Summary: 10th Anniversary Edition! Now with 13% more typos! Bored in study hall, they started their own religion, and this one was commissioned to write its sacred text, in exchange for becoming their First Apostle. And so it came to pass, the most demented religious book ever written, an epic tale about nothing. (This book containeth more than thy USDA Recommended Daily Allowance of Irony, Unrefined Satire, and Vitamin X, and may cause random side-effects for those who take themselves, or their religion, too seriously.)
Categories: Non-Naruto Fiction, Non-Naruto Fiction > Original stories, Non-Naruto Fiction > Poems Characters: OC
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Sci-Fi, Supernatural
Warnings: Death, Sexual Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 129 Completed: Yes
Word count: 101461 Read: 61739
Published: 07/08/13 Updated: 16/04/14
Pippin 3 by shadesmaclean
Author's Notes:
the perfect end to a perfect day
And so Pippin the Bastard didst finally come unto his own house, and he was still without his pants. But at that moment, a Major League Baseball satellite didst crash into his house, breaking it asunder.
‘Bummer…’ quoth the man who stood next to him.
Before Pippin couldst speak, a messenger came unto him, saying: ‘Telegram! Art thou Pippin the Bastard?’
‘I am he,’ quoth Pippin.
And Pippin read the telegram. And these art the words of the telegram of Pippin the Bastard:
THY MOTHER HATH BEEN TURNED INTO A PIG STOP HER HOUSE HATH BEEN TURNED INTO A GIANT CAKE STOP HAVE THEE A NICE DAY STOP
And so Pippin the Bastard didst stand in the rain, wondering why the Gods were doing this to him.
But he had not long to wonder before he didst sneeze, and didst realize that he had caught a cold in this damp weather.
And with that, Pippin couldst stand no more, and he didst let out a great cry of frustration and anguish.
At that moment, an evil toaster didst appear, chasing Pippin with sharp pointy teeth. But as he ran down the street in terror, other people simply stood and stared as he passed them.
After a time, the toaster lost interest in Pippin, and didst take an unhealthy interest in some hapless old lady’s brand new blender.
‘Surely the Gods must be messing with me,’ thought Pippin, and so he didst decide to leave the city and wander in the wilderness until he couldst think of what to do next.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.