They're descriptive and elaborate. Continue to apply that gift for normal scenes, and your writing will be awesome!
Excellent work with this, and I look forward to seeing how things work out now that Sakura and Lee were defeated. Keep up the good work, and I hope you update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sakura's twisted mind was one of my favorite parts to write about, and the relationship issue will be resolved later in the story. As for the fight scenes, I think being a DBZ fan really helps. It's to bad that they can't fly in Naruto, but oh well. Again, Thanks!!!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 06/05/11 - 06:24 pm · For: Chapter 8: Naruto's Decision!
Hmm, Lee and Sakura were pretty OOC in chapter 7. I can understand Sakura cheating on Naruto, I've imagined that scene myself. But I really don't think a fight would have broken out, unless Naruto initiated it. But I will admit it was a very epic fight scene, very well-written and descriptive with the attacks and abilities. It was also kind of sad to see them lose.
But since Sakura is out of the picture, perhaps there can be some NaruHina... I hope so. And now Naruto wants to go to Duel Academy... exciting! I can't wait to see everyone at Duel Academy and witness some Yu-Gi-Oh action, that should be really fun to read.
I look forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work cuz your writing is improving with each chapter. Good work!
Author's Response: Sorry about the OOC, I made it that way to make them seem triumphant. As for the fight, I can understand where you are coming from, and thanks! I thought that the fight would be a good way to describe how Sakura had truly given up on Naruto, and how everyone wanted to get Sakura and Lee back for what they did. I thought that making Ezra brave enough to fight with his arms broken was a good fight format, only able to use his legs. And it helped with the ending to, cuz of the way she re-broke his arm. I meant for them to lose, since that would mean Sakura would be able to leave Naruto forever. And I had to make a good excuse for Naruto to go to Duel Academy, since Ezra, Sasuke, and Hinata were going as well. In at least the next two chapters there will be some Duel Monsters action! Yipeee!!!!! Thanks for the review. I can't wait to go to bed, get up, and start writing. Again thanks!!!
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 05:21 pm · For: Chapter 6: Ezra and Sasuke's Mission
Wow, Ezra is so powerful! I like him. He makes a good hero! I agree, much improvement here!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 04:59 pm · For: Chapter 6: Ezra and Sasuke's Mission
Wow. Talk about improvement. This was your best chapter yet. The fight scene was so amazing and descriptive. Everything was very well-written. I'm glad to see that you have improved in your writing. Great work, I'm really impressed with this. I look forward to the next update and reading what else you have in store for us. Keep up the good work!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 11:24 am · For: Chapter 1: Memories
Hello! This is really interesting. You've got a good story going, but the only problem is
A: spacing
and B: everything is all bunched up and everything is summarized. Instead of telling what happened, you should try to show it. Like instead of saying that Ezra was scared you could show he was scared by showing him walking along the road and getting freaked out when a bunch of people grab him.
I really liked the idea though, and i think i got the gist of it. it seems interesting that Hiashi is his father and he's a brother to Hinata and Hinabi and Sasuke.
BTW: if you go to account info and press reviews recieved you can respond to your reviews personally...
Name: theez (Signed) · Date: 04/05/11 - 06:34 pm · For: Chapter 1: Memories
Thank you all for the reviews! I'm so glad that you like it. Thanks for the tip on how to space, Konan. Again, Thanks!
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 04/05/11 - 02:45 pm · For: Chapter 5: Siblingly Love
Good chapter I must say! Really great improvement. I've never tried to imagine what Hinata's room would look like, but I like what you did with the walls.
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 04/05/11 - 02:30 pm · For: Chapter 3: The Race
I recommend not using the word 'Then' so much. It gets bothersome. I don't watch Yu-Gi-Oh but your story isn't bad.
Name: Konan (Signed) · Date: 04/05/11 - 02:22 pm · For: Chapter 1: Memories
Put < p > (no spaces) in front of a new paragraph to space it out.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/05/11 - 12:36 pm · For: Chapter 5: Siblingly Love
This chapter was a lot better! Good work with your improvement.
This was a longer chapter, so you were able to write more and describe more. The Chidori scene was described well and the intro to new characters was decent.
And the scene with the three siblings was touching. It was sweet to see them all together, and there was quite a breakthrough with Hinata.
Very impressive, I'm happy to see that you are bettering yourself in your writing. The only complaint I would have is to space your sentences. I mean to start a new line when the dialogue switches between people, that way it is easier to see who is talking. But that's it.
A good job well done. Keep on writing, and your improvement will definitely show. I'm happy to see that you are improving. Keep up the good work!
Name: Theez (Anonymous) · Date: 02/05/11 - 06:17 pm · For: Chapter 1: Memories
Thanks SilverWolf1213. I can really understand where you are coming from, and I'm not offended at all of what you had said. In fact, I can probably use this to improve the story. Thank you so much. Thanks for the nice review on Ezra, I am glad that you like him. The brother of Sasuke and Hinata was an idea I had from the start. I always liked the idea of someone being able to switch out of Byakugan and Sharingan. Just no one had thought of it [although I did see a character in Naruto Abunai have a Sharingan in one eye, and the other byakugan.] I can see how it is rushed, I just want to get to the Yugioh [although they will stay in the Naruto world for a little longer, a lot of important stuff to the story will happen there.] Again, thank you for that review, and I will use this to help with my writing. Thanks!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 02/05/11 - 05:12 pm · For: Chapter 4: Dr. Crowler meet's Ezra.... again!
Okay, please do not take offense to this. I understand you are twelve-years-old and that this is probably your first fanfiction. I only offer constructive criticism.
1) Some spacing would have been nice. It was kind of hard to read and gave me a headache because everything was jumbled together.
2) You need a little more description. Everything seemed really rushed with no attention to detail or anything.
3) More elaboration should be paid to the actual storyline. Other than the short first chapter, there was no real explanation as to what is really going on.
Now, with all of this in mind, let me get on to the positive stuff. I actually really like this idea. A Naruto/Yugioh Gx crossover. It seems like a good idea. The ideas you put in really seem like they could make a good story.
Ezra seems like a good OC that could really caught my attention, what with his past and everything. And having him be the brother to Sasuke and Hinata seems really original, and I kinda like it.
This could really be an interesting crossover story. You just really need to pay attention to detail and elaboration. There is no need to rush the plot. More description keeps the story organized as well as impresses the reader. If you need help writing, you can always ask someone you know or contact any of the authors, such as myself, to beta (edit) your story.
I'm really sorry if I offended you or anything. But I really think this story could be interesting if more there were more description and elaboration. It takes courage to post your work on a site, and I commend you for it. Keep on writing, and good luck with this!