Iruka had felt the worried gaze of Ichiraku's owner from almost the moment he had stumbled into the stand. He had smiled at him as he sat, had mumbled something about a difficult assignment; however, that had only seemed to worry the man more. He was wondering how best to deflect that concern, and maybe inquire about Naruto, when the man looked away from him.
"Ah, good afternoon, Kakashi-sensei!"
Iruka's head whipped back to the entrance in surprise as the owner greeted the grey-haired shinobi. He regretted the action almost immediately, as his dizziness came back full force, and he wobbled on the stool. He had to grip the counter tightly in order to keep from falling off. A hand on his elbow helped him to re-establish his balance.
"Iruka-sensei?"
The voice that called him was grainy with exhaustion, and he looked up at Kakashi, this time at a much slower rate. He smiled, wanly, in reaction to the concern he saw in the single eye, and motioned the other shinobi to the seat next to him.
The jounin eyed him carefully as he sat down. "I don't know if I should be flattered or worried that you nearly fell off of your seat at the mention of my name." His tone was flirtatious, and Iruka felt himself redden a bit.
"I was merely surprised, Kakashi-sensei. I didn't know you came to this particular stand."
He realized it was a stupid statement as soon as it left his mouth. This had been one of Naruto's sensei, after all, and when wasn't the blond demanding his favorite food? Iruka wondered if it was somehow possible to sneak away before the other man had noticed how embarrassed he was. If the dizziness a moment before hadn't been warning enough, though, a sudden twinge from his ankle confirmed that if he tried, he'd embarrass himself even more.
"I have it on good authority that this is a great place," Kakashi said as if echoing his first thought. Though his face had softened in mirth, it was apparent to the brown haired chuunin that the jounin was at least as tired as he was. It was possible he was just newly returned from his mission as well. He wondered if he had also come here first, instead of reporting in.
"I should hope so," Iruka said, moving his head slowly to glance down at his menu. The movement hurt, for all of his care. "I've brought Naruto here often enough." He paused, as a finger played with the edge of the paper. "Have you heard any news about him recently?"
Kakashi shook his head, though the chuunin only knew that from the way his shadow moved against the counter top. "No, but I haven't exactly been around to hear anything either. I was thinking about tracking Sakura down, but I don't know if I'll be given enough time to do so before my next mission."
Iruka sighed, shoulders slumping in disappointment. He knew it had been foolish, but he had hoped that the blond had returned while he had been out of the village. He had hoped to find him here. He had wanted to see him, had needed to.
"I'm sure he's fine, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said. Iruka could feel the jounin's eye on him, could feel as it examined him. He closed his own eyes against it. "Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"
"Probably," Iruka said, fingers bothering the edge of his menu. If he tried hard enough, he knew he could pretend that this man sitting next to him was a boy, short for his age, with bright hair and a brighter smile. If he tried, he could hear Naruto, could imagine him grinning at him.
"I'm going to become Hokage and make everyone recognize my existence!"
His hands trembled, and he could feel the pounding in his head increase.
"Ah," Kakashi said delicately. It was a few moments before he spoke up again. "Then why are you still here?"
"I wanted ramen," he replied distantly.
The jounin was silent after that, and they were asked for their orders before the quiet between them could become too oppressive. Iruka found, surprisingly, that he couldn't feel grateful for it. He had hoped, maybe, that Kakashi would attempt to strike up another conversation. That the silence would drive him to ramble, to talk of anything, so that something there might distract him. He so desperately did not want to be alone with his thoughts right now.
He could feel the heat from the bowl the moment it had been placed in front of him. He opened his eyes, and waited for the world to stop moving so he could eat his damn food. He knew that if he waited too long, Naruto would probably claim it before he had a chance to do more than break apart his chopsticks.
"Iruka-sensei? Iruka!"
The voice was far off, distant, and he wondered why it sounded so frantic.
"Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei!"
The heavy hand that landed on his back forced the chuunin to nearly spit his noodles back into his bowl, and, coughing, he turned a glare on the grey-haired jounin that would have sent a lesser man scrambling back. Kakashi grinned at him like a crazy bastard.
"Kakashi-sensei! It's rude to greet someone like that!"
If anything, Kakashi appeared to be even more delighted with that answer, and Iruka's glare intensified as the jounin sat down next to him.
"It's nice to see you so chipper, Iruka-sensei! Last time I wondered if you'd live through the meal."
Iruka blushed at that, and it was only partially from the teasing tone in Kakashi's voice. It'd been two weeks since he'd passed out at the ramen stand. One moment he had been at Ichiraku's, the next he had been in a hospital room with a rather irate doctor glaring at him. When he had finally been well enough to report in, the Hokage had most definitely not been amused.
"Ah, well, thank you, Kakashi-sensei. The nurses said I was a mess when you brought me in. You wouldn't believe the scolding they gave me..."
Iruka watched Kakashi, watched the play of emotion over his features, through the mask, as he talked. Kakashi ordered his food as Iruka told him about the reprimands, about how serious his injuries had been. He admitted to having been astounded by how badly injured he had been, and that he couldn't believe he had even made it as far as the ramen stand.
He was merely talking to fill up the space between them, however; for all of the interest that Kakashi seemed to be showing, Iruka knew he already knew all of this. The nurses had had nothing but praise for him, and had gone on about how considerate he was, how worried he had been. Iruka had spent two days in and out of sleep, and they had gushed about how often Kakashi had been by, about how he would spend hours sitting in the chair by his bed.
They had been so enthused about Kakashi that he simply didn't have the heart to tell them that the two men only had a passing acquaintance. He had smiled at the nurses in mild discomfort every time they went on about how great Kakashi was. But he had found it puzzling; he couldn't understand why he had bothered.
That hadn't been the strangest thing to happen, however. The oddest had been the single red carnation in a vase next to his bed when he woke. It had never died, never wilted during his stay in the hospital, and he could only assume someone was changing it every day or so of the five days he had been there. He suspected Kakashi, but no one knew the identity of the mysterious gift giver.
So he had been curious, dreadfully curious, the entire time since his release. This was the first time he had actually seen the jounin since that day, and as the conversation between them drifted into a comfortable silence, he wondered again why he had visited. And he ignored the small part of him that had been hurt, that still smarted a little, when Kakashi had never shown while he was awake.
Though, admittedly, wondering about that had certainly distracted from why he had went to the ramen stand in the first place. That was one thing to be grateful for.
"The nurses said you visited me," he said abruptly. If he hadn't still been looking at him, he wouldn't have caught the way he had jerked at that, the way he had looked away from him, as if embarrassed.
"Ah," Kakashi said. He suddenly appeared to be very interested in the menu.
"Why?"
The jounin shrugged, fingers trailing down the various options. "Why didn't you go straight to the hospital that day?" he said lightly.
The chuunin frowned. "I don't see how that has anything to do with that."
Kakashi gave him an unreadable glance. "I wouldn't have known you needed anyone to visit if you had gone straight there."
"I didn't need anyone to visit me," Iruka protested. A part of him tried to pipe up at that, but he squashed it. "Besides, it's not like I actually saw you. If the nurses hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known."
"Ah."
Iruka looked at Kakashi in exasperation. "And what exactly does that mean?"
Kakashi just looked at him. Iruka glared at him, again, and couldn't decide whether he wanted to hit him, shake him, or both. Why did this have to be so hard?
"You could have at least come to see me while I was awake," he snapped finally. "I thought I was going out of my mind with the way the nurses were hovering over me, and any company would have been nice."
Surprisingly enough, the jounin perked up at that. "I thought you didn't need any company," he said teasingly, a corner of his mask quirking up.
"I didn't, but if you were there anyway, I'm just saying it would have been nice." The chuunin huffed in frustration, and turned away from him.
It was hard not to miss Kakashi's chuckle, however. "You only had to ask."
Iruka leveled a flat stare at the counter, before slanting it at him. "You would have had to be there for that."
Kakashi winced, but the eyes he turned on him were warm. "My apologies, then, Iruka-sensei. I didn't mean to ignore you, I was just worried. If you died on my watch, Naruto would have been very upset. But I had another mission before you woke."
"Oh."
By then Kakashi's ramen arrived, and Iruka ignored the amused smile the owner was giving him. He knew his cheeks were burning, but couldn't do anything about it without brining attention to himself.
He tried to continue eating his food, only to find it had gone cold. He grimaced at it. He played with his noodles as the jounin ate, wondering if he should just pay and go, or wait for him to finish. He was still curious about the flower, but if Kakashi had left on a mission, he could hardly have been the one to gift him with it. He sighed. For some reason, he was disappointed.
"Iruka-sensei?"
Iruka looked up to see Kakashi looking at him carefully. He smiled sheepishly.
"I was just thinking, Kakashi-sensei. Someone brought me a flower, and I have no idea who. I can't think of anyone who would have visited me."
Kakashi looked a bit surprise, and if anything, guilty. "Surely one of your students...?"
Iruka's smile turned wistful as he shook his head. "Naruto would have, but I can't think of anyone else. I wasn't very close to any of them, and I'd been on missions for the village for a while before it."
"Ah." The jounin placed his chopsticks beside his bowl. He looked outside the stand briefly, before looking back at Iruka. "That was very thoughtful, whoever it was."
Iruka nodded. "It was. It did make me feel a little better; I just wish I knew who left it so I can thank them."
There was another comfortable silence between them before Kakashi spoke up again.
"Sakura says Naruto is doing well."
Iruka perked up at that, and the two men talked of the blond well into the evening. Kakashi didn't ask him again about that day, and Iruka didn't bring up his mysterious gift. But that night, when he returned home and found a new carnation in the vase on his table, he started to wonder about it all over again.
Iruka found himself running into Kakashi frequently after that.
The jounin would turn up when he shopped, and would somehow end up carrying the small amount of groceries he usually purchased. About half the time he'd be keeping a running commentary on whatever he was reading, and since this was usually porn, Iruka found himself rambling about whatever he could think of to keep the other man from talking. It only worked a quarter of the time.
Kakashi showed up with more frequency at Ichiraku's, both with and without him. Teuchi, the owner, commented on it to Iruka one evening when the other man was out of the village on a mission. He said that the jounin hadn't been there this often since team 7 had first formed. Iruka wondered about that aloud, and Teuchi just smiled and said he could think of a reason. He never shared it with the chuunin though.
It didn't take long before these frequent meetings with the jounin started to become habit. They became such a part of his routine that he had a hard time imagining what his life had been before this new friendship he had. So much, that he found himself very disappointed whenever he knew the jounin was out on assignment.
The habit that meant the most to Iruka, however, were the late afternoon chats at the ramen stand. Their talks had been superficial at first: Iruka's students, Kakashi's assignments, people they knew, gossip they had heard. But these things had run out soon enough, and Iruka found himself confiding in the other man his worries about Naruto, his frustration that he had been sent back to teach at the Academy after his last mission.
Kakashi talked about his own regrets, especially when it came to Sasuke, to Naruto, to even Sakura. He had focused so much on the Uchiha, he said, that he had completely ignored the other two. He blamed himself for Sasuke's defection, and was angry that he had lost his other two students because of it. He admitted he'd been pushing himself more than he had been before; if he'd been stronger, he would still have his students.
He'd once mentioned that he had another reason, but he never told Iruka what it was. This was ok: Iruka hadn't exactly confided everything to Kakashi either.
What Iruka did make a point of mentioning, however, were the carnations that continued to show up in his apartment.
"It worries me," Iruka told him. "I thought it was sweet, at first, but who is this person and how is he continuing to do this? I've set traps, but they're always disabled... I don't know if it's because I'm just not very good at setting them, or because he's very good at disabling them." He nervously ran a hand through his hair. "Either way, it makes me nervous when I go home and when I wake up."
Kakashi was silent for a moment as he appeared to think about it. "If this person hasn't done anything yet, it's possible that he won't. If you're too nervous, though, I can always walk you home."
The grin the jounin gave him was positively lascivious and Iruka blushed.
"That's very kind of you, Kakashi-sensei, but I don't think it's that serious." After all, he already felt worthless enough as a shinobi without having a jounin walking him to his own home to make sure he wouldn't be attacked.
But the jounin just shook his head as he continued to smile at him. "Too bad! I'm doing it anyway."
And Iruka could only smile back, chagrined.
This became another habit as well. Kakashi showed up to the Academy in the afternoons he had free, would walk with him to dinner, and then home. He always invited himself in, would peer around his apartment, and share a pot of tea before leaving. Many times, he showed up in the morning and invited himself to breakfast.
When he questioned Kakashi about his presence in the morning, the jounin only grinned and said: "But who could possibly say no to such wonderful food made by such a lovely cook?"
Iruka had gone beet red, and didn't mention that he had never once asked him over in the mornings.
And so things continued like this, until Kakashi was given a extended mission three weeks before Naruto's birthday.
The sounds of the festival filtered into the darkness of the ramen stand, reminding Iruka that there was somewhere else he could be. He ignored it, looking down at his sake bottle. It hadn't taken much for Iruka to convince the owner to let him just rest for a little at the counter. Teuchi had merely told him to close the front of the stand when he left, and the chuunin quickly agreed.
He hoped Naruto wasn't working too hard today, and that Jiraiya was giving him some sort of proper celebration. He knew that almost every year the blond stayed in his apartment, not bothering to venture out. It was hard for someone to celebrate when everyone else made it apparant that no one wanted him around.
"Iruka...?"
Iruka looked up at the entrance when he heard the familiar voice. Kakashi, still in uniform, was looking at him in some surprise. The relief that washed through him at the sight of his friend was welcome, and he found he couldn't stop looking at him.
"Why are you in here? Shouldn't you be out there with everyone else?"
Iruka shrugged, his eyes running over every part of Kakashi he could see, only partially looking for injuries. Had he just returned? "I didn't feel much like celebrating tonight."
Kakashi pushed aside the curtain as he walked in, and the amount of light that came in made Iruka wince and shy away.
A hand was instantly upon his face, and he found himself looking into Kakashi's worried gaze.
"Are you ok? Did something happen today?"
Iruka tried to shake his head, but found that Kakashi had too strong of a grip on it. He flushed. "No, it was just the light. I've, ah, been sitting here for a while."
The jounin looked down at the counter, and noticed the alcohol. He frowned. "Have you been drinking?"
"No. I wanted to, though." Kakashi looked at him curiously, and Iruka sighed. "Would you mind releasing me now?"
There was just enough light coming through that Iruka could see the blush above his mask as Kakashi quickly moved his hand away. The chuunin smiled at him, even as he missed the contact.
The jounin sat down on the stool next to him. They just sat like that for a few minutes, contemplating each other, before Kakashi reached out and took the sake bottle away from him.
Iruka grimaced. "I had plans for that."
"Not anymore." And the bottle disappeared into one of Kakashi's pouches.
"When did you get back?" Iruka asked him, turning his gaze down to the counter.
"Not too long after sunset," Kakashi said. "I was heading home, when I noticed the stand wasn't completely closed. I thought you were Teuchi-san."
"I asked him if I could sit here for a while. He just asked me to make sure it was closed up when I left."
"How long have you been here?"
Iruka shrugged.
Kakashi sighed. "Iruka, what's wrong?"
"I've missed you," he said softly. "It's been too quiet with you gone."
"Iruka..."
"I had nothing to distract me. All I could do was think of how horrible that last assignment was." He let a mirthless laugh escape him. "All I could do was see why I'll never be anything more than a Academy teacher."
"Iruka, what happened? You never told me." Though he couldn't see Kakashi's expression, he could hear the confusion, frustration, and panic in his voice.
The chuunin took a deep breath before placing his head into his hands. "I was sent in to retrieve some important documents from one of the daimayo. Ordinarily, it would have been a jounin, but they were all out on assignment or otherwise occupied, and the documents had to be taken soon. The Hokage told me that she had full faith in my abilities to pull this off. It was a solo mission, though, because she had no one else to spare." He felt Kakashi's hand on his back, but found the little circles that other man was rubbing into it wouldn't relax him. "When I was scouting the compound, I noticed this kid running around the place. Loud, obnoxious, but very sweet; he couldn't have been much older than 9. And it turns out, he was the daimayo's son."
Iruka looked up and gazed into the darkness. "On the evening of my third day there, I decided I had enough information about the compound so that I could sneak in and retrieve the documents without too much fuss. And everything was going well up until I had the documents; it was then that everything fell apart.
"The boy saw the guard I'd knocked out, and thought I killed him. I didn't even know he was there until I heard him scream that the guard on the door was dead. I didn't know what to do at that point: that door was the only way out. But then I heard him scream again, in fear, before he started to cough.
"I looked around the edge of the doorframe, and saw that the other guard had regained consciousness; I think it was the boy's screams that did it. But he was disoriented, and looking at the boy in confusion: he had run him through." He closed his eyes when he heard Kakashi's swift intake of breath. "I... I just stood there; I didn't know what to do. The child wasn't dead yet, and he was looking at me. But then he slumped down, and that was when the rest of the guards showed up.
"I ran, and killed anyone I came across. I had to; if word had got back to the daimayo that it had been a Leaf shinobi there that night, there would have been hell to pay.
"He just... he reminded me of Naruto, and all I could do was stand there as he died. And I.... and I..."
Iruka couldn't hold it in any longer; he put his head on the counter and started to sob. "I know it wasn't my fault, and I know there wasn't anything I could do, but... he looked like Naruto, and that made it even worse."
"Did you stop to patch yourself up before you came home?" Kakashi asked quietly.
"No," Iruka said, his voice thick with tears. "I was still in shock, I think, and I wasn't thinking right. I came home as fast as I could; I wanted to see Naruto, I wanted to make sure he was ok and then I got to the gates and remembered he wasn't here."
He heard Kakashi exhale slowly. "Why haven't you said anything before this?"
"Who was there to talk to?" he responded derisively. "First there was the nurses, then the Hokage restricting me to Academy duty, and by the time I was comfortable enough with you, I felt stupid."
"It's not stupid if it was eating you up inside this much," Kakashi pointed out. "Iruka..."
But the jounin sighed and didn't say anything after that. He just rubbed Iruka's back softly as the chuunin cried himself out.
Iruka made a face when he felt light suddenly descend on his face. He rubbed his eyes, and looked at the window only to see a maniacally cheerful Kakashi grinning at him.
"Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty!"
Iruka jumped back so fast that he fell off the bed. "Kakashi!"
"Well, that wasn't very promising." He could hear the pout in the jounin's voice, and chuckled despite himself.
"It's not nice to surprise someone like that, Kakashi," Iruka said as he stood up. It was only then that it occured to him that he had no idea how he got home last night, let alone how he had ended up in his bed.
And Kakashi never showed up until after he started breakfast. The chuunin looked at him. Kakashi looked up, sheepish.
"Ah, well, you fell asleep last night. At Ichiraku's. So I closed up for you, and then carried you home. That was ok, wasn't it?"
Iruka grinned at the man wryly. "Wouldn't have mattered if it wasn't. Thank you."
Kakashi looked back at him, and smiled. Iruka felt his heart start to beat that much faster, and averted his gaze. "Would you like breakfast? It's the least I can do, since you brought me home last night."
"I thought you'd never ask!"
Iruka nodded. "Give me a few moments to change and then I'll be right out."
Kakashi stood there, waiting. Iruka looked pointedly at his bedroom door. Kakashi cocked his head to the side, as if to say, "I know you're trying to tell me something, but I refuse to understand what that is."
"If you could please wait for me in the kitchen..." Iruka said firmly. Kakashi, with a wink that made him blush, waltzed out of the room. Iruka settled for shaking his head at the jounin's retreating back.
It didn't take him long to change out of the yukata he had worn the day before and into something more casual. He noticed as he walked into the kitchen that the carnation, which had died during Kakashi's absence, was suddenly in the bloom of full health. He stared at it for a moment, before shaking his head in consternation and moving to his fridge.
The morning took on a familiar edge after that. While Iruka cooked, Kakashi chatted about his latest porn book, and since they weren't in public, the chuunin hummed and let the grey-haired man ramble on to his heart's content. When he finally trailed off, Iruka filled him in on all of the gossip he had missed while he had been out of the village. Kakashi set the table while the chuunin talked, and before long, they were eating and chatting comfortably with each other.
It was odd, Iruka knew, that he could be this comfortable with such a person. Kakashi was an incorrigible flirt, had the worst taste in books (though his commentary on them was often hilarious), and was consistently unreliable. But there was something about him that made Iruka feel safe, something that was hard for him to come by. He had been alone for so long that he had forgotten what it felt like to be able to rely on a person, and that this particular person had managed to become such a one was remarkable.
Iruka knew Kakashi wouldn't bring up the conversation from the night before again. It was enough, for both of them, that he knew. Iruka wasn't alone with his guilt, and that made it that much easier for him to handle. And he knew that Kakashi knew that was enough for him.
It was only when he found himself smiling softly at the man that he realized he had fallen for him, and it was at that moment that Kakashi raised his eyes to meet his. An understanding passed between them, and Kakashi accepted Iruka's unspoken confession.
"I forgot to arrange for someone to replace your flower," he said apologetically.
"So it was you," Iruka said softly.
Kakashi nodded, and there was a softness in his look that made Iruka blush once more; but this time, he refused to look away from it.
"You had worried me, that evening," he said. "I don't think you realized how bad you looked. You had bruises, and there was still some blood on your uniform, and there were a lot of tears in your uniform. You... you were barely able to stay on your seat.
"The doctors were shocked when I brought you in; they were furious you hadn't show up as soon as you had entered the village. Apparently, Genma had gate duty that day and sent word to the hospital that you'd be there shortly.
"I've... I've cared for you a while, Iruka. This isn't easy for me, you know, but I just thought I'd tell you. And, I knew you weren't going to receive any visitors after the first day or so. I didn't want to leave you, but the Hokage insisted that I had to. So, I made sure there would be something there to greet you when you woke."
It amused Iruka how embarrassed Kakashi looked. He reached out and grabbed his hand.
"Thank you," Iruka said. Kakashi's hand tightened on his.
end.