Ino,
I tried to resolve my confusion with my last letter. Guess it didn’t help.
It’s raining today. That means even less things to do than usual. I’ll be glad if something takes my mind off of things. In the morning, the Hokage summoned me to her office. She says Temari’s coming soon on a diplomatic function. As a courtesy, I’ll be her guide again. Normally, I’d be glad. I really would be. Some courtesy it is this time. With all that’s going on in my mind, I really want to be left alone. As I always say, life’s a drag- no. It’s not just a drag any more. It’s playing mind games with me, messing me up. It’s a devious little imp that’s flipping me upside down.
I’m trying to think straight like I usually do, and figure out a right way to deal with this. But I can’t. My dad defeated me more horribly than ever in shogi today. He asked me if my mind was off somewhere else. I told him no. He just smiled. It’s almost like he knows what’s going on in my head. The ironic thing is, I don’t know what’s going on in my head. Not anymore.
Went and took a walk today. Should’ve done it yesterday, when the weather was fair. A rare occasion when stupidity takes over me. But I’m glad I took that walk. It felt good, all those droplets of water falling onto my face. I went to that hill where I always go when I watch the clouds. I just looked up like I usually would, and stood there for a good half hour.
Somehow, I realize I always liked the rain.
I came back, and took a shower. When I came out, I looked at myself in the mirror. You’re right, Ino… after a minute, I realized I had no idea who this was, looking back at me.
I’m like that bee you found, Ino. I’m lost, but I still have obligations to my hive and its queen. And, if necessary, I must die to protect it. Guess that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Now, I’m sitting here, writing, and smoking. I should quit, I know that. My mom says if she ever saw another lit cigarette in this house, she’d bring down the roof on me. I know it’s not good for me- it doesn’t help with my stamina. But it’s the only thing that gets me calm these days. I should quit, but I can’t. How troublesome is that?
It’s interesting, really. After all the smoking I’ve done, cigarettes still make my eyes water.
One thing’s for certain, though… no matter how much you try to plan for everything, to do things with the minimum of risk, in the end you still have to take a chance.
And I guess I’ve reached the end. I’ll have to take a chance. Is this right? I don’t know. But I’ll find out soon enough. I just hope that I’m making the right decision. I also hope you’re willing to take a chance. Let me know if you are.
Walking into the unknown,
Shikamaru
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Chapter notes: Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
This is a reply to Amongst Clouds by milliexchan, which in turn is a reply to In the Shadows by me. Read those letter one-shot stories if you want to get what's going on.
Sorry if this seems a bit OOC. Reviews, criticisms, opinions, etc. are welcome, as always.
Currently, I'm still considering if I'll let people reply to this in Ino's POV. If you insist, however, just write it and leave a review saying you wrote it. I do request, though, that you 1) don't make Ino seem too superficial, and 2) don't make Ino reject Shikamaru, in your reply.