I will dedicate and sacrifice my every-thing
For just a seconds worth of how my story's ending
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing
Crawling in the Dark -- Hoobastank

~~~~~

Naruto growled as he looked at the building. It was another high school, another soulless building where he would spend a small portion of his life in before moving on. He walked inside, not even bothering glance at the other teens crowding the halls as he made his way to the main office.

He walked inside and a woman behind the desk looked up at him. She was probably taking in his tight, orange, pleather pants and black tank top over a fishnet shirt. She was probably shocked at the whisker tattoos he’d gotten back in eighth grade. Just like everyone else.

“You must be Uzumaki Naruto,” she said at last, and Naruto just nodded. She handed him his schedule and a map of the high school and told him to get to class. He walked out of the room, glad to be free of her gawking.

He found the room number of his homeroom, and found himself and where he had to go on the map, and started making his way through the halls. They were filled with teens, laughing, joking, yelling, and in some cases, making out. Naruto paid no one a glance.

He was so absorbed in finding his way, though, that he ran into someone and fell to the ground. He looked up, and there stood a god of sex. He had black hair spiked in the back, and cold, heartless black eyes. The boy just glared at Naruto, and Naruto glared back, mutual hatred from the moment their eyes locked.

It was obvious Naruto was the outcast-type, and the boy was the sexy, smart and popular-type. So they mutually decided to treat the moment as if it was nothing, for anything else would cause more problems for the both of them. The boy returned to chatting with a girl whom he would probably forget soon enough. And Naruto stood up and again started making his way to homeroom.

He made it just before the bell rang, and went up to the teacher’s desk, giving him the note the woman in the principal’s office had given him. The teacher stood up and gestured to a seat, which Naruto took.

“Class, today we have a new student, Uzumaki Naruto,” Iruka-sensei said. The class continued chatting away, uncaring of the punk-goth new kid. “Would anyone like to show him around on his first day here?” Iruka-sensei asked, trying again. No one answered.

“It’s okay, sensei, I’ll be fine on my own,” Naruto said, putting his schedule and map inside his back pack. Iruka-sensei seemed to be distraught.

“I’ll show him around,” a voice from the back said, and the class instantly got quiet. Naruto turned around, and there sat what Naruto’s mind instantly labeled as a kindred spirit. It was no wonder the class was surprised he had spoken.

He had short, red-brown hair that was spiked, and his skin was amazingly pale. His eyes, though, were enrapturing. They were outlined in kohl, and were the most gorgeous shade of aqua Naruto believed he’d ever seen. His clothes looked like they all came from Hot Topic, as they dripped fishnet and chains. On his forehead was the Japanese character for love, tattooed onto his skin.

“Thank you, Gaara,” Iruka-sensei said, and Gaara nodded, standing up to go sit by Naruto. Naruto shivered at his mere presence, noticing the room was still silent. Slowly, the conversations picked up again, but they seemed more restrained, more awkward.

The class announcements came on, and afterwards the bell rang, signaling the end of homeroom. Naruto and Gaara walked out together awkwardly not saying anything.

“What’s your first class?” Gaara asked.

“I can find my own way, thanks,” Naruto replied. Gaara shrugged, uncaring.

“Suit yourself.” He turned to walk away, but hadn’t gone more than a few steps when he turned back around. “What period do you have lunch?”

“Fifth,” Naruto responded.

“That’s my period, too. If you have any trouble finding somewhere to sit, come to the fourth-floor cafeteria, I’ll be saving you a seat.” With that, he turned back around and continued walking.

Naruto had to run to find his first class, math of all things. Barely making it inside, he was almost instantly falling asleep to his teacher’s lecture about quadratic equations. She woke him up angrily.

“Naruto,” she said furiously, “You are not making a good impression on your first day,” she chided. Naruto shrugged, and she instantly began pelting him with questions. He answered all the math problems perfectly. His old school had been somewhat military-style, so he had good practice answering math problems quickly and with machine precision.

The teacher huffed and went back up front to continue teaching. He rested his head back down and fell asleep again, only to be woken up by the screeching of a bell. He yawned and made his way to his next class.

His next three classes, Biology, History, and English were no problem. His old school had driven as many facts as they could into him, so these more relaxed classes were a joke. Lunch eventually rolled around and he made his way to the fourth-floor cafeteria. No way was he passing up a free seat.

He entered the cafeteria, soon pelted with the amazing volume of high school students chatting and laughing. He quickly found Gaara, and almost laughed.

Gaara was sitting by himself. The entire table he was sitting at was empty. Naruto hesitantly made his way over and sat down next to the boy, who didn’t even give him a second glance. The conversations in the cafeteria faltered a bit in shock of someone sitting with Gaara, but continued on quickly in an effort to pretend nothing had happened.

“So, how was your day?” Naruto asked, trying to fill the silence.

“Good,” Gaara responded.

“Um . . . that’s good . . . my day went well . . .” Naruto fumbled as Gaara turned those piercing green eyes to him.

“You’re cute when you’re uncomfortable,” he said, and went back to his lunch. Naruto was in a state of shock, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gulping for air. Then a blush came over his face and he didn’t try to say anything else. Truth be told, Gaara was pretty cute himself.

Naruto had long ago gotten over the fact that he was gay. Actually, it was more he didn’t like most anyone, but occasionally he did fall for someone, and that someone was always a guy. Naruto had told his mom, but she didn’t care either way, so long as he didn’t bother her.

After Naruto’s father had died, his mother had started sending him off to various boarding schools as soon as he was old enough to be in school. His aunts said it was because he looked too much like his father. Eventually though, he would inevitably start getting into trouble and she would just send him to another one.

This time, she finally decided he could live on his own and decided to rent him an apartment near a regular high school. Naruto had to admit it was quieter than living in a dorm, though he supposed he liked it that way.

Only one of his previous crushes had ever worked out into anything. But this could work out right? Gaara said he was cute, so he must be gay, right? But Naruto knew better than to get his hopes up.

After lunch, Naruto and Gaara were walking out of the cafeteria when Naruto started to sense the other students’ heated glares directed towards him. Gaara seemed to notice Naruto’s awkwardness and slowly slipped a hand into Naruto’s own and squeezed gently, reassuringly.

Naruto could tell from the moment he’d met Gaara that he wasn’t a big talker, more preferring to communicate silently. The simple gesture of holding hands spoke more than volumes about him. Gaara was an enigma, but in that moment, Naruto felt as if he knew Gaara’s soul.

It was akin to when someone opens up and tells you everything about themselves, only in body language. Gaara was showing that he wanted to protect Naruto. Gaara was showing that although he seemed not to care about being shunned, he still wanted companionship. And he was showing that he liked Naruto, even in some small amount.

Naruto knew better than to get his hopes up, but maybe, just one more time, he would let himself hope.

“What’s your next class?” Gaara asked, and, unlike earlier, Naruto felt obliged to tell him.

“Art,” he said, and Gaara nodded, pointing the way and heading off to his own class. Naruto slowly made his way to art. He entered the room, and was surprised by the state of the room. The students were wildly talking, but somehow all still working. The teacher was sitting, feet up on his desk, reading a book that’s title was Make Out Paradise.

The seats were set up around four tables, six seats at each. Naruto took a seat with five other boys. They glanced up for a second before going back to work. The teacher looked up.

“Uzumaki Naruto, right?” he asked, silver hair glinting. Naruto nodded. The teacher stood up and grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to him. “Draw something,” was his only direction.

One of the boys must have noticed his confusion because he leaned over, “He’s always like that, Kakashi-sensei likes to let us do as we like most of the time.”

“Thanks,” Naruto replied, picking up a pencil and beginning to sketch.

“No prob, by the way, name’s Kiba, that’s Chouji, Shikamaru, Neji, and Lee,” the boy said, introducing the rest of the group. Naruto nodded to each of them.

“Hey,” the boy called Chouji said through a mouthful of chips, “I heard you sat with Gaara today at lunch.” The boys’ heads rose a few inches in interest.

“Wow, word travels fast,” Naruto commented. The five boys were staring at him.

“You mean you did?” Lee asked in shock. “I mean, you weren’t creeped out or anything?” Naruto just smiled.

“Nah, Gaara’s cool,” he said, grinning and going back to his sketch. A boy at another table stood up and came over, glaring at Naruto. Naruto recognized him as the boy he’d run into earlier.

“If you don’t want to be hurt, I suggest you stay away from Gaara,” he said, picking up an eraser from the bin on their table and going back to his seat.

“Who was that?” Naruto asked when the boy was gone.

“That’s Uchiha Sasuke, Student Body President and School Heart-throb. He’s troublesome,” Shikamaru answered.

“Wait, Uchiha Sasuke. Is he related to Uchiha Itachi?” Naruto asked, a small smirk forming on his lips. Sasuke’s head shot up.

“How do you know Itachi?” he asked accusingly.

“Oh, we’ve met,” Naruto said slyly, smirk widening. “He used to talk about you all the time, Sasuke-kun. His annoying little brother.” Naruto nearly broke out into laughter when Sasuke shot him one last glare and whipped back around without a response.

“How do you know Itachi?” Kiba asked, whispering.

“We used to date,” Naruto said casually. “I dumped him, and he got pretty pissy about it. It’s always fun to make pretty boys angry, they get so mad they mess up their hair.” Naruto looked up from his drawing at the boys staring at him. “What?”

“You’re gay?!” Lee asked, shocked. Naruto laughed, stood up, and did a turn to show them his outfit.

“Would anyone straight be wearing this?” he asked, sitting down and continuing to draw.

The rest of art class passed in relative silence because he seemed to have stumped his companions. He easily made his way through his last classes, and sighed when he walked out of the building, glad to be free.

He almost jumped when he heard a car horn. He turned to see Gaara, waiting patiently on him. He walked up to the car.

“Want a ride?” the boy asked. Naruto grinned, and walked around to the other side and got into the black convertible. On the hood the Japanese character for love was written in red.

“How was your day?” Naruto asked. Gaara shrugged and Naruto took this to mean that it went okay. “Mine was interesting. First, I met you. Then, in my art class, some kid named Uchiha something got pissy because I used to date his brother.”

“You used to date Itachi?!” Gaara asked, and Naruto was pleased that he actually startled Gaara into saying something.

“Yeah, I dumped him last year, though,” Naruto responded.

“Why?” Gaara asked.

“We just didn’t get along very well,” Naruto asked. “Why, do you know him?”

“Sasuke and I dated last year,” Gaara responded glaring at the street.

“No shit? Pretty boy is gay?!” Gaara nodded. “Well, that certainly does explain the ‘stay away from Gaara’ shit he pulled today in art.”

“He told you to stay away from me?” Gaara asked, and Naruto was startled by the hurt in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Naruto responded, noticing the way Gaara’s hands had loosened on the steering wheel, as if in slight defeat. Once again, Naruto had to read into Gaara’s body language, speaking more than volumes. “Wouldn’t trust the fucker anyway. He obviously isn’t a very good judge of character.”

Gaara looked up into beautiful, reassuring blue eyes. Naruto grinned comfortingly. Gaara nodded and returned his eyes to the road.

“You want to come over?” Naruto asked. Gaara nodded, and Naruto began to give him directions to his apartment.

~End Chapter 1~

I am but a raindrop, one in a million, but still able to make waves.

Title: Infinity

Chapter Title: Running Away

Summary: AU, Naruto transfers to a new high school and makes new friends, enemies, and runs into an old lover

~~~~~

When I get close you turn away,
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
Running Away -- Hoobastank

~~~~~

When they got out of the car and began making their way to Naruto’s apartment, Naruto could almost feel the sexual tension mounting. They almost made it through the elevator ride, but their bodies were so close, and Gaara just had to shift, ever so slightly.

And then Naruto was straddling the taller boy, pushing him against the wall, lips fused together. Gaara didn’t pull away, but kissed Naruto back, hands resting on the soft jutting out of Naruto’s hip bones.

Fire. It played along their skin and danced up and down their arms and legs, settling near their crotches as their lips played and danced and seared along each other, teasing and taunting and soothing and promising.

Passion. It rode through them and enflamed them and made them into just bundles of lust, broken open and waiting to be fulfilled with that burning searing heat and flame of the other.

They stumbled out of the elevator, neither caring if they were spotted by Naruto’s neighbors. Naruto clumsily broke the lip lock and opened the door, and they slammed the door, lips finding each other again.

Then Gaara had him against the wall, leg pressing in between his own, nudging against his growing erection. Naruto’s hands were tossed around Gaara’s neck, fisting in his hair in desperation.

Gaara broke the kiss, and stared into Naruto’s eyes. Those pure blue eyes flickered open, to look questioningly upon Gaara’s pondering face.

And then, Gaara’s heat was gone, and when Naruto’s eyes finally focused, they found him sitting on the couch, pulling out his lighter and drawing out a cigarette.

“W-what?” he managed to get out, despite his mind reeling. Gaara just looked at him, and to the casual observer he would have seemed unperturbed, but his fingers trembled just a little too much, and his legs were crossed to hide his erection.

“W-why did you stop?” Naruto still was leaning against the wall, legs slightly spread, panting in an image of perfect beauty.

“Because you deserve better,” Gaara said, and stood up, opening the door and starting to walk out. He stopped though, and called behind him, “See you at school.”

Naruto swore violently at the closed door. Stupid Gaara. Stupid hormones. Stupid Itachi for making him such a needy little whore. He had half a mind to call up his ex-boyfriend for some help fixing his little problem, but nothing with Itachi came without a price, and he knew what price Itachi would ask.

So he stood straight on shaking legs, stumbling into the bathroom and closing the door. He got out of his clothes quickly, stepping into the shower, drawing the curtain closed and turning the water on cold.

It sprayed around him and caused goose bumps to rise on his skin. He took his erection into his hand and began to pump himself, head laying back on the tiles as his mouth opened and his eyes closed.

He came quickly, and finished his shower, stepping out. He looked into the mirror and pulled a towel around him. His eyes widened as he realized that this was the first time in months he’d gotten himself off without crying Itachi’s name.

“Gaara,” he said, and smiled. The name felt right on his lips, just the right amount of purr in it to make it beautiful. He grinned, and dried himself off. Sauntering into the kitchen, he started making dinner when the phone rang.

“Uzumaki Naruto,” he answered. Tsukiko, his stepsister, answered.

“Hey, Naru-chan, have you settled in well?”

“Yeah, I met this really cute guy today, too.” Naruto said, grinning.

“Oh, what’s his name?” Tsukiko was always glad to hear about Naruto’s boyfriends and crushes.

“Gaara,” Naruto responded.

“What’s he look like?”

“He’s got short, red hair, beautiful aqua eyes surrounded in black eyeliner, and a definite fetish for fishnet.”

“Sounds tasty,” Tsukiko said and they both giggled. “Straight or gay?”

“Gay, might be bi, not sure. He told me I was cute today in lunch, then he offered to give me a ride home.”

“Sounds promising.”

“Yeah, but then I invited him up to my apartment, and we were making out pretty heavily, and he pulled away, said some crap about me deserving better and left.”

“That’s sucks.”

“Yeah, what do you think he meant?”

“Probably doesn’t think very highly of himself.” Tsukiko was in college and was getting a psychology major, so Naruto trusted her opinion on this. “But if you really think he’s worth pursuing, I’d track him down tomorrow if I were you.”

“Thanks, Tsuki-chan.”

“No prob, Naru-kun, just keep that grin of yours on your face and you’ll be fine.”

“Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

Naruto hung up and finished making his ramen, sitting down and digging in. Afterwards, he did some homework and went to bed, completely tired.

The next day he went into school, finding his way to his homeroom and sitting down next to Gaara.

“Listen, Gaara, about yesterday, what happened?” Naruto asked, dying to know. Gaara turned stone-cold eyes to him and just stared, not responding. Those eyes seemed to search him and find all of his secrets he had worked so hard to hide.

“Don’t sit with me at lunch today,” Gaara warned. Then, he got up and left the room, not caring that he wasn’t supposed to leave in the middle of homeroom.

Naruto’s morning classes passed slowly. He was bored out of his mind and completely and utterly frustrated with Gaara.

Lunch came, and Naruto found a seat next to some people he didn’t know. It was fairly close to Gaara’s table, so he had a good view of the boy when Sasuke came up and sat down.

He didn’t realize he was growling until a few people got up and moved away from him. He strained to listen in on Gaara’s and Sasuke’s conversation. They seemed to be fighting about something.

“He dated Itachi, Gaara,” Sasuke was saying, and Naruto had no doubts about who they were talking about.

“Since when do you care who I chose to date, Sasuke?” Gaara asked, glaring.

“Since he’s obviously everything you have to avoid.”

“Sasuke, we’re not dating anyway, so give it up.”

“Gaara . . .” Sasuke said warningly, and Gaara gave him one last glare so he gave up, stood up and went back over to his own table.

Naruto, gathering his bravery, stood up and sat down across the table from Gaara. Gaara looked up at him, glaring at the boy. Naruto ignored him, eating his food. When Gaara didn’t stop glaring he looked up and unflinchingly met the other boy’s eyes.

“You know, you’re quite good at glaring, but I had to deal with Itachi for a whole year. You don’t quite compare,” Naruto said, grinning. Gaara’s eyes narrowed more.

“I thought I told you not to sit with me today,” Gaara said, a hint of a threat behind the words.

“Why not?” Naruto asked, foot playing with Gaara’s underneath the table. “We seemed to be getting quite close yesterday.” His foot trailed up the inside of Gaara’s calf and back down. Naruto grinned when he saw Gaara shiver convulsively.

“Go away,” Gaara said.

“Not until you tell me why you don’t want me around all of a sudden. You seemed quite willing yesterday.”

“Yesterday I lost control, okay? Now go.”

“Lost control? Is that such a bad thing? Gaara, if you’re worried about getting hurt, I promise I would never hurt you,” Naruto’s grin faded, eyes pleading.

“That’s not it,” Gaara said, shaking his head and frowning.


“Then what is it?” Naruto asked.

“I’m worried about hurting you,” Gaara said, sighing.

“Why?”

“I’ve hurt too many people in my lifetime.”

“How?”

Gaara took his hand and rested it gently against Naruto’s own. Slowly, he drew his nails down the soft, unmarred skin, pressing deeper and deeper until he broke skin.

Slowly, he raised his hand, nails with just the smallest amount of blood on them, to his lips. He licked them clean, watching Naruto’s shocked reaction.

“I like pain,” he said, frowning. “I wouldn’t be able to control myself around someone as . . . breakable as you.”

“Itachi liked pain, too,” Naruto said, whispering in slight shock.

“So Sasuke tells me.”

“That’s what you were fighting about!” Naruto said, something clicking in his brain. “He knows you like pain, and since I was obviously Itachi’s sub, he knew you wouldn’t be able to resist someone who was . . . well . . . a masochist.”

“You’re a masochist?” Gaara asked, eyes widening. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

“You thought I stayed with Itachi for a whole year and didn’t enjoy the pain?”

“No, I just . . . I didn’t think.”

“Well, I am,” Naruto said simply, eyes sad. “And believe me, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Why did you dump Itachi then?” Gaara asked.

“I thought, foolishly, that if I stop receiving pain, I would stop craving it. Believe me, that drove him insane. I tried . . . and I was almost successful.”

“What happened?” Gaara’s eyes were wide, slightly with anticipation, slightly with fear of himself.

“He called me. Just his voice. Just his damn voice was enough to cause me to break down.”

“What did he want?”

“He wanted me back. Said he wouldn’t be able to find another whore as needy as I was, which was probably true. Gaara, the only way you’ll be able to truly hurt me, is by breaking my heart.”

Naruto lifted the hand that Gaara had scratched, holding it out to the other boy. Gaara took it, raised it to his lips and began to lick the blood off like a cat with cream. Naruto almost groaned at the softness of Gaara’s tongue and the pain/pleasure stinging of the saliva as it entered his blood stream.

Gaara seemed to come to, dropped Naruto’s hand, and walked out of the cafeteria. Naruto watched sadly, and didn’t follow.

In art, Sasuke glared at him throughout the class, and Naruto knew he’d seen and probably heard the two of them talking.

“Hey, Naruto,” Shikamaru said. Naruto looked up from his drawing. “You like Gaara, right?”

“Maybe,” Naruto shrugged.

“Every other day, he works after school at the book store downtown,” Shikamaru informed him.

Naruto didn’t say anything, but the wheels inside of his head were turning. He had an idea.

~ End Chapter 2 ~

I don’t want your heart, I want all of you, and that includes your pain.

Title: Infinity

Chapter Title: Pieces

Summary: AU, Naruto transfers to a new high school and makes new friends, enemies, and runs into an old lover

~~~~~

Suffocating, sinking further almost every day
Barely treading, water knowing I will not give up
I WILL NOT GIVE UP!
Pieces -- Hoobastank

~~~~~

Naruto, after school, ran home and got out his directory, looking up Gaara’s address. He walked the fairly short distance to Gaara’s house. When he got there, though, he stopped. He briefly wondered who Gaara lived with.

Taking a deep breath, he walked up to the house and knocked on the door. He had to wait a few seconds before it swung open revealing a boy with purple face paint on. He glared at Naruto for a few seconds before a blonde-haired girl shoved him out of the way.

“Stop scaring people Kankuro,” she said, turning to Naruto, “Can I help you.” Naruto looked her over. She had hair pulled back in large spiky puff balls on the back of her head, and seemed to bear no resemblance to Gaara except for their taste in clothes. She wore mass amounts of chains, leather, buckles, zippers, and fishnet.

“I . . . um . . .” Naruto stuttered, blushing. She looked at him closer.

“Are you Naruto?” she asked. Naruto nodded, and she smiled. “Well, come in then.” As she was leading Naruto into the kitchen, Kankuro came up behind them.

“Gaara’s gonna kill you,” he said, laughing to himself as he went upstairs.

“Ignore him,” the girl said. “By the way, I’m Temari, Gaara’s older sister.” She took him into the kitchen and they sat down at the small table. “So you have a crush on my brother?” she asked, and Naruto flinched at her bluntness. He chose to nod silently.

“Well, you should just give up,” she said, frowning. “Gaara has issues, and he likes other people’s pain. He will not stop hurting you even if you beg him to.”

“I can’t give up,” Naruto mumbled.

“And why not?” Temari asked, glaring at Naruto. Naruto gulped and met her eyes.

“Because I don’t give up that easily,” Naruto said, clearly.

Temari stood up and grabbed him by his collar, lifting him off the ground. “Do you know what he’ll do to you? Do you know how many others have tried? You don’t even know him, do you?”

“I don’t care what he does to me,” Naruto said. “And I don’t care who else has tried. I’m not trying to change him. I’m trying to love him!”

Temari released her hold and Naruto tumbled to the ground. “Then maybe, maybe you could,” she said, and smiled, lifting Naruto to his feet. She leaned and whispered in his ear, “Gaara likes pain because he’s been put through too much and needs to make others suffer for it. You hurt him and I will personally make your life a living hell.”

Naruto nodded, and grinned. “Believe me, I don’t give up that easily.”

“The best way to get to him is to offer him friendship, and let him get to know you, don’t try to hide anything, he hates that. Complete honesty is key. He doesn’t like crowds of people so if you ever offer to hang out with him, choose someplace secluded. I’ll give you a ride to where he’s working.”

As Temari and Naruto were leaving, Naruto saw Kankuro standing on the stairs with his mouth open in shock. Naruto stuck his tongue out, and slammed the door behind him.

She dropped him off in front of the store, and as soon as he was out of her car, she drove away. Gently he opened the door, the sound of a ringing bell alerting all inside that someone was entering.

He looked around and there was Gaara, glaring at him from behind the counter. He walked up to the counter and grinned, Gaara just continued glaring at him.

“Who told you I worked here?” he asked. Naruto remembered what Temari had said about honesty so he stopped himself before he lied.

“If I tell you are you going to kill them?” Naruto asked, Gaara sighed.

“No, I won’t.”

“Shikamaru told me, but your older sister gave me a ride.”

“You met Temari?” Gaara seemed shocked.

“Yeah, and Kankuro, who evidently doesn’t like me,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes. Gaara sighed, and Naruto realized how tired he looked. “Listen Gaara, I’m sorry for stalking you like this, but . . . can you at least give me friendship? I-I just need to be around you.”

“You probably won’t leave me alone until I say yes, right?” Gaara asked and Naruto smiled slightly and nodded. “Fine, but only friendship.”

Naruto grinned. “Thank you.”

Gaara waved to the store. “You can look around until my shift is over.” Naruto started walking through the shelves, leafing through any books that looked interesting. The store was fairly small, but it had some odd books that you wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else.

Naruto looked up from his browsing when the door opened and a man walked in. He nearly gasped when he realized it was Kakashi-sensei.

“Ah, Kakashi,” he heard Gaara say. “Welcome back, your books are in the back.”

Kakashi-sensei went through the shelves a grabbed a book. He turned and spotted Naruto and grinned.

“Hey, Naruto, what are you doing here?”

“Hanging out with a friend,” Naruto said bravely. Kakashi-sensei turned and looked at Gaara and frowned slightly. He patted Naruto on the head.

“Good luck kid.” Naruto sighed at the comment. He needed all the luck he could get with Gaara. He briefly looked down and noticed that Kakashi was buying another of his Make Out Paradise books.

He continued browsing the shelves and before he knew it Gaara was next to him.

“Want to go across the street for ice cream?” he asked, and Naruto nodded happily. They went across and bought ice cream, sitting in one of the booths.

“So Gaara,” Naruto said in an attempt to make conversation. “How was your day?” Gaara just looked up at him.

“Other than being stalked, pretty good,” he said, voice a complete monotone.

“Oh, that would be me, ne?” Naruto asked with a laugh.

“Where did you move here from?” Gaara asked, and Naruto once again had to remind himself to be completely honest or he would have replied with his customary response, ‘nowhere important.’

“I attended this massively strict boarding school. It was almost military-style,” he said.

“Why’d you leave?” Naruto blushed, beginning to feel like he was in an interrogation, but he also felt like Gaara was testing him. He’d know if Naruto lied, and if Naruto did, he would know the blonde wasn’t worth his trouble.

“Itachi went to a school not far away. We got into a fight, and I got expelled for it. My mom decided to send me here after that. She said she hoped that I would do better in a regular high school, but that she had little hope for me,” it was rough putting it into words, but he managed to keep himself from crying. He hadn’t cried for his mother’s love in a few years.

“What did you fight over?”

Naruto, in favor of saying anything, reached up and undid the spiked choker around his neck. Gaara very nearly gasped at the sight of a long, thin scar running along his neck.

“Itachi nearly killed me, and I dumped him,” Naruto said, voice gaining that monotone quality that only people who have separated themselves enough from a traumatic experience can gain. It was the voice of someone who knew enough pain to no longer be able to separate from pleasure. The voice of someone who almost gave up on life.

Gaara was silent, but Naruto knew what Gaara was thinking. He was pitying him, damn it. He didn’t need pity. Naruto had enough of that, thank you very much.

“Don’t pity me,” Naruto said.

“What?” Gaara looked up, but Naruto was glaring into his ice cream.

“Don’t pity me. I don’t need pity. I brought it upon myself.”

“You couldn’t have-“

“I begged him to, damn it, Gaara, but I didn’t think he really would go that far!” Naruto nearly screamed, tears hovering at the surface of his eyes. “I had just gotten into a fight with my mom, and I . . . I dunno . . . I just lost it,” Naruto whispered. “I asked him to kill me, and he tried.”

Naruto finally met Gaara’s eyes. Gaara eyes spoke more than volumes. For the first time Naruto wondered that maybe Gaara had the right idea about communicating silently. For in Gaara’s eyes, Naruto felt more comfort in that silence, than all the comforting words in the world could bring him.

“Do you still love him?” Gaara asked, and Naruto almost automatically said no, but stopped himself. Honesty. Then he started to say yes, but that wasn’t the truth either.

“I don’t know if I ever loved him, and I don’t know if I still love him,” Naruto said, and he pleaded with his eyes for Gaara to trust him.

Gaara slightly nodded, and they finished eating their ice cream in silence.

“Do you want a ride home?” Gaara asked, and Naruto nodded.

They rode home in silence, but it was neither a comforting silence, nor an uncomfortable one. It was based on the fact that the silence was just comforting enough that neither wanted to break it, but uncomfortable enough that it felt awkward.

“Thank you,” Naruto said when Gaara dropped him off at his apartment building, and Naruto didn’t ask him inside.

His conversation with Gaara had given him an epiphany. Maybe he wasn’t ready to date Gaara yet, and wounds that he had thought had healed needed to be reopened, examined for the lingering infection that comes after bad wounds. They needed to be healed and sown back up properly, with love and affection.

He went inside and went instantly to the closet. Inside there was a box that he hadn’t unpacked yet.

He took scissors from the kitchen and cut the tape off, opening up the flaps. Inside were memories that came with him everywhere he’d traveled.

A lava lamp that had been his mother’s. A picture of his mother and father, smiling and waving at the camera. Comic books that had belonged to his father. Near the bottom, he found the will his father had left.

“All my assets shall go to Uzumaki Naruto when he is eighteen. Until then, they are to remain untouched in the bank,” it read in bold lettering. He hugged the scrap of paper to his chest, but set it aside with the rest.

At the very bottom sat a scrapbook. Naruto opened it and blew the dust off. Inside he kept all the school pictures he’d ever had, along with the pictures his friends had given him.

He called the numbers on the backs of all the pictures, asking how his former friends had been since he’d left, how his old gangs were faring. They all sounded glad to hear from him, and slightly relieved to hear that he was okay.

At last, he came to the picture he had of Itachi. Gently, he took out the box of matches he had and lit one. Slowly, he burnt a hole where Itachi’s face was.

Then, he went to the window and tossed the picture out. The night was windy and it floated away a ways before finally landing.

Naruto stayed up late that night, and he could afford to because it was a Friday, just staring out the window. Sometimes he watched how the wind blew the picture along the ground. Sometimes he watched the moon, almost full but still slightly imperfect, but still shining brightly with the sun’s light.

It wasn’t until around midnight that the tears began to fall. He let himself cry, sobbing about all the injustices that he had gone through over the years.

His father. His mother. Itachi.

He shrank into himself and cried for at least an hour. When in fact he did stop, he looked up, past the moon and into the stars.

He closed his eyes and wished a hundred times on the stars, hoping they could send him some happiness.

He walked into his bedroom and fell asleep almost instantly, but if you had looked at him, laying there asleep, you would see a smile on his face.

~End Chapter 3~

“Star light, Star bright, only hope in darkest night, I wish I may, I wish I might, to die and fall into the light”

Title: Infinity

Chapter Title: Let You Know

Summary: AU, Naruto transfers to a new high school and makes new friends, enemies, and runs into an old lover

~~~~~

Who you are, what you do
Makes me burn to be in you
Who you are, what you do
I'm burning to be in you
Let You Know -- Hoobastank

~~~~~

Naruto walked down the sidewalk, humming a little tune under his breath. The sun was setting fast and it kept growing darker. Slowly, he knocked on Gaara’s door. Temari opened it, and smiled, waving him inside.

“Gaara, you got a visitor,” she called up the steps. He came down and saw Naruto, eyes brightening just a tad when he saw the other boy.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked, shoving his hands into his pockets, pretending to be angry. Naruto just smiled.

“Come on, goth-boy,” he said, “We’re going on a field trip.”

“Naruto, you don’t have a car,” Gaara replied.

“Yes, that’s why you are going to drive and I am going to give directions.” When Gaara still didn’t move, Naruto grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the house to Temari’s snickers. When they were in the car, Gaara turned to Naruto.

“Okay, so where are we going?” he asked, exasperatedly.

“You’ll see,” Naruto said cryptically.

“Naruto, I can’t very well drive somewhere that I have no clue where it is,” Gaara insisted. Naruto pulled out a piece of paper.

“I’ll read you the directions and you can drive,” Naruto said with a grin.

“Okay,” Gaara conceded reluctantly, turning the car on and zooming out of the driveway. “How do you know about this mysterious place anyway?” he asked. Naruto grinned as he was flipping through radio stations.

“A couple years back I went to a school a little ways away from here. I found it one day when I got lost trying to find my way back to school.” Naruto smiled with satisfaction as he found a station to his liking.

Fifteen minutes later they were driving down an old forgotten road. Gaara had the sneaking suspicion that Naruto had no clue where they were going, but didn’t mention it. By this time, the sun had completely gone down and it was difficult to see anything past his car’s headlights.

“Just a little farther,” Naruto said. They were in what appeared to be a long forgotten parking lot. “Here we are.” Naruto stepped out of the car. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” He grabbed the backpack he’d brought with him from the back seat and walked out into the shadows, flipping on a flashlight he’d brought with him.

Suddenly, a light appeared from behind him, flashing onto a screen in front of the car. They were in an abandoned drive-through theater. Naruto came back, grinning as the old horror movie started.

“What do you think? Did I do good or did I do good?” Naruto asked, spinning around as the opening scenes of violence began.

“Wow, solitude, old horror movies, you’ve pretty much covered everything. But you forgot the snacks, my little kitsune,” Gaara teased as Naruto hopped back into the car. Naruto waggled his finger and opened up his backpack, pulling out a bag of chips and a bottle of soda.

“Never underestimate a fox,” he warned, handing over the treats. They both laughed and settled down to watch the movie.

Halfway through they got bored and began to talk about anything and everything. They played rounds of rock paper scissors to see who would have to answer a question of the winner’s choosing. Naruto won with a triumphant shout.

“Um…what do you want to do when you’re older?” he asked with a grin. Gaara paused and thought.

“I don’t know. As a kid, it was always thought I was going to be some sort of psychopathic serial killer. Guess I never thought much past that.” They played another round, this time Gaara won.

“Okay, kitsune,” he said with a grin at his new-found nickname, “What do you want to do when you get older?” Naruto too paused, thinking.

“I don’t know either. I mean, I always lived life as it comes, never really thought much about my future. My dad was this big-shot businessman but that’s not for me.”

“Was?” Gaara asked.

“Yeah, he died a while ago, when I was really young,” Naruto said in blatant reality. “He left all his money, everything, to me, which pissed my mom off so much, that now she can hardly stand to look at me. She just sends me off to random schools about the country so she doesn’t have to look at me.”

“Harsh,” Gaara said.

“Yeah,” Naruto agreed. They played again and Naruto won again. Grinning, he asked, “Why did you go out with Sasuke?” Gaara sighed.

“Somehow I knew this was going to come up. Sasuke and I were at the top of our class throughout elementary and middle school, and though we fought a lot, we also had a lot in common. I was the only one he let know that he was gay and a masochist,” Gaara sighed. “It was kind of a ‘friends-with-benefits’ situation, not that I minded or anything.

“One day I was just looking at him as he was talking to me, and I just wanted to hurt him, to break him, knowing he would let me do it.” Gaara stopped, pausing to regain control of himself. “I broke up with him after that. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, risk hurting someone close to me. He seemed to take this the wrong way though, and never did forgive me.”

Naruto’s hands clasped Gaara’s, gently rubbing the backs of them with the pads of his thumbs. “Don’t worry,” he whispered.

“I want you to know, Naruto,” Gaara told him seriously, hand coming up to trace the whisker tattoos. “That I want to be with you. But I can’t risk it. Not again. I won’t be like Itachi. I don’t ever want to do that to you or to anyone else.” Gaara leaned forward to rest his forehead against Naruto’s.

“I know,” Naruto whispered. “And that’s what makes you different from him. He gave into the desire, reveled in it, and had no respect for other’s lives, so long as he was happy. You, however, you fight it, and treat other’s lives as if their more important than your own.”

“That’s because they are. Their souls can be saved.”

“Not mine,” Naruto said, “I’m just as damned as you are.”

And there was no arguing with that.

By the time they got home, it was ten o’clock. Gaara dropped Naruto off at his apartment before heading off to his own house. He parked the car and hopped out over the door without opening it, glad once again that he chose the convertible.

He opened the door, swinging it open and about to head upstairs when a voice stopped him from the kitchen.

“Hey, Gaara,” Kankuro called. Gaara turned to glare at his elder brother.

“What do you want?” he asked, and he saw the flinch and the fear in his brother’s eyes. There was no mistaking that Kankuro feared Gaara. In that respect, the boy was smarter than most people. Not everyone would know just by looking into Gaara’s eyes that he had no qualms about killing, or anything else for that matter.

“What are you thinking, Gaara?” he asked, and though his voice shook, you could tell he was determined.

“What do you mean?” Gaara asked in return, leaning languidly against the banister, half-lidded eyes looking dangerously at his brother.

“Naruto. You know you’re just going to wind up hurting him. Even if he wants it, it’s still not fair to him,” Kankura persisted, but was cut short by the look in Gaara’s eyes. Gaara seemed to have dropped all his guards, all his facades, and he seemed completely broken-hearted.

“I know,” he whispered. “I know.” With that, he headed up to his room, the attic. It was the largest room, which he had only gotten because Kankuro and Temari were too scared of him to sleep on the same floor as him. The walls were painted black and on them hung paintings he himself had done, of death, destruction and turmoil. All in all, it was not a room conducive to good sleep. Good thing he was an insomniac.

He sat on his bed, picking up his sketchpad and beginning to draw a picture. Most of the time, he wouldn’t know what he was drawing until he lifted his eyes to look at the paper. Most of the time, he drew how his emotions were at the time. But now, he sketched the profile of Naruto’s face, its laughing charisma.

He flipped to an earlier page in the sketchbook, looking at the profile he’d drawn of Sasuke. Looking back and forth between the two pages, he ripped them both out and threw them in the trash bin in his room.

Sighing, he slipped on his headphones, sighing as the heavy metal music engulfed him. It was just like before, he thought to himself. The person just had a different face. He looked up as a knock startled him. Temari stood there, smiling sadly.

“Hey, Gaara,” she greeted in her best older sister voice. She wasn’t the best older sister, but she managed, even if by ignoring him most of the time.

“Hey,” he replied in confusion, slipping off his headphones. Temari usually made it a point to avoid Gaara at all costs.

“Listen, Gaara, Naruto likes you. I mean, I know others have tried to be with you and,” she gulped, “failed. But Naruto,” she smiled and ruffled his hair, ignoring his growl of protest. “He’s strong.”

“How would you know?” he asked her. “You spent all of, what, two minutes with him? I hardly think that’s enough to judge someone’s character.”

“You could tell it in his eyes, Gaara,” she confessed. “He had the strength to confront me, and completely bypass Kankuro. You know how much we scare normal people,” she said with a smile.

“Sasuke was never afraid,” Gaara sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. He just didn’t understand. He wanted to be with Naruto, but didn’t want to hurt him. And now Kankuro and Temari were trying to get involved. It was far too confusing.

“No, but you were able to hurt Sasuke, no conscience problems until that one moment of sanity,” she reminded him. “That’s what makes Naruto different from the others. He’s strong, and willing to do whatever it takes for the people he loves. And you can’t hurt him, ne, little brother?”

Gaara just stared at her in awe. She chuckled and left his room, flicking off the light on her way out and leaving him sitting in the dark, alone.

She was right, he thought to himself. Sure, he wanted to hurt Naruto, but less than the others, so much less. Naruto was too pure, too unblemished despite all he’d been through to hurt. Still, he couldn’t risk it. He knew temptation from his own experience, and knew just how much it could make you do.

He rolled over in bed and slipped back on the headphones. The heavy metal ebbed around him as he pondered his situation.

In his mind, he pictured all the others. He’d had around seven boyfriends in the past, and all of them had ended up getting hurt almost fatally and Gaara in turn had had to send them away, except for Sasuke. He’d stopped himself before he’d hurt Sasuke fatally, but there was that risk there still. That one moment of control meant nothing in the grand battle that was his consciousness.

But you enjoyed it, a mutinous voice he’d carefully avoided telling his psychologists about whispered. You wanted to kill them, to feel their blood in your hands. Just like you’ll do with Naruto. You’re kitsune. It mocked him, laughing demonically.

No, he shouted back at it, feeling drained and yet unable to sleep. I won’t! He ripped the headphones off his ears, as if they were the source of that voice. The voice still raged in his mind, and he cupped his hands over his ears as if to block it out.

Naruto sat in his apartment, humming to himself. Ramen was on the stove, his date with Gaara had gone better than expected. Gaara had revealed some things about himself, that Naruto never could have hoped for.

A song on his lips, he began to eat his ramen when a knock sounded at the door. Smiling to himself, he got up to answer it. Happy though he was, he was a little confused as to who would be visiting him at this time of night. He opened the door and nearly fell backward as he looked up into the face of his nightmares. And of his dreams.

“Hello, Naruto,” Itachi greeted.

~End Chapter 4~

“As long as I have you there is just one other thing I'll always need - tremendous self control.”