Reviews For "Kokoro of Konoha"
Name: Megan (Anonymous) · Date: 05/02/13 - 12:48 pm · For: Unexpected Detour
I like it, its a really interesting story so far.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 21/07/12 - 07:50 am · For: Sunshine
Something I forgot last review - I love how she sees her God as, well, the one and only true God, rather than Kami.
Again, I saw the problem with the & thing, but seeing as you posted this before I gave you that information, well..... And, even though I, again, do this, Naruto was acting older than his age.
This was a great chapter. I really enjoyed it and found Naruto's dedication really cute. It also makes it clear there's going to be some form of bond between the two. I can't wait to see it in action. I'm sure it's going to be adorable.
Kakashi's care for the girl is also sweet. I liked how he left the walking stick for Naruto, too. And you did, in my opinion, a pretty good job on his character.
Great chapter, Dove-chan. I can't wait to read more (I'm not sure when I'll get a chance)!
Author's Response: Encouraging to know that the effort of differentiating Joutei from Kami is appreciated. Many people don't realize that Kami means god or gods. Did a lot of research, can send you some fun translation words via pm if you'd like. Yeah, its hard for me to write Naruto well. Someday gonna go clean up his dialog & thoughts in ch. 2 & 3. Hopefully, chapter 13 & 14 will stay truer to his age & character. Cool! You're the first person to mention the walking stick! Thank you so much on Kakashi's character compliment.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 20/07/12 - 07:46 am · For: Unexpected Detour
Well, at first I wanted to read this simply because it seemed interesting. Then I saw you had responded to my challenge (I'm bre2k8, but changed my name a year or two ago, so the Another Uzumaki challenge is mine), so I just had to read this.
There's only a few things I saw that bugged me. One was the use of the & sign rather than writing out and. This may just be your way of writing, but it isn't something you want to do, especially if you want to be a real author. Another thing is Kakashi figuring out what happened. He is smart, but unless he possibly saw the trap, I don't think he'd come to such an accurate conclusion. Finally, and this isn't as big seeing as most people have this problem, but Kokoro was acting too mature, especially after Kakashi's "Gai moment".
Otherwise I really enjoyed it. I loved her nickname for Kakashi (oh, you misspelled Hatake as well). Hehe. Poufy Hair. Gotta love little kids. That was very cute. And I liked that you had her save Kakashi. I'm also curious as to how she managed to pull him in. I'm very interested as to what will happen to her, and how she'll react to all the canon characters. I saw that, on your bio (when I'm bored, I'll look at the bios of people whose stories interest me) and saw you even knew it was cliche. But hey - it can be fun to read, especially if you make it your own.
Great chapter, Dove-chan. And welcome to Tonfa.
Author's Response: Dear Sasaui, Thank you soo much for your reviews! Glad to hear that you're enjoying the story too. Not aspiring to be a writer, but I've noticed quite a few quirks in my writing style, (including using the "&" sign a wee bit to much). But my Mom has been helping to catch more of them adding "and" whenever & where ever it would be more appropriate. Fiddlesticks! Thanks for catching that typo on Hatake, actually thought I fixed it. Looks like I uploaded an old file. Reformatted 1-4 and uploaded the newest versions, including chapters 5-11. Later on in the storyline, it'll be revealed that Kokoro is a little older and sometimes acts more mature because of several different factors. But, don't want to spoil it to much for you, yet. Tried to show she's like all of us as we waver between being childish/childlike and more grown-up. Very happy to hear you liked the nickname and peaked your curiosity on how she pulled him. Hope my future chapters entertained & intrigued as well.