Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. Big thanks to ChibiSkitty-donna for the idea!

Chapter 8: Secret Admirer

Sasuke: Oooo, look what I got. A letter from a secret admirer in the mail today. It smells like tomatoes, and it's in a blood red envelope. My favorite color: blood.

Naruto: Well whooptido, you got a letter, wooooee... Probably from one of your emo friends, so who gives a crap?

Sasuke: Shhh. Listen to what it says, listen.

"Dear Sasuke, how I longed to speak these words that rain from my heart through endless patterns of longing and sorrow."

Oh, how sad.

Naruto: What a loser.

Sasuke: Shhh!

"I have seen you from afar. Noticed you in the coffee shop. I thought to myself: What a perfect creature this be."

Naruto: Give me a break, you sappy freak.

Sasuke: "I have since watched you from a distance. Though closer than you might think. In the bookstore, in the park. Closer I crept and saw that you have to be mine. I stare at your pictures that I've taken myself: in the movie theater, in your apartment. Each celluloid frame gives me great delight and instills me pleasure, to see your naked frame shower as you wash the filth with this world from your flawless body. Perfection is thee, I will meet you and I will have you. Signed, the Eternal Watcher.

P.S. I could see you now."

What the?!

Naruto: Haha, you have a stalker, you have a stalker, I don't. You do. You're gonna die, I can sleep at night. Nyah-nyah!

Hehe.

~Doorbell rings~

Sasuke: *gets surprised*

Naruto: For whom the bell tolls? It tolls for thee!

Hehe. Ah, relax yourself. You jumpin' around all jittery like a crack addict. I have a friend like you, you know. Always jittery.

~Naruto opens the door~

It's just the pizza girl.

~Sakura stands there holding a pizza box~

Hey, there better be extra pepperoni on it this time. Not like last time! I ordered them, and what was on it? Nothin'. You know what happens now?!

~Naruto grabs the pizza box~

I close the door, you get no tip. Goodbye.

*Aw, jeez, you stiffed me on the pepperoni!

~Sakura sneaks in and takes multiple photos of Sasuke~

END