Reviews For Even Flowers Have Thorns
Name: nightninja (Signed) · Date: 22/09/16 - 02:09 pm · For: The Man Who Sees Darkness
can i be in the story
Name: crimson sun06 (Signed) · Date: 22/07/14 - 06:02 pm · For: Thirty Seconds
Nicely done. Wish you would write longer chapters though. The cliffhanger was great.
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 21/07/14 - 02:07 pm · For: Mai's Potential
Very nice very nice.
Towards the end I was a little confused. Who killed who? You made it seem like Shikamaru was the one that was getting his ass kicked by (whom im assuming was Neji) the person but it wasn't so that left me a little confused. Also I don't think that person would get away with just killing a person right there.
Mai still has me curious, i'd really like to see some more of her personality which i'm sure you'll show more of later on.
One thing I suggest is reading some of the other fan fiction on here to get a gist of how to set up scenes, use transitions, and clearly explain everything to help the story flow nicely and to give a better understanding to the reader. There are tutorials that people have written which i'm sure would come in handy.
Again, not bad. Looking forward to the next chapter
Author's Response: I revised the last chapter a bit, again I appreciate the feedback it has helped.
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 20/07/14 - 04:17 pm · For: Ready or Not
Again, not bad. Short but not bad.
Try making larger paragraphs, it seems your jumping around from thought to thought really quickly. Take time to explain everyone's thoughts especially Mai since she is the main character.
Another thing that confused me, it seemed Ino and the rest of the team just magically appeared. First she was talking to lee and tenten then next thing you know she was getting chewed out by ino.
It kind of surprised me how the team leader already recommended them for the chunin exams, they haven't even done anything yet haha.
Well I think with a few fixes this story can be great. I hope you don't see my criticism as harsh or mean I just want to help you. Please don't let it deter you from writing. We all need help with our writing sometime, even me. Keep writing because I'll keep reading :)
Author's Response: I appreciate your constructive criticism.