Reviews For One Little Girl
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 06:23 pm · For: ROOT
Interesting chapter
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 06:20 pm · For: Mission! Escort the Bridge Builder!
Not one of my favorite chapter…(sorry please forgive me) the whole rebelling thing seemed a little off.
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 06:16 pm · For: Meet the Team
Hmmm I like how got team seven reaction with each other pretty much close to character good job.
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 06:08 pm · For: Teamwork
Good she has weakness, that’s an important part on making an OC you have to give her human like weakness. Don’t be afraid to make the weakness part of her faults as a person
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 06:00 pm · For: ANBU
Her senses are too strong to even be human. But still good chapter I like reading your work ^-^
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 08/05/11 - 03:57 pm · For: Mission Complete: You Guys Fail! Sorta..
awww poor Madeline she couldn't be a ninja...
Be careful with The ANBU part that is a hard spot to get. Even Itachi had to pass a test to become ANBU
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 03:51 pm · For: Mission: Life and Death of a Ninja part 4
“He annoyed me so much. He wasn't even taking me seriously!” Good job that’s Kabuto’s personality alright ^0^“He didn't look worried at all” Yep Kabuto’s personality is defiantly laid back he has a tendency of leading you one way then he moves the other very good he is a difficult character because he is very difficult to read.
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 03:29 pm · For: Mission: Life and Death of a Ninja part 3
Tsukagon (suke-ae-gon) I like this as Kekkai Genkai (remember Kekkai GenKai is a blood line trait it has to be a family trait) it seems reasonable Madeline is good with Genjutsu so it seems reasonable…Sakura and Naruto getting caught in traps are defiantly in character, Sasuke doging is him in character as well...so good job :]P.S. I’m not trying to mean in my reviews and I’m sorry if turns out that but you’re very good at description
Author's Response: You are not being mean at all. =D you are actually helping me so much with this. thanks so much. For the Kekkai Genkai, i took a few liberties. Because Kakashi inherited the Sharingan, he has that kekkai genkai without being an uchiha. I wondered what would happen if the inherrited sharingan was passed down through families. Because a non-inherited sharingan did the same, I wondered what a inherrited one would do. I also wondered what would happen if, lets say a hyuuga and an uchiha, had a kid. Would that kid get the sharingan or byakugan? It never said the Miterashi clan DIDN'T have a kekkai genkai, so I made one up. The result, the Tsukagon. =D
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 05/05/11 - 12:13 am · For: Mission: Life and Death of a Ninja part 2
Aw~ you OC looks like mine black hair and black eyes, white skin (like snow white ^0^). Anyway be careful on this chapter Kakashi nor Anko have a Kekkei Genkai. It would be wise not to give Madeline one too
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 02/05/11 - 05:15 pm · For: Mission: Life and Death of Ninja
A detailed chapter =) it short but its detailed good job :} Naruto being scared is kind of off. Don’t forget Naruto is loud and hard head he will not cower in fear he’ll scream the first thing that comes into mind remember that.
Sakura thanks for not bashing her (though I hate her)That’s very mature of you…keep on writing XD
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! it is so nice of you to give help. Yea, I am very OOC in this story. Sorry. Thanks so much for the help. I try at least. =D
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 02/05/11 - 04:15 pm · For: Parents and Orochimaru...=0
Awww You’re so cute, yeah you have a lot off OOC but your twelve and the fact that you are asking for help is great it will help you become a stronger writer you kept Orochimaru in character good for you thumbs up XP
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 02/05/11 - 03:40 pm · For: A Situation
Interesting I like how you made up your own jutsu very interesting…oh Kakashi has a child?!?!O.o
Name: Miko_Yami (Signed) · Date: 02/05/11 - 02:30 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
First let me tell you one thing you are brave and only twelve and your writing?!?! That amazing I wish when I was your age I was writing. You are brave for even asking for help on your story…
The characters in the first chapter seem pretty much in character the whole introduction thing was definitely Naruto. As for Sasuke something seems off but this is the first chapter so I can’t say much…good job on writing XD
Name: Fantasy Madeline (Signed) · Date: 14/04/11 - 06:46 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
At my anonymous reviewer:
Thank you for taking the time to review. I would like to ask if you could write a better story, and if so please do. I would love to see the author's work if mine is horrid.
If you don't like it, don't read it. I try my best, and give me a break! I am 12 for crying out loud!
So, please stop bashing my work. Thank you.
PS: I'm 12 and I have better spelling and grammar. Seriously, stop bashing stories and study.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 14/04/11 - 06:18 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
Wow, Anonymous. Obviously, you didn't read my previous review, which was directed towards you.
Seriously, why are you still reading this story if you hate it that much? Just stop bashing this story.
Oh, and by the way, you spelled 'stupid' wrong two out of the four times you said it. Work on your spelling and maybe work on building your vocabulary while your at it.
Name: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: 14/04/11 - 05:41 pm · For: BONUS CHAPTER
know 1 needs ur stupid bonus chapter. This storyy is supid and ur stupid fro putting thiup this is rellly tstupid.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/11 - 06:08 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
Hmm, I noticed that a certain Anonymous reviewer was flaming one of my favorite stories and one of my favorite authors. I just thought I would say to knock it off.
Flaming is not illegal or anything. Constructive criticism is always appreciated by any author.
Please note that I said constructive criticism. If you are just going to bash someone else's writing without giving any helpful suggestions or advice, then that makes you a coward. You are a coward, not for using an Anonymous title, but for flaming another person's writing without giving any helpful criticism. That only means you do not know how to write a better story. What is helpful about 'This is stupid. She's a Mary Sue.'? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
In addition, I agree with my fellow author, SincereGlomp. Any reviewer who decides to say that a story is 'badly written and sucks' should probably check his/her spelling and grammar before posting. Whoever you are, Anonymous, you just embarrassed yourself on the internet.
I do not intend to start a war of reviews on Fantasy Madeline's story. I support her writing; I am a fan of her writing style. I enjoy everything she posts on this website.
I am not forcing anyone to like this story, even if it is one of my personal favorites. No one can make anyone like something they obviously don't like. However, do not go around badmouthing something without giving any form of suggestions or advice.
I am writing this to Anonymous and all other readers who want to bash another person's writing without giving any type of helpful criticism. Constructive criticism assists authors in their writing. But if you plan on flaming someone, perhaps you should think before you write.
Name: kai_hatake_raver (Signed) · Date: 11/04/11 - 01:40 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
I liked this., Can't wait to read the next chapter. Great Work
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 08:01 pm · For: ANBU
Ahhh... a nice long one....
First: I'm getting rather confused as to her level on the ninja scale. It's bouncing around like me with sugar.... sugar... SUUGGAARRRRRRRRRR.... hee hee.... @u@
Favorite quotes: "I have the authority to see you put in jail." (note to self: ask if i had the power to arrest people.)"
"Kakashi only became jonin at age 13" ONLY?!?
"Yes. And i would prefer it if you don't call my mother a 'scary snake lady'." Wait... so she spazes at Naruot then at Kiba she 'sighed'? Oh... she has to make FRIENDS now.... It's going to be hard not to slip into 'too epic' when she is suddenly having to be nice to people. Maybe if she was a little colder? Sasuke, Neji, and Shino are all cold as ice yet seem to have friends. Maybe you could use their examples? ;)
Team Guy seems like the perfect place for her though. Tenten and Neji are sued to an insain team and Lee and Guy would just be happy to have someone who could keep up with their.... youth...
""Hey Madeline. You remind me of one of my mortal enemies." I wasn't sure if i should have been insulted or flattered"
Ending: Wait... why would her relation to Kakashi be a problem? I know he and Guy are 'mortal enemies', but still.... hmmm... interesting...
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 07:21 pm · For: Mission Complete: You Guys Fail! Sorta..
Favorite quotes: "Wait...Coma?! How long have I been unconscious?" "Only about 2 weeks." "Orochimaru!" "What?"
Then she negotiates like a five year old at bed time. ;3
"Hey look! It's the ninja academy! I remember when we used to go there!" "Naruto, it was only 3 months ago."
And then she goes COMPLETELY BAT CRAZY. Hahaha. I love it!
"You can't just go around the city maiming people." 'Dobby didn't mean to kill... only main or seriously injure!' (- Harry Potter just seemed to fit right here)
"Ninjas. Why can't they just use the front door?" A question that has baffled scientists for years...
Romance: Depends on who you would be pairing her with. Personally, I think you should finnish this fic or go a little further before diverging off on another one, but that's just me. ^-^
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 07:10 pm · For: Mission: Life and Death of a Ninja part 4
1st paragraph: The wording that you use to describe the movement is very well done. It's not over wordy yet is not repetitive either.
You don't just say things as well. In other words: you show them. I like that you never just say 'she is scared', but show the signs that she is afraid and don't treat your readers like idiots. "exclaimed", "small hesitant nod" are specific places.
"flash of movement as i ducked" is an example of your descriptive movements. They keeps things interesting.
2nd: Kabuto was suprised at her mark and that someone her age could glare with such evil intent. I like that you had him return to his usual demeanor quickly though. Kabuto wouldn't likely be afraid of her.
Rest: What is the Miterashi clan kekki genkki? I researched it but couldn't find anything. :(
Whoa. Did she just almost beat Kabuto? Once again, you manage to show how people underestimate her. I love how her slightly sadistic qualities are coming alone. So cool.... *drools over newly epic character*
"She was...actually sort of hot..." wft? I nearly died laughing. Why Kabuto was thinking this of someone far younger than him and in the middle of battle is beyond me. XD Kabuto goes from descibing how she looks like a murderuos manic to how she looks hot? WFT!?!? Lol, that's ALL I can say.
"It wasn't like..OMG I'm gonna die!!!...it was more like..Hey. I'm going to lose." Kabuto goes OOC slightly I guess over here. I personally didn't think she should have been able to beat him so easily though.
And then came the snake. Why didn't he kidnap her though? The suspense! Must. click. Next. Button.
Good except for the slight OOCness
I liked the beginning the best and the ending. It was just the fight with Kabuto where she started to win that bugged me :p
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 06:48 pm · For: Mission: Life and Death of a Ninja part 3
"(pronounced mine-ae-gon)"
Helpful to know how to read this. ^-^
"What a pain."
What a very Shika moment.
"In front of him were three huge monster tiger....things." You make man eating/demolishing beings sound funny :)
"Sorry if not best chapter." I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS!!! AAAARRGG!!!
This chapter had a great pace to it. I loved how you managed to jump between scenarios and scenes and still managed to keep it clear what was happening. I'm really impressed by that actually. Most people flash through these things is a sloppy hack-hazard way. Really well done
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 06:32 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
"THAT WAS A JOK!!!!! HAHAHAH !!! YOUR STUPI D FOR FALLING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!"
*Joke
*No spacing between the end of a sentence and punctuation
*You are or your're
*Stupid
Name: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: 10/04/11 - 06:30 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
THAT WAS A JOK!!!!! HAHAHAH !!! YOUR STUPI D FOR FALLING FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Name: SincereGlomp (Signed) · Date: 10/04/11 - 06:29 pm · For: Introducing Madalyn
"What s a hyphen?"
*What's or What is
A hyphen connects words that are either separated by two lines or two words that are usually not paired together.