You think I'm stupid. That's fine. I've spent my whole like getting that kind of thing. Dad says it's just a part of life and as long as the important people think otherwise, everything's fine.

The problem is, you're important.

My teammate, my friend, and you've never taken the time to look past the outside into a person worth knowing. I'm sad for you because I know that's how you view most everyone. You're afraid, of rejection or closeness or something like that, and it's plain to anyone who bothers to look at you...

I look at you.

I see past coarse words and a loud mouth. Past the supple body and gorgeous face. Past the obsessive personality and need for attention. And inside all that, I see a young girl trying so hard to get people to notice that she's blossoming into a young woman. You are amazing. Your brilliance and determination leave me in awe. I try so hard to be worth being a part of your team and that greatness that will follow you if you let it.

I don't even think he admires you as much as I do, and he's in love with you. You won't see it, though. He hides so well, but he's my best friend. I notice. I can't say anything because he hasn't actually told me about it yet. He's smart, so smart, but sometimes he can be really dumb, ya know?

He's so lazy. It was a bit annoying before I realized why he does it. Most of the time, he's thinking. He thinks so hard and at such a high level that it tires him out quick. So, he spends whatever time he can manage outside of training, research, and missions not thinking. Clouds give him the distraction he needs. Oh, he still has odd thoughts about them. Once, I heard him rattle off how much mass one took up with something having to do with the volume of gasses, but even if I could have understood all of his little mutters, I wouldn't have understood. I'm not stupid. He's just a genius. That's fine.

I've seen him watch you. The way his eyes grow soft and fond when you aren't looking back. How he relaxes just a little more when he knows you're okay. He listens to you, ya know. Almost as much as I do. He worries and angsts and tries so hard to protect you without ever letting you know. He knows you'd react badly to that.

There are some times when I'm scared for you. So passionate and chaotic, I'm so afraid you'll burn yourself out and leave us in the dark without your light. Man, that sounded so flowery, but...but it's true. You run so hard, so long, and then push even more. I don't get how anyone could not admire that.

He will always be behind you, ya know. Watching out. Making sure it's okay to go ahead and let you do your thing. Did you ever notice how sometimes he steers us around town the long way, just so you can keep writing verbal poetry to the Uchiha kid? What's with him, anyway? Seems like a right bastard to me, but who knows. He still listens to you. That makes me proud.

I know that some day, you and he will finally figure out what you mean to one another. You'll go off and get married, maybe pop out a few kids. Live in a nice house that gets visited by your Pop all the time, just so he can glare at the man who took you away. He'll think it's troublesome, but he'll bear it for you. He'd bear anything for you...

And then...and then I'll have to figure something out. Oh, sure, we'll stay friends but it won't ever be so close anymore. I'll baby-sit your kids, maybe drop by for dinner a few times, but I won't...be there. I know you guys will be okay without me but the thought still bothers me and I just...I just wish that I could be...there...with you...

It will be a while yet. You're both so stubborn. I'll be okay. You'll be okay. He'll be okay. We'll be fine. As long as you let me, I'll be here, too. Watching, listening, seeing. You and he won't ever notice, but that doesn't matter.

I just wish it could last forever.

You think I'm stupid. I hate that. I hate it when you look down on me, when you underestimate me, when you find me to be so negligible that you forget about my existence completely. You utter and complete bastard.

Do you think I don't notice the way you use me in your plans? He's the brute force, you're the brains. Me? I'm the damn bait! Can't you see how powerful I am? ...or at least how powerful I could be? Give me responsibility! Give me a fair share! Stop excluding me! It's not my fault I'm a woman and you, you chauvinistic prick, can't get past the set of breasts and hips I was born with. I'm no weaker than you are and I swear, I'll prove it to you.

He never pushes me like you do. He's soft, kind, gentle, and never, ever intimidating. I don't have to prove myself to him. He's comfortable with me this way but sometimes... Sometimes I wish he would say the things he doesn't dare say. I wish his will was harder, more volatile, more...like me. I wish he could stand up for himself more often because when those idiots pick on him, calling him those damn names, I just...I can't...and then there's nothing that can contain me. Your voice can't call me back when I get like that. You can't stop me. I'll throw you away every time you try. And when it happens, I will scream and fight and THERE IS NO ONE WHO COULD EVER, EVER STOP ME!

And then he grabs my hand and the fire's gone. He tugs me away and I'm left cold and numb. I never realize what I've done until then. He leads me away and you stay to make things okay again. That's your job. You have to protect me because I can't stop until he calls me off. That's his job.

What's my job?

The two of you, you balance each other so well, so perfectly, that I feel like a third wheel. I'm only an addition, put in to make the right number. I'm outside you and him. I'm not perfect like you and him. I'm the dog, he's the collar, and you're the leash. Funny, isn't it? We should fit. We should all just...fit. And we don't. There's one too many.

I watch the two of you sometimes when you're on that hill, watching the clouds. It happens when you're tired, when your body is aching so good that you just don't want to move anymore. It happens when he's heartsick and needs a healing presence that I can't provide. It's so...perfect. I hate that. I hate you and him...at least, I want to. I want to but I can't because you two are just...there...and it's too much...I can't live without you two anymore.

I don't know if I love you or him. Not the way that love warms the air between you, how much you care for one another. I doubt either of you would survive without the other. I know if I died, you and he would go on together, feeding off each other's strength. It hurts so badly that I can't be that strength. You won't let me. He won't let me. So why should I ever take strength from those who won't use mine?

FUCK YOU!

I don't care anymore! Go away! Go be the perfect best friends, the perfect team mates, the perfect ninja, the perfect people. Go ahead! I don't need you. I don't need anyone. Watch me be the best kunoichi there's ever been! YOU JUST WATCH!

I wonder sometimes what will happen later. You'll be an elite jounin, I know that. You'll be famous and powerful but you won't be an ANBU because you're too lazy for that. He's going to get married, pop out a few kids, and live happily ever after. Maybe he'll become great. Maybe he won't. Happiness is all he seeks out.

There was once a dream of mine where we stayed together. You, him, and me, greatness to the end. We were the best. We would be legends... and most of all...we were together.

Damn it, I'm not going to cry...I can't...but it's just so hard when I know, deep down inside, that I can't compare. You and he will leave me behind.

Gods, please, don't leave me behind...

You think I'm stupid. Well, no, that's night quite right. You think I'm a genius that doesn't notice the way you look at me or her. You think I'm oblivious because I know it's all so bothersome. It is, really. What the hell are you thinking?

That little glint in your eyes lets the truth be known. You're horrible at lying, you know. I know you care for her, probably even love her. Go on, then. Go marry her. I don't care. It doesn't matter to me at all. She'd wear me out. I don't want to marry a troublesome woman anyway.

Or anyone for that matter. Because if I did...

No. This is not a time to think. Here we are, laying on the hill, staring at clouds, and I'm thinking..? But it won't go away! I saw you today, with her, and I know you both didn't notice me there, but I was. I saw. I saw how she looked at you and how you looked at her. Yes. You'll marry her someday. It will be a very big, pretty, troublesome wedding because her father would have to do it that way. He'd be mad at you for taking his daughter away, but you'll just smile and win his heart...

Damn it.

I don't want to think about that.

The future is insane and I never, ever want to think of that. Of you leaving me alone- No! But I won't stop you. You know I won't stop you and her and the happiness between you because she will complete you and you her and it will be a perfect union and-...and... I don't want to think anymore.

The touch of your hand makes me almost scream, but I don't. You know something bothers me but I won't tell you. That's fine. You never press. Ever. You're so careful not to. Give me space, a sympathetic ear, but never demand anything. Sometimes, it looks like you want to. But you don't. You never have, not from me or from her. She loves you for that, you know. I... I...love you...for that...

And that's it, isn't it? I love you. I love her. What the hell is wrong with me? I love you both so much that it's killing me inside that you'll leave me behind. She'll leave me behind. And while I'll be a great ninja, troublesome as it is, I won't...I...

I don't want to think about that.

I'll cling to you and her for as long as you let me. Stand beside, make the plans, use you both so spectacularly. Someday, I might have to use her knowing that she will die. I've done it with you. You never hated me for it, though. And when you came back, I cried. I really did. I was so happy I hadn't killed you because you looked so quiet and peaceful and it was just...too...much...

I don't want to see her that way. I don't want to see you that way. I want to protect you both so much that it hurts...

This sentimentalism is...bothersome...