Once upon time in a far away land there lived a beautiful princess, but the princess had a terrible curse, so the Princess was locked in a tower guarded by a ferocious beast, then one day a handsome prince came along and rescued the lovely Princess, they married and lived happily ever after...
Sasuke snorted while he read this.
"Like that's ever going to happen!"
His voice could be heard outside of the outside toilet.
"What a load of--" the toilet flushing drowned out the rest of his voice.
Sasuke stretched his arms as he headed for his morning shower.
Sasuke's black tail wagged back and forth in pleasure as warm water soaked his skin, he scrubbed his hair getting rid of anything dirt he developed living in the swamp.
After his morning shower, Sasuke jumped into the lake catching his breakfast fish.
He smiled slightly as he caught a fish in between his mouth, his life felt so perfect.
He wandered into his cave past the signs he made himself, Keep Out!, or, Beware the Wolf Demon!
One night as Sasuke sat down to eat his dinner, he heard rustling outside his house. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.
A group of villagers watched and leered at Sasuke's house, they had completely ignored the signs and warnings to come to capture Sasuke the Sharigan wolf Demon.
"The wolf demon is inside..." one of them said.
"Great let's get it!" one of them yelled eagerly rushing forward to Sasuke's house, until one of them stopped him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa you know what that thing will do to you!" one of the villagers tried to reason with him.
"Yeah...he'll grind your bones to make his bread!" one of the villagers joked.
All of the laughed but their eyes widened as they heard another laugh from behind them, they spun around and stared in horror at the wolf demon they had been stalking.
Sasuke chuckled showing off his white sharp teeth, his red eyes glowing brightly in the darkness.
"Well actually that's giants...now demons they're much worse they'd...make suits of your skin they'd shave your livers!"
"No!" one villagers gasped in horror.
"Eat the jelly from your eyes! Actually that tastes good on toast..." Sasuke said thoughtfully.
One of the villagers waved his torches in front of Sasuke's face.
"Back beast! Back! I warn ya!!" he yelled.
Sasuke raised an elegant eyebrow, he took a deep breath and roasted the torch turning it into a splinter, and the villager stared at the black splinter he tossed it aside and grinned sheepishly.
Sasuke breathed in deeply once more and let out a fearsome roar, while the villagers hugged each other screaming. Sasuke smirked and stopped roaring while the villagers kept screaming when they finally stopped he leaned in close.
"This is the part when you run away...” he said in a hushed voice.
"RUNAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried the villagers running away for their very lives.
"Hn, cowards," Sasuke muttered until he noticed a poster on the ground.
"Reward for mystical creatures...tch." Sasuke muttered throwing it on the ground.
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A line of mystical creatures being shackled together then put into cages and shoved into carriages. One annoyed guard lead a line of seven dwarfs with bushy eyebrows and buggy eyes inside a carriage, they were all shackled together and they sang.
'Oh woe are we...this monstrosity...takes our youthful spree...'
Some people were lining up to hand in mystical creatures they've found, but one particular boy was not too happy about this.
"Mom, please don't hand Akamaru in! Please!" begged Kiba.
His mother, Tsume, looked down on her son, a small white dog in her arm.
A man with a painted face placed a wooden red haired puppet named Sasori onto the desk.
“I have a living wooden puppet!” the man named Kankuro exclaimed.
“I’m not a puppet I’m a real boy!” exclaimed Sasori suddenly his nose grew longer.
“That’s five shillings for the possessed toy,” said the head guard giving Kankuro his money.
“Don’t let him do this! Help me!” pleaded Sasori as the guards took him away.
"Kiba I'm sorry...but we can't afford him! Besides he's so bloody annoying!! He talks so much!!!" Tsume said angrily.
Akamaru looked up at Tsume.
"Give me another chance!! Please! Please! I promise not to talk so much! Oh please give me another chance!!" Tsume begged her.
"Oh shut up!" Tsume snapped.
"Next!" said the guard writing down some business, Tsume stepped up to the desk, with Kiba trailing behind her.
"What have you got?" the guard asked in a bored tone.
Tsume cleared her throat.
"Well I've got a talking dog!" she exclaimed.
"That's worth ten shillings...if you can prove it..."
Tsume chuckled nervously and set Akamaru on the guard's desk.
"Go ahead little guy..." Tsume said in a sugarcoated tone.
Akamaru stared up at Tsume and waggled his head in confusion, the guard gave a unbelieving look to Tsume, she chuckled nervously again, Kiba smiled realizing Akamaru's trick.
"I don't understand it he's usually quite a chatterbox!" Tsume said.
She grabbed Akamaru's chin and moved his mouth, and spoke at the side of her mouth.
"I can talk! I love to talk! I'm the talkiest damn thing you ever saw!"
The guard glared at her.
"Get her out of my sight!" he ordered the guards.
Some guards got behind Tsume grabbed her arms and pinned them behind her back, she then began kicking and screaming.
"It's true I swear he can talk! He can talk!"
Tsume accidentally kicked a cage with a pixie inside, it went flying and it knocked the side of Akamaru's head. Akamaru suddenly glowed, sparkled gold, and began it hover above the ground.
"Hey...I can fly!" yelled Akamaru.
"He can fly!" yelled one boy, named Peter Pan.
"He can fly!" cheered three pigs with red swirls on their cheeks.
"He can talk!" exclaimed the guard getting up from behind his desk.
"That's right you! I'm a flying talking dog! Haha!" barked Akamaru.
Akamaru waggled his legs forward towards Kiba, then the golden glow around him began to dim.
"Uh...oh..." muttered Akamaru as he flopped down to the ground, the guards began moving towards him.
"Akamaru! Here!" called Kiba patting his knees for Akamaru to come over towards him, Akamaru ran to Kiba and jumped inside his jacket.
"Get him!" yelled the guard running towards Kiba, Tsume fell to the ground as the guards dropped her and chased Kiba.
Kiba rushed inside the forest the guards not far behind, Kiba panted then let out a soft "Oof!" as he bumped into a hard chest.
Kiba looked up and saw a wolf demon staring back at him a scowl graced his features, Kiba started to back away slightly then the guards caught up with him.
"You there, Demon!" cried the head guard.
"Yes?" Sasuke asked turning his attention to the head guard.
The head guard cleared his throat.
"Um...on the degree of Lord Mizuki...all mystical creature must remove themselves from the kingdom immediately...or...be...forced...off...the property..." explained the head guard reading from a scroll, but losing his courage as Sasuke neared him.
Sasuke smirked "Oh really? You and what army?"
The head guard turned behind him, stared in horror realizing that his army had ditched their weapons, and ran away. He gave a cheesy smile to Sasuke and ran for his dear life.
Kiba smiled and looked down at Akamaru who did the same thing.
"That's really something!" complimented Kiba.
"Really something!" Akamaru continued.
"Are you talking to--" Sasuke started turning to Kiba but saw no one there.
"...me?" Sasuke continued.
"Yes we were talking to you!" Akamaru barked making Sasuke jump.
"That's was amazing! So cool!" cheered Kiba following Sasuke.
“Yeah! Those guards thought they were all that and then they show up then BAM!! They were tripping over themselves like Babes in the Woods!!” barked Akamaru.
“Oh that’s great…” said Sasuke.
“It’s good to get away!” smiled Kiba.
“Well why don’t you go with your own friends now?” asked Sasuke annoyed.
“Well…err…we don’t have any friends…” answered Kiba looking down.
“I know! We’ll stick with you! With us together no one will dare cross our path,” cried Akamaru.
Sasuke glared at them both and breathed in deeply then roared fiercely, Kiba just stood there and blinked.
“Wow that was really something…”
“And if that doesn’t work then your breath will get the job done! ‘Cause you stink! ” barked Akamaru.
“Why are you following me?” asked Sasuke confused.
“We’ll tell you why!” exclaimed Kiba.
Akamaru jumped out of Kiba’s jacket and stood in front of Sasuke.
“Cause we’re all alone there’s no one beside us…our problems have all gone there’s no one to derive us…but you gotta have friends--” they sang.
“Stop singing!” yelled Sasuke frustrated, he picked up Akamaru and put him aside.
“No wonder you don’t have any friends!”
“Wow…only a true friend would be that honest!” yapped Akamaru.
Having enough Sasuke stopped and swiftly turned to them.
“Look you two, take a look at me! What do you think I am?!”
Kiba and Akamaru looked him up and down, the only difference between him and a regular human is that he had wolf ears and a tail.
“Um…” Kiba struggled.
“Really tall?” Akamaru guessed.
“NO! I’m a wolf demon! You know…the legendry Sharigan wolf demon grab your torch and pitch forks! Doesn’t that bother you!” asked Sasuke.
“Nope!” Kiba and Akamaru said together.
“Really?” asked Sasuke taken back.
“Really, really!” barked Akamaru.
“Oh…”
“I like you! What’s your name?” asked Kiba smiling.
“Um…Sasuke…” Sasuke answered not quite believing what he just heard.
“You know what I like about you Sasuke! You don’t care about what anyone thinks of you!” Akamaru chirped.
They finally reached an old cave with moss decorating the outside of the walls, flowers with the colours, pink, purple, blue peeking out of the mud at the sides.
“Eww, look at that!” Kiba groaned at the sight of the place.
“Who want to live in a place like that!” Akamaru said in disgust.
“That would be my home…” Sasuke said in a monotone voice.
Kiba and Akamaru gasped in shock and quickly gabbled “Oh its lovely! Beautiful!” While Sasuke groaned in annoyance.
Kiba noticed a ‘Do not enter’ sign.
“Umm…guess you don’t have many people around…” Kiba stated.
“I like my privacy,” Sasuke said simply.
“I know what you mean I hate it when people are in your face, you give them hints and they don’t leave then there’s that awkward silence…” barked Akamaru.
Sasuke stared at the dog, then there was an awkward silence.
Kiba broke the silence.
“Can we stay with you?”
“What?”
“Can we stay with you please?” Akamaru repeated.
“Of course!” Sasuke smiled.
“Really?” asked Kiba.
“No,”
“Oh please! You got to let us stay! You don’t know what it’s like being labeled a freak!” barked Akamaru backing Sasuke up to the cave wall.
“Well…maybe…you do…”
“But that’s why we have to stick together!” Kiba finished.
“Please! Please! Please!”
“Alright! Alright!” yelled Sasuke giving up.
“Yes!” yelled Kiba running into the cave despite the sounds of protests from Sasuke.
“Um…where do we sleep?” asked Kiba while Akamaru was barking around the cave.
“Outside!” yelled Sasuke frustrated.
“Oh…that’s okay I guess…since we’ve just met and all…” Kiba said walking out the cave along with Akamaru.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and entered his cave he didn’t want to be disturbed.
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Lord Mizuki strolled down the halls to his torture chamber, a wicked smirk placed on his face as he snapped his gloves on his hand, as he walked inside the torture chamber the sounds of distinctive coughing and spluttering were heard.
“That’s enough!” Mizuki said to the torturer.
“He’s ready to talk,” he smirked.
The torturer immediately stopped dunking the gingerbread Konohamaru in a glass of milk, Konohamaru coughed and spluttered as he was placed on the tray.
Mizuki cackled as he neared the table, but realized the table was too high and gave an abrupt cough then the table lowered down to his height.
Mizuki grabbed the two broken gingerbread legs (which were Kohonamaru’s) and made them dance around Kohonamaru.
“Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man!” Mizuki mocked.
“You’re a monster! An ugly monster!” exclaimed Kohonamaru.
“I’m not a monster you are!” yelled Mizuki tossing one of the gingerbread legs down to Kohonamaru.
“You and the rest of that fairytale trash destroying my perfect world!” Mizuki said crushing the other gingerbread leg in his hand.
He swiftly turned to Kohonamaru and lowered the lamp in Kohonamaru’s face.
“Now tell me where the others are!”
“Eat me!” Kohonamaru spat white icing that landed in Mizuki’s eye. Mizuki growled as he wiped the icing away.
“I’d tried to be fair now my patience has reached it’s end! Tell me or I’ll…” Mizuki growled ready to pull off his cape.
“No not the cape! Not my chocolate cape!” exclaimed Kohonamaru.
“Then tell me! Who’d hidden them?!”
“Okay…I’ll tell you…do you know the muffin man?”
“The muffin man?”
“The muffin man…”
“Yes I know the muffin man who lives on Leaf Lane?”
“Well…she’s married to the muffin man…”
“The muffin man?!”
“The muffin man!”
“She’s married to the muffin man…” Mizuki said in wonder.
Suddenly the door swung opened and the head guard ran in.
“My lord! We’ve found it!”
“Well what are you waiting for? Bring it in!” commanded Mizuki.
Some guards dragged in a large gold framed mirror, engraved at the top says:
‘Magic Mirror Neji’
Suddenly the face of a young boy, with long hair and pale coloured eyes, appeared inside the mirror, the guards awed and so did Kohonamaru.
“Magic Mirror…” Mizuki started reaching out to touch the glass.
“Don’t tell them anything!” yelled Kohonamaru, Mizuki grabbed the gingerbread boy and tossed him into a nearby bin, who yelled “Noooo” he groan from inside the bin.
Mizuki cleared his throat.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, is this not the most greatest kingdom of all?”
“Well…technically you’re not a king…”
Mizuki gave a displeasured look.
“Um, Ebiki?”
A big guy with scary face with scars on his face lifted up a mirror and smashed it.
“You were saying…?” Mizuki smirked.
Neji suddenly looked nervous.
“What I mean is…your not a king yet! But you can become one all you have to do is marry a princess.!”
“Go on…”
Neji chuckled nervously.
“So…sit back and relax my lord…’cause it’s time you to choose from today eligible bachelorettes and here they are!”
A picture of a brown haired girl with buns appeared on the mirror.
“Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut off from a kingdom far, far away, she likes cleaning and pointy things please welcome…Tenterella!”
A few guards clapped for the princess.
Then a picture of a blonde girl with pale skin and blue eyes with no pupils, appeared in the mirror.
“Bachelorette number two, is a blonde girl from the land of fantasy! Although she lives with seven other bushy eyebrow boys, she ain’t easy! Just kiss her dead frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is! Give it up for…Ino White!”
A few more guards clapped.
Then a picture of a yellow haired boy with whiskers marks on his cheeks and beautiful blue eyes, wearing an orange dress appeared in the mirror but Lord Mizuki didn’t realize he was a boy because of his beauty.
“And last but definitely not least, bachelorette number three, is a beautiful blonde from a dragon guarded castle surrounded by boiling lava, but don’t let that cool you off! She’s a loaded pistol who likes foxes, ramen and the colour orange! Yours for the rescuing, Princess Naruto!”
Almost all of the guards clapped for Naruto.
“So which one will it be? Number one, number two or number three?”
The guards began shoving each other and shouting every number, Mizuki had a hard time deciding which one to choose until Ebiki said loudly “Pick number three my Lord!”
“Okay! Number three!” yelled Lord Mizuki.
“Lord Mizuki you’ve picked Princess Naruto…”
The guards cheered that their Lord has picked someone to marry.
“Princess Naruto…she’s perfect all I need to do now is go to find someone who can--”
“I probably should mention something that happens at night…” interrupted Neji.
“Yes I’ll do it!”
“But after sunset…”
“Silence! I will make Princess Naruto my queen, and then Duloc will finally have a perfect king! Captain assemble your finest men, we’re going to have tournament!” declared Mizuki.
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Meanwhile Sasuke sat down to eat his supper, and then he heard some creaking he thought that Kiba and Akamaru had sneaked in.
“I thought I’d told you two to stay outside,” Sasuke sighed putting his fork down.
“We are outside!” exclaimed Kiba and Akamaru.
Sasuke’s eye narrowed he scanned the room, searching for signs of life, until he heard a faint voice from the table talking.
“Well, guys, it’s not a farm but what choice do we have?”
Sasuke looked down at the table, and saw three cockroaches with black glasses that seemed to be blind scuttling around the table, Sasuke winced in disgust at the talking blind cockroaches who were all named Shino.
“It’s not home but it’ll do just fine!” exclaimed the second cockroach.
Sasuke slammed his fist on the table.
“Got you!”
However, the third cockroach had managed to crawl on Sasuke’s shoulder and sniffed around his ear.
“Hey! I found some cheese!” it cried, and bit Sasuke ear.
“Ow!” grunted Sasuke.
“Blegg! Awful stuff!” cried the third Shino as he was flicked off Sasuke’s shoulder.
“What are you doing in my house!” growled Sasuke, as he rounded up the three cockroaches, but before he could toast them with his fire powers, seven snickering dwarfs with bushy eyebrows and green jumpsuits had put a glass coffin with a blonde girl inside on the table.
Sasuke dropped the cockroaches and turned his attention to the dwarfs.
“Oh no dead body off the table!” Sasuke growled pushing the glass coffin towards the dwarfs off the table.
“Well where are we supposed to put her?” asked the first dwarf pushing the coffin back onto the table.
“The bed taken!” cried the seventh dwarf.
“Huh?” asked Sasuke raising an eyebrow in confusion, he rushed towards his bedroom and saw a wolf demon wearing a granny’s suit with black ears and tail was lying on his bed.
“What?” asked the wolf demon, who was named Sai, in a monotone voice.
“I’m a terrifying demon, I put up signs, I live in cave! What do I have to do to get a little privacy!” snarled Sasuke as he threw them all out.
He gasped in horror as he seen hundred of mystical creatures camping outside his cave, pixies, elves, witches, princesses, and goblin the whole load of them were trying to get inside his home.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY PROPETY!!” Sasuke roared loudly making the crowd of mystical creatures go deadly silence and back away in fear as his voice echoed.
He began backing the crowd out of his land.
“Alright move it! Get out! Move, move, move!”
Suddenly some sneaky creatures got behind Sasuke and rushed inside the cave.
“No, no, no, no, no! Not there!” yelled Sasuke but knew it was too late, he glared at Kiba and Akamaru.
“Hey, don’t look at us! We didn’t invite them!” cried Kiba cuddling Akamaru to his chest.
“No one invited us…,” said the wooden puppet Sasori, Sasuke looked at him.
“We were forced to come here!”
“By who?” Sasuke growled dangerously.
“Lord Mizuki!” said one of the three pigs that were all named Choji.
“Yeah!” said the second Choji.
“He huffed and he puffed and…signed a eviction notice…” said the third Choji.
Sasuke sighed hearing the reason.
“Alright, who knows where this Mizuki guy is?” asked Sasuke.
The crowd murmured but they were too scared to speak out except Akamaru.
“Oh I know where he is!” barked Akamaru.
“Does anyone else know where he is?” asked Sasuke turning away from Akamaru.
“Oh, oh pick me!” Akamaru barked.
Sasuke sighed realizing that the annoying dog was the only one who was going to speak out.
“Okay fine…attention all fairytale…things…don’t get comfortable your welcome is officially worn out in fact! I’m going to see this Mizuki guy and send you back where you came from!”
They all cheered for their new ‘hero’ some birds fluttered above his head and put a reef of flowers on his head, he smacked them away from him and he turned to Akamaru and Kiba.
“And you two, are coming with me,” he said sternly.
“All right!” barked Akamaru leading Sasuke to the direction to Lord Mizuki.
“Kiba, Akamaru and Sasuke off on a whirlwind adventure!” cried Kiba following them both.
“On the road again...”sang Akamaru
“Sing with us Sasuke!” cried Kiba.
“What did I say about singing?” Sasuke asked sternly.
“Can we whistle?” asked Akamaru.
“Can we…hum?” asked Kiba.
“Okay hum…” sighed Sasuke shaking his head at the two annoying, now singing, idiots who would lead to Lord Mizuki.
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Chapter notes: Disclaimer: I do not own Shrek or Naruto
This is the longest chapter I've ever written! Mizuki is the silvered haired guy from the first episode, remember this is a YAOI story don't like don't read!
NO FLAMES!!!
Chapter end notes: You'll find out why Naruto is a Princess not a prince in later chapters.