The time had come. Tsunade didn’t take it any more flippantly than her fist fell into the cliffs over and over in anger…her failure…her remorse over not bringing him back when she should have been able to. She was the Hokage, for God’s sakes. The strongest ninja in the Leaf village, and still, she found herself tied, shackled to the ground of indecision as she decided the Uchiha’s fate.
It was time.
He’d been missing for too long, and she had no doubt that he’d already fully defected to Otogakure, having no thoughts towards his village at all. Naruto had long since blocked the Uchiha from his mind, choosing his blind, quiet suffering over extended chances to retrieve his friend. Tsunade hated Sasuke for what Naruto had become, a mere shell of the bright, beautiful man that he had the potential to be. He blamed himself.
Everyone blamed themselves.
But there was one who blamed himself most of all, and Tsunade found it fascinating that he was the one out of all who showed his emotions less than even Naruto, his mask hiding the true misery in his expression when Sasuke’s name was mentioned. Here, at her desk, Tsunade looked at him with compassionate doe eyes, and she couldn’t tell his expression differed from the other chosen ANBU members, but his aura had darkened.
When all had left, she called his name out, and the one visible eye turned to her, and Tsunade could have sworn she saw the sheen of a tear that was quickly blinked away. She had always admired his beauty.
Even as lazy as he was, late and annoying, he still held a powerful elegance about him that reminded Tsunade of a prowling cat or wolf. She remembered his father with nothing but fondness, and even though he was a spitting image of the White Fang of Konoha, he was his own person.
“Kakashi.”
He stood, expectant. Waiting for her words.
“I chose you for a reason. I hope that in the end, you can settle something with him. Usually, I would tell you to carry out your mission without personal involvement,” she sighed and fiddled with a dice on her desk…One she’d rolled many thousands of times. Every side it fell on, she lost. “But this is different, Kakashi.” Her eyes rose to his one visible dark, gentle eye, and her gaze hardened. “Save him. Before you kill him.”
~*~*~
It proved difficult. She’d sent a non descript group of ANBU with Kakashi, probably because he wouldn’t have been able to stand the stress of watching friends die. She knew that those ninja wouldn’t make it back… just smooth the way for Kakashi to find the small living quarters of the missing nin known as Uchiha Sasuke. Kakashi found him as he moved through the streets, buying things to eat as if it were the most natural thing to be walking about in the Sound uniform and bearing the Sound hitae-ate.
Kakashi’s voice was thick in his throat. His heart was slamming against his armor in hard thuds that made him short of breath. Sasuke was beautiful. The boy that had been an avenger had now been transformed into the perfect weapon, sleek, sexual, and beautiful as he walked through the milling people of the Sound Village.
The old people in the village seemed to like Sasuke as he bought his things, and he even bothered to talk to a few of them, flashing a half smile here and there at subjects they would breech with him. Kakashi’s head tilted.
Was it possible he was happy here? A group of girls surrounded him, and Kakashi watched in amazement as Sasuke gave an apple to the smallest one, making them all giggle and run off in the same direction, comments of how handsome he was floating on the air.
He’d grown. He was tall and powerfully built, and he couldn’t help but stare at the likeness between Sasuke and Itachi. For one, his dark hair had lengthened in the front, nearly dragging his shoulders even though the back still reminded Kakashi of a chicken’s feathers.
His body was still pale in the light of the day, but Kakashi noted he was more muscular and heavy, a far cry from the boy he’d known in Konoha. He followed him, quietly, carefully to his home, and he paused in the tree, watching Sasuke as he eased open the gate to a beautiful, small mansion and closed it behind him.
The compound didn’t seem to have much around it in the way of security, and he figured this was simply because of the fact that Sasuke could more than take care of himself in any event. Kakashi rested in the tree, his thoughts roaming over the past few year without him. The guilt had eaten him alive, and now, here he was, about to alleviate any emotions he had regarding the Uchiha heir.
He wanted to hate Sasuke. He wanted believe that all the time he spent trying to forget about the boy was worthwhile, but when he considered it, it all came to one point in his mind. It had been his fault that Sasuke had left. He couldn’t prevent it, and so, Kakashi failed, yet again to those he loved. He wanted to apologize over and over to Naruto, but it would never make a difference.
The light had been long gone from those crystalline blue eyes.
Kakashi tried to shut out the only rules that he’d let the boy break. He tried to shut out his foolishness in letting him just that much closer to his heart than he was supposed to. No penetration. No fucking. No sucking. That had been the rule, and Kakashi had let Sasuke break those rules. He’d let him inside. Kakashi craved Sasuke for years after that. Craved his breath on his neck, and he craved the soft whimpers and moans that came from his responsive body.
Kakashi still wanted him.
The darkness fell, and Kakashi made his move. Sasuke had fallen asleep on his futon in the open room to the left of the house, and Kakashi was sure that he was having deep dreams by now. His feet were light and silent on the boards of the landing, and when he entered the house, there was no sound of telling of his visitation except for the movement of air around him as he moved in and out of the shadows of the home. When he entered the room, his breath caught in his chest, and he looked down on the sleeping form.
Muscles, lean and iron wrought, wrapped around a pale body, devoid of any scars, save for one over his right shoulder in the swirl of a Rasengan jutsu attack. The dark sheets that were wrapped around his long body contrasted sharply against the pale skin, and Kakashi admired how they gathered around slender hips and showed just enough skin to be arousing.
He thought of waking him. Of telling him that he was sorry and how angry he was that he’d chosen Orochimaru over him. After all, that’s really what it was a bout in Kakashi’s heart. While he was a loyal ninja of Konoha, his revenge had nothing to do with the village or with Naruto. Kakashi was jealous. Furious that Sasuke had chosen that snake bastard over him.
Kakashi sighed and pulled a kunai from his bag, and he looked down at Sasuke one more time before completely shutting his emotions off. The gaze in his eye hardened, and very slowly, he rose the kunai and flicked it. The kunai embedded itself in Sasuke’s temple, and then the body disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Kakashi’s eye widened, and he felt his stomach drop down to his feet as he realized his folly. Sasuke wasn’t a child anymore, and it was likely he was able to feel Kakashi long before he discovered him in the mansion. Kakashi whirled to defend himself, only to find his body shoved against the wall, a kunai at his throat by a pale hand.
When he looked up, there were those eyes staring at him as if they’d seen an empty hell, devoid of love, gentleness, and compassion, and Kakashi was suddenly angry. “You knew…” It was a mere whisper…a growl from Kakashi’s lips, but Sasuke smirked in return.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t get better, Kakashi-sensei?”
Kakashi growled at him again. “Don’t call me that.”
Sasuke pressed the kunai tighter against the man’s throat, barely cutting through the black material and scratching the pale skin beneath. The tiny droplet of blood caught on the blade and ran along it, making the Uchiha smirk. “Call you what? Sensei?”
Kakashi was suddenly moving in a blur, but Sasuke caught the movement just as quickly, kunai clashing against each other as the Uchiha was thrown back from his position, Kakashi’s angry gaze meeting his. Sasuke could tell that the precious amount of control that the Jounin exerted over his emotions was snapping the longer he looked at his former student, and the knowledge was oddly thrilling.
Hatake Kakashi, The Copy Ninja of Konoha had a weakness. And that weakness was in the form of a missing nin.
Uchiha Sasuke.
Sasuke smirked at Kakashi again, his eyes going cold and empty as they clashed once more. Kakashi wasn’t trying to kill him yet. If he had wanted to kill Sasuke, things would have gotten serious right away. The dark haired boy played the game a bit long with the Konoha ninja before slamming Kakashi neatly up against the wall again, his breath coming in soft pants against the masked face.
“Why are you here?”
“I have things to say.”
Sasuke considered the statement, and then, he snarled at Kakashi. “You said everything you needed to say before I left.”
“Naruto is in love with you.”
Time stopped. The ebony eyes widened impossibly, and the kunai that Sasuke had held so tightly against the long corded throat fell to the floor in a clatter, and he stared at Kakashi as if though the man had lost his mind completely. His hand shook, and he shrieked in anger, his hands circling around Kakashi’s neck as he lunged forward to choke the life from the older Jounin.
“No! Dobe is just a pawn. Something that helped me realize my true power.”
Kakashi didn’t struggle against the choking hold, and he didn’t seem to register fear as he felt the air ebbing out of his body and his vision go blurry. He was sure Sasuke would stop himself before he choked Kakashi to death. Kakashi’s hands rose, and instead of sending burning chakra into the boy’s body, his finger gently wrapped around his wrists and held on, feeling the play of the muscles that were aiming to take his life from him.
“F-Forgive me, Sasuke…” The whisper was strained and choked beneath the instant fury that Naruto’s name invoked. “I didn’t stop you…”
Sasuke’s scowl and bared teeth lightened, and for the first time, he noticed the hands that hand gently circled his wrists, and he abruptly released Kakashi, stepping back, his eyes still filled with fury. “I don’t give a shit what you want forgiveness for,” he snapped. “Get out!”
Kakashi shook his head, his hands rubbing his throat before straightening his back. “I’m not leaving until you’re dead.” Sasuke had assumed as much. There was no reason for him to come to him unless it was an order from above.
“Then let’s get this over with.” Kakashi watched as Sasuke’s body loosened, and he took a fighting stance that made the Jounin’s heart clench in his chest. The taijutsu stance was one that Kakashi had patented especially for the Uchiha’s lithe, flexible body. Maybe Orochimaru hadn’t taken everything from him.
The fight began, a dance pure and beautiful. Kakashi didn’t notice if Sasuke was even using his Sharingan. There was no intent to kill in his movements. It was a foolish dance that both of them performed for each other, a lie to each other. They didn’t want to die. And they didn’t want to kill. Kakashi’s lightening quick movements made the air move around Sasuke in the room, and quickly, he caught the pattern and answered it.
“You-“ A hard punch to Kakashi’s chest.
“Can’t-“ A hard kick to the Jounin’s hip.
“Win.” A punch that was blocked.
Kakashi’s hands would brush over Sasuke’s actions, feeling a fist just barely miss his cheek, whirling, brushing his fingers along an exposed wrist. The dance was so close that he could feel Sasuke’s open kimono brush his hands and over his armor plated chest. His breathing would catch in his chest when he’d catch the scent of Sasuke’s hair, still the same, musky sandalwood that he’d remembered from before.
Distraction proved his undoing.
Kakashi’s eyes widened when he found himself back first on the futon, a smirking Sasuke holding him down, once again with a kunai at his throat. He was mesmerized by those deep ebony eyes. They were still empty, but a fire burned in the depths that he’d remembered from him as a child. “Sasuke…”
The voice seemed to tap into something in Sasuke’s consciousness, and the kunai fell from his grasp again. For the split moment that was connecting them, an understanding passed between the two of them. Now, they were no longer student and teacher. No longer friends and comrades. No longer lovers. They were enemies, and the knowledge made Kakashi’s heart twist violently in his chest.
All the time spent in Konoha without him, Kakashi realized that he never considered the Uchiha his enemy.
“Sasuke…” The voice uttered his name again, in that seductive growl that was mixed with pain and guilt. Sasuke had missed that voice so much. Orochimaru’s voice had always been velvety and high pitched, and it had frequently grated on Sasuke’s nerves. This voice was different. It brushed over his frayed, tired senses like a healing balm, and he sighed quietly.
Somehow, in the mix of movements between the two, Kakashi’s hand had found its way into the soft, raven hair of the ninja astride him, and he was pulling that face down to his, pressing covered lips to soft lips. It was an erotic movement, completely out of place in the middle of their battle, and yet it fit into the puzzle of their relationship as perfectly as fate would have meant it to be.
The moisture between their mouths made the black cloth hot, and Kakashi was nipping at Sasuke’s lips through it, making the younger man groan softly before pulling back abruptly, staring down at the pale headed ninja with wide, shocked eyes. “W-What… You idiot!” He sent a fist into Kakashi’s cheek that the older man didn’t bother to block, letting the younger one have the upper hand in their situation.
The fist came down again, and Kakashi let it come. Allowing the boy the one thing that Orochimaru wouldn’t have afforded him. With each blow, Kakashi felt blood spill through the mask from his split lip and cheek, but at the same time, he watched the fury leave Sasuke’s eyes and seep out of him until the boy was panting hard on top of him, his long, lithe body tired and frustrated.
“You…you shouldn’t have come here.” Sasuke’s eyes averted and he looked away from the Jounin, hands tentatively pressing down into Kakashi’s armored chest. The silver haired man was reaching up to pull at the purple rope around Sasuke’s waist, causing the kimono to fall open more, and then it completely fell open as the rope was tossed to the side.
“But I did.” Kakashi answered. “I came here to kill you.”
Sasuke’s dark eyes flickered back down to Kakashi, and his lithe hands, unbidden, pulled the snaps on Kakashi’s shoulders, allowing him to lift the plate of armor off of the Jounin’s chest, revealing the tight black shirt that had always made him think of Kakashi as a giant cat, lithe and graceful. Then, his hands were pulling at the black shirt, pulling it off of Kakashi’s body with a bit of assistance from the Jounin.
“Tell me you want me.” Sasuke whispered.
“I want you.”
“Tell me you missed me.”
“I missed you.”
Sasuke’s breaking point was the final whisper, clouded by thick emotion that he remembered. The mask had come off with the shirt, and Kakashi’s bloodied face came into view, and before he could stop Sasuke, the boy was leaning to lick away the blood from his split lip and cheek. Their lips fused in a brutal kiss, teeth biting at each other, tongues warring for dominance.
“I want you,” Sasuke breathed.
“Yes,” Kakashi answered.
“I’m taking you.” Sasuke warned.
Kakashi didn’t answer. He only arched his hips as Sasuke moved to pull away the rest of his clothes, armor falling away and clattering on the floor as Sasuke threw it from them, followed by pants and weapons and shoes. Kakashi was beautiful as Sasuke remembered. His fingers brushed over the scars, and Kakashi’s fingers brushed over the nearly flawless skin of his student.
Of his enemy.
“Sasuke…”
“Shut up.”
Sasuke was slow to shed his clothes and retrieve a tiny bottle. It seemed like an eternity, but Kakashi couldn’t stand the wait. He was reaching for his former lover before Sasuke had even lowered himself, and their lips were meshing together. Kakashi felt emotion swirl through him, a painful regret. A love. A compassion. A rage. A hatred. All mixed together inside of him, making his chest hurt so bad that it left him breathless.
Sasuke’s fingers were stroking over his cock, redefining the parameters of their relationship. Kakashi’s deep voice was letting loose moans and whispers that Sasuke remembered so well, it was burned into his mind like it happened yesterday. Like the chidori wasn’t as powerful on his fingertips as it was now. The slick hand that encompassed Kakashi’s arousal encompassed everything about him. His pain, despair, and guilt.
It all came to the surface as Kakashi cried out for Sasuke, reaching for him. Grabbing him and pulling him against his chest for another punishing kiss. He wouldn’t take the young man tonight. No, his payment for Sasuke’s death would be to give up the only semblance of control he’d ever held over the boy, and that control was wiped away the moment Sasuke’s finger breeched the tight ring of muscle.
It rubbed against the inside of his velvet body, searching and stretching, bringing pleasure and then withdrawing to start the process over and over again. He found himself clinging to Sasuke, his eyes falling closed, hand gripping to the dark hair as his back arched into the perfection of the movements.
Kakashi’s body tensed, and then a low groan, tight and filled with pain and pleasure, filled the still air of the room as Sasuke filled him with one, then two digits. This wasn’t their slow lovemaking that they’d indulged in so many times before during Sasuke’s training, and it wasn’t the heartfelt wild sex against a rock or in the river.
This was painful. Angry. Hurt. Filled with rage. Kakashi arched into those fingers, and Sasuke leaned forward, catching his lips and adding a third finger. “I dreamed of you so many times,” he whispered. “I dreamed you came with me. Protected me. Slept in my bed every night so that snake bastard wouldn’t come near me.”
Kakashi gasped as fingers, much longer than he’d remembered them, brushed over a spot in his body, making him let loose a low growl of pleasure. He didn’t want to think about it. The idea of Orochimaru touching Sasuke, teaching Sasuke, feeding Sasuke, fucking him…It enraged him, His hands tangled in the black hair, and a growl so vicious that it made the younger man shudder erupted from his lips.
“Fuck me.”
Sasuke didn’t waste any time. He didn’t bother preparing himself or slicking himself with the oil he’d used on Kakashi. Instead, he spread those long, lithe thighs, and he sank into the tight, hot body of his former teacher, and a cry wrenched itself from his throat. Kakashi didn’t utter a sound, but the low breath and heavy exhale told Sasuke that he’d hurt the man. Good. He wanted him to hurt.
Then, Kakashi began to speak. For the quick encounter that evening, he’d said really nothing beyond short phrases and declarations, making Sasuke wonder what his true words were going to be. Sliding deep inside of Kakashi’s body, Sasuke leaned over him, lips suckling and teeth nibbling across the perfect body that he’d worshipped before.
“Sasuke… Sasuke…” The name fell from Kakashi’s lips as his hips rolled up to meet the Uchiha… over and over again. “I’ve missed you. Missed you…” The voice caught, and Sasuke stared down in shock as those lips pursed, and from under the protection over the Sharingan eye, a single, shining tear slipped and followed down to his jaw line, dripping onto the mats beneath them.
“Talk…Say something.” Sasuke whispered. He wasn’t sure that he recognized this Jounin beneath him.
“You left. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t feel. It was just gone. All of it.” Kakashi groaned softly as a lithe hand wrapped around his arousal and began to pump in time with the thrusts, making his back arch sharply in the midst of the pain and ecstasy. Kakashi wouldn’t beg. He wouldn’t ask to come. He didn’t need to.
His orgasm washed over him, and he cried out Sasuke’s name in a low timbre, making the man above him spill his own seed in a high pitched whine. Kakashi remembered when he’d taken the boy. His first time had been a myriad of complex emotions that ranged from shame to wonderment, but now, when he looked up at the panting features, all he saw was pain.
Sasuke fell over Kakashi’s body as he’d done in the past, and that soft voice that had once had the tint of youth to it, now a deep growl like Kakashi’s, whispered a painful, whispering word that both destroyed and healed Kakashi in one split second of time.
“Aishiteru.”
Sometime in the night, when they had made love over and over again, Sasuke was sleeping quietly against the Jounin’s body, Kakashi’s eyes opened, and he ran his hand up his lover’s back.
It was time.
Sasuke had trusted him enough to fall asleep peacefully at his side, and Kakashi felt himself shut off his emotions once again as he reached for his weapons pack close to the futon. Slowly, he withdrew a kunai, and he looked down at the sleeping face, so docile and boyish and tender compared to what he looked as during the day.
For the first time in his young life, Kakashi allowed himself the one thing that he was forbidden as a Jounin. He released the key on his heart, and the emotions poured into him once again. This time, he wouldn’t shut himself off. Tears began to leak heavily from his eyes, and soft sobs, wracking his body with their fervor, poured from him as he looked down on his lover. “I loved you. I love you. I’ll always love you.”
Flashes met his eyes. Naruto and Sasuke fighting. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura fighting together. Sasuke begging Kakashi for more. Sasuke begging to make love. Sasuke beating Gaara. Sasuke’s determination. His fire. His youth. His beauty. It all crashed down into his being, and Kakashi sobbed for what he was losing.
There was a sickening crunch as the kunai embedded itself in Sasuke’s heart past his sternum, but it was so quick that the young man didn’t even stir from his sleep. Kakashi didn’t pull the knife from the wound. Instead, he whispered a few jutsus and watched as the body dissipated into sand and fell onto the tatami mats, nothing left of the missing nin except a forehead protector to the side.
And Kakashi still cried.
~*~*~*~
Izumo and Kotetsu watched as Naruto met Kakashi at the gates of Konoha. There were no words exchanged between the two, but a hitae-ate was exchanged from Kakashi to the blonde. There was a roar of pain from Naruto as he fell to the ground at Kakashi’s feet, clawed fingers scratching at the dirt as the Jounin gazed down at the blonde, his one visible eye wrought with pain and despair.
“Sasuke… Sasuke!” Naruto’s voice carried through the streets, and the only proof that someone had heard was the rustling of fabric as Tsunade rushed to wrap her arms around her precious Naruto-kun.
And Kakashi…
He still cried.
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Number of reviews: 11 Print: 
Chapter Notes: This fiction is dedicated to none other than yaoi_is_my_antidrug. Her story, A Tenuous Grasp, has managed to grasp my complete attention, and I am so honored that she likes my Kakashi Sasuke ficlet. Her story can be found at: http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091676&chapter=1 Please read it and enjoy it! It’s the whole reason I wrote this story…. Yaoi_is_my_antidrug, this one is for you! | |
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