TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

Main Categories

Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
Authors: 2162
Reviews: 40828
Reviewers: 1750
Newest Member: Redxkenny
Challenges: 255
Challengers: 193
 


Reviews For Retribution

Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 01/03/13 - 11:25 am · For: Haze
Oooh, what a twist. I'm definitely looking forward to this strange experimentation idea. Sounds kinda like Orochimaru.

The shinobi attacking all those villagers was awful, Tekkou is such a horrible person for doing that. If he goes and kills all the villagers, there isn't going to be a town to keep governing over -_-

Nice job on this update, can't wait for more. Keep up the good work you two.

Author's Response: Lots to be revealed soon enough :D Thanks fo the review!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 15/02/13 - 07:41 pm · For: Memories
I believe a while ago, you said this was just a story you were doing for fun and didn't really care much about how serious it came out? Because I saw a few sentences here that didn't make sense.

My eyes widen when I see tiny hands held down leather straps.

“They can do whatever we want.”

A quick rundown of your chapters can always be beneficial to clean stuff like this up. Other than that, this was a pretty vague update. Not sure what had been happening in the flashback but it caught my interest all the same. It was pretty quick so I'm not sure what will happen with Tenshi and if she will join Yushin or not. But I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. Nice job.

Author's Response: Oops. Haha. Those were really stupid mistakes U^_^. A bit of my laziness has returned I guess and I didn't even look over it once. Yeah, it was pretty vague. That was pretty much the point. I was wanting to quip your interest. Well, I'll try to update soon, but I'm a bit focused on CS right now, so we shall see.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/10/12 - 08:40 pm · For: Bloodline
Ooh, I liked seeing this story through Yushin's POV, it added a very nice twist. It was a nice change of pace. And it was also a nice plot developer, now that we know more about Tenshi and she has decided to join the rebellion. Definitely looking forward to more now that the plot is thickening. Nice job on this guys! Keep up the good work.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 14/09/12 - 08:56 am · For: Anxiety
Shizake, you hopeless romantic you, that little cuddly scene with Shizuno and Suroyu was so cute :3

Suroyu is usually the levelheaded one, so to see him freaking out about even going out into the village at night just shows how nervous and frightened he was for his lady friend ;D I thought it was very sweet on his part, and you did very well with describing his feelings.

Seriously... Tenshi got away again? -_- We need a leash on this child, I swear...

Good job on this chapter, Shizake-san! I'm looking forward to more from you both. Keep up the good work!


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 13/09/12 - 08:08 pm · For: Anxiety
Nice chapter, and I can feel the anticipation building! I know something extreme is just coming....and I can't wait for it! Both of you keep it up!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/09/12 - 10:26 am · For: Silenced
Whoa... Such an intense chapter... Mostly that ending, I'd say, seeing as you decided to leave it at a cliffhanger! -_- Why do you do this all the time...

Now that the shinobi know what is up with Tenshi, everyone is up to speed on Tenshi's past. So I wonder how it's all going to go from here on, now that Tenshi's captured and all...

Very eventful chapter, I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work you two.

Author's Response: Haha. Aren't all my chapters? And yes - the ending was another cliffhanger. I'm sorry - they just come too easily for me. Hehe. I'm not going to say anything, Onee-chan. Why? You'll find out next chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading, Onee-chan!


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 04/09/12 - 07:00 pm · For: Silenced
Holy crap, you actually updated this! Hooray! * Does little dance* I missed this story and you are updating again! Keep it up!

Author's Response: Haha. Yeah, I am SOOOO sorry for how long that took to get out. I never meant to do that. I just got distracted with my other stories. I'm glad that I was able to update again with how happy it made you, Hazard-san, and Itoko-san is even working on the next chapter already.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 12/07/12 - 07:27 pm · For: Uprising
Well first off... The little romantic moment was so cute XD I want them to get back together by the end of this story haha.

Other than that, the whole thing with the protest was really well done so far. For Suroyu and Shizuno to be involved now does make it more intense. I wonder what will happen with Tenshi, if they're supposed to be watching her now. It is an interesting way to put them together and actually have Tenshi somewhat pay attention to the shinobi.

Good job on this chapter, Shizake! Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Glad to see you liked the romantic part :P Phew I'm glad I got the protest part down though you did play a small part in the idea :) Thanks for the review :D


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 12/07/12 - 11:40 am · For: Uprising
I see things are progressing smoothly, for now that is. Good update Shizake, and I'm looking forward to more from both of you!

Author's Response: Glad to see you're liking it. Thanks for the review!


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 05/07/12 - 12:02 pm · For: Easy as Pie
Very nice, and you do have quite the knack of writing in first person, so don't be too hard on yourself. Nice intro to my character, and you did a fine job and I'm loving Tenshi even more since she's quite interesting to learn about. Great job so far and I'm looking forward to more.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 04/07/12 - 07:58 pm · For: Unknown Movement
Oh my... Sasaui... You deserve a round of applause. I definitely owe you one at this point, I've been so hard on your writing. I was very impressed with this chapter, I really was.

For someone who isn't used to writing in present tense, this was rather good. Great even. Almost as if you've been doing it for a while now.

And I know you said you only did this for fun, so I won't tell you the mistakes I saw that I nitpicked. Adding and leaving out words like I've told you prior.

Really though, in terms of writing, this seems so much better than what I've seen from you recently. If you're writing this simply to have fun, I think it means something. Sasaui, don't focus so much on improving your writing in your main stories. Have fun when you write, because if you had fun writing this chapter and I had nothing to pick at, I think it means you're trying too hard on improving yourself in your other stories.

But yes, anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter. Once you mentioned guitar, I immediately thought "Hazard's Yushin character!" Haha, so it's pretty awesome to see him in this story. I like him, so I hope he doesn't end up being some bad guy like Tenshi fears.

I am curious for more, especially after such an interesting development. I love rebellion stories, so I am really excited to see more about that. I wonder what they're rebelling about, actually...

I really liked this chapter, Sasaui. You did a great job. Very nice, keep up the awesome work.

Author's Response: Really? Wow, I'm surprised. I can't believe this would be the thing that would have my usual goodness in it. Now let's just see if I can keep that up, huh? Well, there may have been more mistakes, I'm not sure. Itoko-san checked it out before sending it back to me. I forgot to give him credit for that in the chapter notes XP. What's strange is that I don't really try too hard to improve. Maybe I've just been writing things I haven't liked? I always like writing people with attitude, which was why I loved writing NTL (the book, not the fanfic) so much. Kailey is full of attitude, and I loved writing it. Maybe that's why I enjoyed writing this so much. Maybe that's why it was better? I don't know. Hahaha. You'll just have to read on, Onee-chan. Yushin could be a good guy, or he could be their demise. Muwhahahaha! Yes, rebellion stories are always fun. It's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to this (as soon as I can get to writing it XP). As for what they're rebelling about....... >=-D Guess.


Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 22/06/12 - 07:42 pm · For: First Contact
WHOA, i see a lot of difference in writing ability from this chapter and the first one! That's really amazing, you've improved quite a bit! XD The writing was pretty smooth and really good. ^_^ I'm looking forward to where things go from here. A thought; the daimyo looks very evil, ne? I think that you should show their reaction a bit to that. T_T Oh, and i think establishing trade with another country is done wiith a bit more deliberation. Update soon!

Author's Response: Huh. I wonder why that is. I guess I'm not great at starting off stories but once I get into them I can flow pretty nicely. I'll definitely elaborate on those things in the upcoming chapters. Haha I dunno how establishing trade routes go either :P. Just gotta wait for Sasaui to update :) Thanks for the review!


Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 22/06/12 - 07:35 pm · For: Girl of the Shadows
really well written for 40 minutes. I liked how you introduced her in the beginning; what a horrific scene. I also really enjoyed the rest of the chapter - it was well written and quite interesting. I want to find out more about Tenshi and I look forward to seeing what happens next. Just one thing; if a lynching like this one happens quite often, then I'd think Tenshi should/would be dead or in the hospital by now. T_T The chapter made me extremely sad for her, which i think accomplished your goal! XD

Author's Response: Haha, thanks, Saku-chan. I thought it was, too. I'm surprised it would be so good seeing as I'm not writing it as well so I can get it out faster. Though lately I haven't been able to work on it because I've been busy with CS. Sheesh, I need to get to this. Well, usually she can get away. This was the first time it has been this bad, so that's why she's a live. Plus, she's just awesome that way ;).


Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 22/06/12 - 07:14 pm · For: Easy as Pie
Some grammar mistakes in the beginning...

Bwahaha, good dialogue. If I was Shizuno, i definitely wouldn't let go of that conversation. XD But, while the dialogue is good, the dialogue tags need a bit more work. If you use words like "states" and "starts off" then that deviates from the dialogue and is distracting for the reader. You can definitely use dialogue tags, but try to use more "said" than anything else.

I liked it. I think you've honed your dialogue skills through script style, which is awesome, and your improvement is really good in story style. I look forward to seeing where this goes. XD Eh, me and my story hopping T_T

Author's Response: I guess I haven't told you this haha. Don't take this in a wrong way but I could care less about the grammar. I'm just providing a story for fun. Now if it was english class I would care. I don't really bother proofreading lol. But all I really wanna know is which parts you liked or didn't like. I'll probably fix up on the dialogue tags but who knows I might not :P Thanks for the review.


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 09/06/12 - 12:45 pm · For: Easy as Pie
Yay, Tenshi has finally a leg to stand on, and I love how you transitioned so easily into introducing Tenshi and having her interact with the others. Good work!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 09/06/12 - 12:35 pm · For: First Contact
Aww... Poor Tenshi... She seems like such an angry child...

And Shizuno, wow, it's sad to hear she was bullied as a child. I wonder if that's why she's so tough now.

Haha, and I just feel bad for Suroyu because he hates the Twilight Village so much XD

Great update, Shizake-nii-san! It was awesome!

Author's Response: Nobody can have a good past right? Glad you liked, and thanks for the review :)


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 09/06/12 - 08:56 am · For: Girl of the Shadows
Wow, I pushed this off for so long T_T I'm sorry, I had no time and then I eventually forgot....

Tenshi is a bit mature for her age in the first scene. Thinking about darkness and all, I don't think a seven-year-old would stop to think about that. She'd think only about the fear of it all and not understanding what happened.

Also, the last line of the first scene, you switch to first person? Was that a mistake or was that a purposeful insert? Because I don't know how well that actually works out...

The second scene was enjoyable. You have gotten your flow back, I'm very happy about that. This was a great read.

You had a lot of issues with grammar and spelling. For instance, you'd put "whispered" when you meant "whispers". Then you'd forget to add in a word, which I feel like I tell you often about :P There were times when the structure of the sentence wouldn't really make sense to me, sometimes due to word choice or the way the sentence was worded.

But this was overall a very good read. I did like it, and I'm sorry it took me almost a week to get to T_T Anyway, nice job. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Don't worry. I've pushed off answering my reviews for the longest of times, so....... Anyway, I wrote that part a long time ago, so I'm not surprised there's mistakes. I'm slightly surprised you didn't remember that part seeing as you read it. It was the supposed to be prologue of Key to the Shadows, the prequel of The Angel Society. But yeah, probably nearly a year or so old. Yeah, I know. I mean to do that, because through the whole thing, Tenshi was watching, remembering what she felt back then. I wasn't entirely sure if it would work out, either, but I was lazy right then and didn't want to change it all to first PoV. Sweet! The flow is back! I am so happy. I was hoping it would be. And crap. Sorry about the mistakes. Again, I wrote this too fast. I should probably slow down next time. And plus, I type really fast and don't always look, so that may also lead to the problem, or I'll be thinking the word and forget that I hadn't added it =P. I'm sorry about the mistakes, but I'm glad that you liked it.


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 02/06/12 - 07:54 pm · For: Easy as Pie
Cool, I like the idea so far and I'm interested in to how this unfolds. Now, give me Moar!


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 02/06/12 - 06:55 pm · For: Easy as Pie
Ugh~ You guys do this just to make me angry, don't you? Both of you, you both are extremely evil people. You guys stink!

*sigh*

This does seem like a really interesting story though. So far, you've explained everything very well. Gave us insight to the characters and their relationship with one another. I'm curious to see how it all ends up. Nice work.

Author's Response: Sowy :P Glad you liked and thanks for the review.


You must login (register) to review.