Reviews For Unwinding Time
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 22/03/12 - 08:00 am · For: Reunion
Now that this story is changing drastically toward Sakura's point of view, this is getting better. Everything seems realistic thus far in this change of events. You did change some of the dialogue (for all the characters), which is both good and bad I suppose. Be careful on what everyone says, because if it's different than in the manga, it will most likely have an effect on the story. That goes especially for Sakura, though just as much for Naruto and Sasuke.
Anyway, this was a nicely written chapter. Keep up the good work.
Name: Kazumi-chan (Signed) · Date: 22/03/12 - 06:27 am · For: Prologue: Sacrifice
Its a good start for your story but I think the Pein part should have been different. I mean the Hokage should have been advised before but nevertheless I found this pretty interesting. I hope there will be more cause I'll be reading it!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 22/03/12 - 03:55 am · For: Prologue: Sacrifice
In the beginning, I was really impressed with how well your description was. Going through Sakura's feelings and thoughts was a really good way to start the story.
But as this chapter continued, I found myself shaking my head at some things...
1) The fact that Tsunade and the ANBU were able to deduct Pein's arrival to a mere thirty minutes is a bit unrealistic. Tsunade let Sakura sleep in? No, not when they're anticipating an attack from the Akatsuki. No matter how hard Sakura was supposedly working in the previous three days, if the ANBU suspect that Pein is coming so soon, they'd have alerted Tsunade sooner, Sakura would not have slept in, and there wouldn't be only a half hour to evacuate the village. Evacuation should take hours, as a minimum, with that many people in the village.
2) When Pein destroyed the village, you described pretty much nothing. You gave more attention to Sakura waking up than describing the devastation Pein's attack brought. A whole chapter could be dedicated to the village as it fell to ruins in one shot. You said it in a line or two, and it wasn't even as good of description as I thought you were capable of accomplishing.
3) Naruto's reaction to everything. You completely downsized it. He's a passionate person, so I think if so many of his friends died, he'd be a bit more frustrated, even if he is going on a peace-driven path.
I know Sakura is the main character and all, but you cannot downplay everything else and describe her with immense detail. Everything needs to be described appropriately. Even telling it through Sakura's eyes will give it sufficient elaboration. The description of the ruined village, Naruto's anger at losing his sensei and friends, everything can be amazingly described through Sakura's eyes if you put in enough effort.
As of now, I don't have a set opinion on this story. What you write is very good, but some parts just need more. I hope this review didn't discourage you in anyway, I only wanted to give advice. This story does have potential to be amazing, and I'd love to see you develop it into a great fic.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the constructive criticism! :) Don't worry, it doesn't discourage me in the least, I've been needing someone to help me with things like that. I'll start working on it!