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Widening Gap by elict

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Disclaimer: No owning. But if anyone could tell me where to buy a Kaoru, please give me a call, ne?

AN: This is more a character study then anything else. I've written it to make it easier for me to understand these three, maybe for future fics, maybe just because I need to. I'm sorry if it confuses you.


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Kaoru

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”So, which one of us do you like better?”

The question surprises her, he can see that, and his smirk widens a little from that knowledge. She’s so easy to read.

She’s different from all of them like that, they who always depends on their facades and faked acts to pretend to keep moving forward, when in fact the only reason that they haven’t stopped completely is that she’s there to let then be honest.

He likes her because she’s so easy to understand, to control. A toy. Their toy.

But then, she turns completely towards him and smiles, and suddenly she’s not easy to understand at all.

“That doesn’t really matter, does it?” she says. “Because neither of you wants me to like you in any other way than I like the other… right?”

It startles him, that she can say such things with that smile on her face. He surprises himself by wanting to hit something, hit her, for breaking the rules like that. With that smile on her face.

She starts to walk away, and he can do nothing but to look, to stare, and for one second he hates her for making him stare, for making him long for something, for something else then his twin and their shared world, where everything is simple, for making him want something more, something more complicated, something from outside.

“But you know…” she offers, as she stops again, and her face is serious now. “If I were to chose, I’d say I like Hikaru a little better.”

He has never, ever wished to be like Hikaru. He was happy about the differences, because it was theirs, their secret, and no one else knew about them. No one else could see them.

So why does it suddenly feel like it would be easier if they were one person? Not two, but one, like they like to believe, to pretend. He wants to be able to be blunt, to not think, like Hikaru. To simply ask her aloud; why?

Alike, yet different, isn’t enough. Because she can see. She can look at them, tell them apart, and separate them, and he hates her for being able to pick out one of them from the other.

A widening gap.

That she might be the only one able to fill.

That smile again, and - didn’t she move further away than that? – she tweaks his nose with her forefinger, blinking at him. “At least Hikaru doesn’t try to set me up with his brother behind my, and his, back.”

She knows?

She knows.

For how long?

Probably all along.

Once again he finds himself looking wide-eyed at her retreating back, lean shoulders and a tiny waist under a blue suit, and he tucks his hands into his pockets, and shrugs; well, as long as Hikaru doesn’t find out.

He’d like to think that that is the only thing that matters. That Hikaru is still the only one that matters. He’d really like to think that.

And soon, his twin returns from his talk with their teacher, and he flings his arm around Kaoru’s shoulder and smiles their cheeky smile, certain that his brother will understand exactly what he’s smiling at. Kaoru thinks that he maybe does. And maybe doesn’t.

Then his brother cocks his head up, and the smile falters.

“Where’s Haruhi?” he asks, tracing the empty corridor with his eyes.

“She went ahead,” Kaoru answers.

“Ah. Let’s go catch up on her then.”

And when he walks beside his twin to meet up with the rest of the Host Club, he can feel it in Hikaru’s steps what is in his eyes.

And he likes to think that he knows that it is the same thing that is in his eyes.

Will she be able to fill the gap that she created?

Will he be able to let her?

He likes to think that what Hikaru sees is the same thing he sees. Only not.

Tono is making a fuss over them being late. He’s yelling about hopeless, devious twins, about the grace of the club and each member’s need to take responsibility, and Hikaru answers, pouting, that Haruhi was late too. Hikaru makes Kaoru brave, blunt enough to dare to sneak his arm around Haruhi’s thin waist, as he agrees that “Yeah, why won’t you yell at her, for a change?”

As Tono goes into a long rant about the need for a father to show his best sides to his daughter to give her the right kind of upbringing, Kaoru shocks himself by knowing, even without looking, really knowing what Haruhi’s face looks like right now, the bored blank stare.

Her eyes are so much different from his, from theirs, her feelings are all new, a completely different person, and yet he knows.

Even though she’s not Hikaru, he knows her.

And he realizes that she is right. He wants her to look at them both the exact same way.

Hikaru steps up on the other side of Haruhi, and he rests his hands on top of her head, to lean his own head on top of them. Kaoru glances at him, seeing his mischievous smile, smiling back, while he wonders, really wonders, which one of us is Hikaru closer to right now?

Then Kyouya interrupts Tono’s speech by reminding them that it is time to open the Club for their customers.

Kaoru lets his arms linger a little longer then necessary around Haruhi, just to be certain that Hikaru is the one who backs away first. Haruhi tilts her head up, looking at him, as the arm finally drops away, and she’s wearing that look again, that lets you know that there, right under the surface, is all the answers that you need, if you only were capable of looking that deep.

But he’s not able to. Not yet. Their world is widening, and the gap is growing larger, but there’s still too much of Hikaru’s eyes in his for him to be able to look as Haruhi and find that.

And for a little, while longer, he can rest assure in that feeling.

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Part one - Owari

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