DISCLAIMER
I did come up with the warped idea of this story but I dont own Naruto or The Nightmare before Christmas.

Avenging Christmas

There are few who deny, that at a ninja I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide (dn dn)
When it comes to surprising a far off nin
I excel without ever even trying(dn dn)

With the slightest little effort of my emolike charms
I have see grown women give out a groan (dn dn)
With a wave of my hand and a well-placed shuriken
I have cut the very bravest off their feet (dn dn)

Yet year after year, it's the same killing regime
And I grow so weary of the sound of women screams
And I, SASUKE, the kunai King
Have grown so tired of av-en-ging

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these eyes
An urging pull began to grow
There's a Naruto out there, not far from my home
A longing that I've never known…..(gay longing)

I'm a master of fire and a demon of ladies
And I'll scare them right out of your hands (dn dn)
To the men in Konoha, I'm Mister Popular
And I'm known throughout Suna and someplace (dn dn)

And since I am hot, I can take off my top
an show you my many emo cuts (dn dn)
No animal nor man can moan like I can
With the fury of my ever growing cock.(dn dn)

But who here would ever understand
That the Shuriken King with the flawless grin
Would tire of his knife, if they only understood
He'd give it all up if he got his love. (Naruto)
Oh, there's an empty place in my pants
That calls out for Naruto’s warmth
The fans and threats come year after year
Does nothing for these emo tears

Chapter one: What’s this?

Sasuke pounded through the supermarket of Konoha, sweat running down his usually emotionless, flawless, irresistibly handsome um and what not face. He was rushing to the frozen food section.

“I must get those new paddle-pop, double choc, vanilla swirl ice poles, before it’s too late!” Sasuke fastens his pace pushing fans out of his way as he went.

Alex: “You ok there Sasuke? Your not really acting in character…”

“Oh sorry…” Sasuke stops and glares at the reader.
Alex: “now back to the story.”

Sasuke arrived at the frozen food section, approaching the fridges, keeps his eyes out for attacking ninja. He flicked his long black hair over his shoulder, reaching out his hand and placing it on the frozen glass, gazing in.

Chocolate paddle-pops, vanilla paddle-pops, rainbow paddle-pops, banana paddle-pops.

“But where’s the bloody….” Oh shit, he had even forgotten the name.

Sasuke snapped out of his senses when he saw the last (whatever it’s called) ice-cream packet, in the hands of none other then that freaky experiment kid…. Naruto, wasn’t it?

NO ONE TAKES SASUKE’S ICE-CREAM!

“Oi, you freaky corpse!” Sasuke yelled out walking after the blonde. “What are you doing with me choc… MY ICE-CREAM!”

Naruto blushed, omg Sasuke the king of the kunai was actually talking to him, he thought that Sasuke had never noticed him. Naruto was always in the shadow of his master, Orochimaru his creator.

“Listen! I’m really hurting right now (youtube, Hope is emo) because I have been hanging out for that ice-cream for the past 15 minutes, Listen you ugly half dead retard, you better pass it over now, or your gonna get hurt, by the Shuriken King…that’s me!” With that Sasuke received a sharp slap to the face, Naruto then turning around and walking away… with the ice-cream.

Sasuke had his hand resting on his face, his mouth gaping open, some saliva falling from the side of his mouth.

What’s this? What’s this feeling now? Some attraction to the mangled creation. Was it the fact that he was walking away with the ice-cream Sasuke had been hanging out for, or was it cause he had smacked Sasuke’s stunning face.

NO ONE SMACKS SASUKE’S FACE. Except for now…

Sasuke’s stunning face, he mourned, running his hand through his sleek hair.

Alex: Sasuke, maybe you should check your… um downstairs out.”

Sasuke gives the reader his death glare, before diverting his gaze down…

NO ONE GIVES SASUKE A BONER! Except Naruto, it seems…

Naruto felt the supermarket, the sun beaming down on him, he smiled, clasping the ice-cream to his chest, and letting himself slide down the wall, letting out a sigh.
He had touched Sasuke, something that not even half of the fan girls had accomplished yet, Naruto cant explain to the readers what it was like, the warmth of Sasuke’s skin against his hand, even though it was only a split second, he was sure they had, had a moment!

Chapter 2: The Plan

Night had settled over the town of Konoha, a thick fog swam across the landscape carrying a funky odour, but this didn’t seem to affect Sasuke in the slightest, as he sat looking in through Orochimaru’s stained window.

Clutching Naruto’s abandoned ice-cream wrapper in his right hand, he slowly started to lick the chocolate swirl from the plastic, concentrating on all he could see of Naruto through the dirty glass.

He has found Naruto’s ice-cream wrapper discarded carelessly in someone’s domestic bin, that had sat unawares out the front of some persons house.
Maybe he got some strange looks from passer-byers, but he didn’t care. It was worth the intense pleasure he was getting from knowing that at this moment it was the closest he could get to Naruto.

Sasuke ran his hand down the glass, dust getting attracted to his skin, squinting in before scowling when he saw Sakura sitting on Naruto’s lap, whispering things to him, Sasuke attempted to use his exceeding skills to lip read, but sadly he wasn’t as smart as he suspected.

Alex: ok I know the start to this chapter is a tad freaky, Sasuke is just having jealously problems…. As well stalker ones…

Sasuke: “Shut up I’m trying to concentrate, waitaminute….WHATS SAKURA DOING WITH HER HAND!”

Alex: It’s in her pocket Sasuke…

Sasuke: “no…no…”

Alex: It is Sasuke..

Sasuke was seriously considering barging in and declaring what he was the Kunai King and claiming his right to stab Sakura. But this was not what Alex wanted so that was when Orochimaru walked into the room. He had just had a bath, and at first glances Sasuke thought he was wearing a turban, but with closer inspection it was a towel, a pink towel.

“My Lovely’s.” Orochimaru hissed walking up to Sakura and Naruto running his hand through Naruto’s blonde hair.
“If only my balls hadn’t rotted off I would claim you for myself.” Orochimaru sighed. “the set backs of being immortal, not even Viagra helps me these days.”
Naruto shuddered.

(Everyone knows that being immortal is the worst thing you can do for your sex life, just look at Voldemort, do we seriously think he got enjoyment of being attached to professor Quirrel… constantly joined….)

Orochimaru hand fell to Naruto’s lap, slowly moving to Naruto’s crutch, Naruto squeezed his eyes shut, before Orochimaru’s hand slipped into Naruto’s pocket pulling out a sticky ice-cream wrapper.

Sasuke jumped WHO’S WRAPPER HAD SASUKE BEEN SUCKING ON! He pulled it away from his mouth, but it had tasted so gooood. Damn him and his pregnant woman like cravings.

Orochimaru glared at Naruto. “What’s this?”

Naruto gulped. “It’s the new paddle-pop, double choc, vanilla swirl icy pole sir.”

(see Sasuke even Naruto remembered, but you don’t know that cause you cant lip read.)

Orochimaru slumped down on the couch, grabbing the stump of his member that hadn’t rotted off. “Now you newly wed’s give me my Christmas present, something to get off on.”

Sakura and Naruto shrugged at each other before starting to makeout.

Sasuke crushed the wrapper in his hand, (thank god for that) gritting his teeth, the only thing that Sasuke heard that night was the moans that slipped from Orochimaru’s lips.

Sasuke turned away from the scene the plan already building itself in his head.

‘Kidnap Mrs Sakura, put her in a box bury her for 60 years then see if she talks.’

“NANANANANANAAAAAAAANANANANANANANANAAAAAA” Sprang from Sasuke’s mouth, as a crazy look flashed in his eyes.

Chapter 3: Kaka Santa

“Kaka Santa, there is no escaping!” Sakura snarled pointing her tongs at him.
She had finally got Kakashi cornered, in his own bathroom, he had been in the middle of taking a piss, when she had landed through his window..

A deathly silence rang across the room, before Kakashi finally zipped his pants up. “What is the meaning of this!”

“Shut up, Kaka Santa, I have you cornered in your own bathroom….JUST TAKE IT OFF!” Sakura pushing the tongs forward threatenly..

Kakashi covered his crutch with his hands, scared of what the tongs might do.

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Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon rushed up the stairs raising their paddle pop sticks, ready to attack, they had been given a mission and they complete it no matter what!

“Sakura is GOING DOWN!” Konohamaru yelled out.

Moegi, huffed and puffed as she ran after Konohamaru, “Yeah, Sasuke said to get her in the sack.” At that moment Udon lifts the potato bag up in the air, so the reader can take a good look.

“See we aren’t perverted in any way.” Udon says to the reader. “Even though Konohamaru keeps pictures of Tsunade in his pants…”

“Shut UP!” Konohamaru blushes. “Your getting demoted!”

“You have them in your pants right now, don’t you Konohamaru-chan?” Moegi says in her sweet little voice.

Konohamaru glares at them. (oh dear his taking after Sasuke.)

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Kakashi had his hands raised in the air and his pants around his ankles a look of defeat in his eyes.
“A lot of people are going to be leaving out sake for me at Christmas, you can’t take this away from me…. What about all the adolescents who want Kaka Santa to deliver their safe sex and voodoo kits?”

Sakura gave him a sick look. “You seriously are a sick santa, for this I’m going to burn that book of yours!”

“Noooo nooooo you can’t do that to, Ummm I’ll do anything, just don’t burn it!”

“Then take it off!” Sakura glared.

Kakashi looked at her wide eyed, “Don’t play dumb Santa!”

Kakashi then looked down to his underpants and then up to Sakura. “If I must.” He sighed bringing his hand to the hem of his underpants.

At this moment Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon pushed the door open to Kakashi’s bathroom holding their paddle pop sticks up, ready to attack. “FREEZE!”

Udon lowered his stick upon seeing Kaka santa standing there with no pants on, and about to remove his underpants. “Konohamaru-chan, do you think he was getting out his pictures?”

Konohamaru turned his paddle pop stick to Kakashi, “I don’t know but there’s only one way to find out!”

Moegi, Udon and Konohamaru all charged at Kakashi pushing him to the ground.

“uhuh!” Konohamaru exclaimed, pulling a picture out of Kakashi’s pocket.

The three children crowded around the picture before all giving out a sound of disgust.

Kakashi shrugged. “So what, Santa’s gay.” Kakashi looked over the kids shoulder’s to the picture of Iruka getting out of a shower, obviously one of those pictures that are taken from the outside of a bathroom, when one is spying.

“You sick bastard!” Sakura butted in, “I didn’t mean take off your pants, I meant take off you mask!”

A deathly silence fell over the crowded bathroom, “Sakura….I could never do that. Christmas is about mystery, if I was to remove my mask that would be ruining the whole point. Turn your tongs away and take love into your heart, embrace the Christmas cheer.”

“Shut up Old man, and remove that mask, don’t you think removing your spandex jocks id ruining Christmas.”

“Well ummm actually when I have enough time, I make boys have all their christmas’s come at once…”

“You sick teme, REMOVE THE MASK!”

“Not…so….fast Sakura!” Konohamaru cried out. “We’re gonna get you in the sack no matter what!”

Moegi and Udon leapt down from behind pulling the potato sack over Sakura’s head.
Kakashi sighed pulling up his pants, “well I guess Ill get back to what I was doing.” He then snatched the picture of Iruka off Moegi, before walking to the door.

“Wait….a…..minute Santa.” Konohamaru glared. “We don’t like your gay ways….get in the sack!”

“No….No…..not with her….noooooooooooooooooo!”



***Sakura’s Flashback*** Sakura flopped out of the bed, looking down at the sleeping Naruto, that she was forced to be with because of Orochimaru and his sick games. Her and Naruto, didn’t have anything against eachother, the truth be told they were both gay. (everyone is gay in Konoha….I know! But its warped Christmas!)

Orochimaru was perched at the end of their bed, he watched as Sakura got changed.
“I have a mission for you.”

Sakura turned to Orochimaru. “Yeah what is it…” she said.

“When I was little, I always looked forward to Christmas. I had a fascination with Santa, I would stay up every Christmas, camp out under the Christmas tree, the lights burning my sensitive skin. But every Christmas, I would always…..fall asleep, and never see Santa.”

“awww what a sweet story Orochimaru, but what’s point?”

Orochimaru glared at Sakura before continuing his story. “I started getting obsessive, I started to think maybe Santa would come on other nights apart from Christmas, so I stayed up every night, hoping and waiting. I grew sick and weak, and then I decided one Christmas that I would not camp under the Christmas tree and get burned by the many lights. So I thought this time I would catch Santa out side, where he least expects it. So I hid under a bush, my mums prized rose bush.”

“and…”

“You know what piss feels like pouring down your face, do you know how it stings your eyes?”

“What…”

“You know, Santa did come…” Orochimaru scowled. “And all I saw was his tallie wacker, as he took a piss in my front yard on my mother’s prized rose bush and on me… I looked up, my stinging eyes searching for the face I had been imagining my whole life, and through the yellow blurriness I saw a mask…”