Reviews For My Beloved
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 27/08/12 - 10:37 pm · For: Chapter 1
Hiiiii~ I'd read this, but the one thing that distracts from the story is the lack of space. Double-enter after each paragraph and after each piece of dialogue and you should free things up.
E.G:
The thud sent her to her knees, and she screamed for her brother. "Kon! Kon!" He yelled back from behind the dresser. "I'm here! I'm stuck! Help me!" The floor shook again and she watched helplessly as the floor caved in to block her view. "Kon!"
Better:The thud sent her to her knees, and she screamed for her brother. "Kon! Kon!"
He yelled back from behind the dresser. "I'm here! I'm stuck! Help me!"
The floor shook again and she watched helplessly as the floor caved in to block her view. "Kon!"
Haha, got a little into writing that. But, see what I mean?
Name: purpledinosaur (Signed) · Date: 20/08/12 - 07:31 pm · For: Chapter 1
again, I'll be your beta. Just get back to me on it.