TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

Main Categories

Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
Authors: 2162
Reviews: 40828
Reviewers: 1750
Newest Member: Redxkenny
Challenges: 255
Challengers: 193
 



Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/03/12 - 08:42 am · For: Chapter 3
Great chapter, it puts a lot of development on Kaori's character. Keep up the good work


Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 11/03/12 - 01:03 pm · For: Chapter 3
This was an adorable chapter. I can picture Kaori and her personality very well. She's just a cute little kid, still naive to the real world. So is she gonna become Naruto's friend? Of course she is! This is an eventual OCNaru fic after all! X3


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 10/03/12 - 07:15 pm · For: Chapter 3
This chapter was quite cute. You explained everything very well. Kaori's personality was shown a bit as well as her new life. I liked it. Nice job.


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 07:51 pm · For: Chapter 2
Yeah... They're gonna die... I hate painful moments like that...

This chapter was definitely another splendid chapter in terms of emotion. You definitely piggybacked off of the previous chapter when writing about Kaede because her motherly love is a lot stronger in this scene. We also saw more of Mamoru; I feel like we didn't see as much of him in the last chapter.

Your description of actions is really good, but the surroundings still need to be defined a bit more. You elaborated the nursery quite well, but after that, it kinda spiraled downward.

Also, there were times when you switched between tenses; stick to either past or present, you can't throw in both.

I really do see great potential here, and I think this will be a great story. I want to see you take your time with this. Read it out loud to yourself and ask your mind if it makes sense and if you're getting a vivid picture of everything. It'll help you see what needs work.

Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry. :( But don't worry, I won't describe what happens to them till later on in the story. I hope later on in the story I'll be able to add more of Mamoru in, he's actually my favorite character out of the four already but that's only because his character description is somewhere in my head. I hope that made some sense. :P I felt like that happened also, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. But I'm glad you noticed the details for the nursery, that means that I did something right. :D Ahh, I'm afraid I didn't notice that when I went over it, but I'm afraid reading it out loud won't help much for me. I'm too focused on adding details already. ._. but I'll be sure to try it anyways. Thank you for leaving such a helpful review, it means a lot to me. (:


Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 07:09 pm · For: Chapter 2
I liked the mood of this chapter between Kaede Mamoru it was an intense sort of grim mood. You seem to capture emotion pretty well so far. Keep up the good work


Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 07:04 pm · For: Chapter 1
So far so good, good opening scene. The ideas flowed smoothly. I was afraid the mother died at the beginning when it said she let out a shallow breath as her eyes flowed shut. But it was all good hehe. Good job though

Author's Response: Oooh, I would be terrible if I had someone die that early on in the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reviewing! (:


Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 07:01 pm · For: Chapter 2
They're gonna die, aren't they? I just know it! Once again, really good and conveying the emotions through those simple actions and words. I like the foreshadowing you've done in the chapter. Your descriptions of surroundings have improved a bit as well.

Author's Response: Shh, don't give out the secret. Jk, you guess correctly, I didn't really try that hard to hide it though. ._. Thank you! I really did try to add more details this time, I'm glad someone could tell. (:


Name: Hazard (Signed) · Date: 26/02/12 - 11:00 am · For: Chapter 1
Very good opening scene, liked it a lot. I'm very interested to see where you take this.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. (: Thank you for reviewing!


Name: UzamakiMasumi (Signed) · Date: 25/02/12 - 09:26 pm · For: Chapter 1
I really love the emotions evoked by the idea of being a new mother in a dangerous world. It's raw, and real. Wolfy-chan is very right about it needing more work on the surroundings, though. In a scene like this not a lot more description would be needed, but it definitely would convey so much more. Think about it this scene was in a movie. What movements or images would you pick up on most while watching it? Or if this was a manga, what picture might the manga-ka put a close up of? The key to writing I think is not just writing it but feeling it and seeing it with our eyes, even no one else but you can. Does that make sense?

Over all, though, I was really impressed. I can't believe this is your first fanfic. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this, no matter what direction it takes.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. (: I was worried if I had done enough to describe her feelings or not, but it looks like I did going off of the sweet reviews I've received. (: It makes perfect sense, thank you for explaining it to me like that. I'll definitely try to add more details to the next chapters. Thank you for reviewing, Masumi! (:


Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/02/12 - 09:24 pm · For: Chapter 1
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

This is only your first writing? For just your first time this is amazing. I absolutely love it! How you show the mother's love toward her newborn child was just so sweet and cute. I'm really worried, though, because of the last paragraph. Please don't let anything happen to Kaori! Even though I don't know her, I love the little girl.

Overall the writing is pretty good. There is room for improvement, but then again, there always is. Nobody can write a perfect story without anything needed fixed.

I can't wait for more, MCC. It's a great start to what seems like will be a great story. I wish you luck on both your story and your writing.

Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it that much. (: Don't worry, nothing will happen to Kaori, I promise. c: Thank you for taking the time to read and review, Sasaui. (:


Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 25/02/12 - 09:11 pm · For: Chapter 1
This is your first fanfic? It's not bad. It's quite suspenseful, actually.

I don't quite know where this story is headed, and I don't know what you have planned. The suspense was very evident in this story. It leaves me wanting more, definitely.

You should elaborate a little more on surroundings. The dialogue and emotions were definitely typical of what a mother would feel for her newborn, but dialogue doesn't make the story.

It was, overall, a very good start to the story. I look forward to seeing where you take this. Good job.

Author's Response: Thank you, I really appreciate it. (: I figured that I would need to add more detail to the surrounding, but I wasn't sure how to do so. Thank you for pointing that out to me, I'll definitely try to add more details in the next chapters to come. Thanks for reviewing, Silver! (:


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