D'aww you're so cute with your mary-sue self insert living in the narutoverse :3

Too bad it's not good enough to make it stand out among the million others exactly like it.

There were a few spelling mistakes, some homonym issues, sometimes you'd forget a word, and little errors like that. This was also a bit hard to read just because everything was so scrunched together.

Sometimes, the scenes would seem really choppy to me, I think you need to describe the setting and thoughts a little better. It didn't have enough flow to keep my attention in some areas.

Also, adding author notes in the middle of the chapter, that's a big no no. If you have to describe the kekkei genkai, incorporate it into the story. Stopping the story to elaborate on something takes away from the reading experience.

Another thing I just want to nitpick at: Why didn't the Akatsuki tie Sakuma up when they captured her? Okay, Kisame was holding her and everything, but if she isn't tied up and she's conscious, it's actually rather careless on the Akatsuki's part.

I'm also a bit frustrated that the village leader completely brushed off these "stalkers" and "attempts to kill". That's very un-leader-like. Really hard to believe, in fact.

Now, as for the things that I like...

I do like your OC, she has spunk and she's interesting to read about. I think it'll be fun to read more about her as the story goes on.

I also like how you describe attacks and combat moves. Sakuma's abilities are pretty well written when you write action scenes. Even if they were short, they were still rather good. I'd like to see what you do in a full-out battle scene.

This was an interesting start to the story, I look forward to more. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks for making my mistake clear for me, I'll try and work on it. :)